Hatred Pays The Bills

DISCLAIMER: Okay, so it's almost 3 AM, I've had a long day and I'm in a shitty mood. Someone asked me to write about the VMAs and this is what I could come up with. Advance warning: some of the stuff on here is the most vulgar and disgusting shit I've ever written (yes, worse than this) so take heed if you are easily offended...

The debacle wrapped in a train wreck covered in a catastrophe dipped in shit that was the MTV Video Music Awards added further validation to my long-held belief that pop music has gone to shit and me thinking so that it isn't just rose-tinted nostalgia. Of course, everyone is talking about Britney Spears' disaster of a performance, and I'll get to that in a minute, but I want to mention a few other lowlights that got lost in the shuffle.

I think someone must adress the awful award names. "Quadruple Threat Award", "Monster Single Of The Year"? What the fuck is that? Was "Song Of The Year" too understated for the VMAs? Also, did anyone notice there were only about 12 actual awards given out this year? What happened to all the video categories? Pop music was given run of the show this year, with no awards given out for alternative, rock or metal! What about the Video Vanguard Award? Viewer's Choice? Is the removal of that award MTV's way of telling their audience that they can fuck off?

Maybe they gave all the awards shitty names because they knew who would be winning them. Gym Class Heroes won Best New Artist? That's fucked up. Setting aside their complete lack of anything resembling creativity and talent aside for one second, didn't their first release come out in 2002? And didn't they have a pretty big album in 2005? That's new? It probably wouldn't bother me that much if they didn't sound like a watered-down version of The Black Eyed Peas, but it's still bullshit, especially since they were up against Peter Bjorn & John, Amy Winehouse and Lilly Allen.

Fall Out Boy won Best Group, which is no surprise. I don't think anyone thought taste would prevail and they'd give the award out to The White Stripes. I can't stand this emo-bullshit, but I guess I can understand why the kids do. That being said, every time MTV wants to give an award to a emo band they should just give it to My Chemical Romance, since they're the closest thing to actual talent in the emo scene.

I got no beef with Justin Timberlake winning a buttload of awards. That little prick is talented and he deserves it. I also can see why "Umbrella" won best song and video, it's a catchy tune that's a lot of fun. But fucking Fergie winning "Best Female Artist"? Fuck me with a rusty fork.

First of all, I won't believe that fugly little talentless whore of a "human" is actually a woman until someone rips off her pants off to reveal a sure-to-be herpes-infected bruised cavern of a pussy. That fucking whore must have to duct tape that thing together, I'm sure it's stretched out from letting everyone in the music industry filling it with the closest thing she'll have to inspiration. Someone has to stop this stupid bitch before she kills someone by sucking them to death (and not in the good way). She can't sing with that fucking mouth and no self-respecting man would let that thing anywhere near their cock, so she should be used it to clean up porta-potties and gas station restrooms. She's been spewing shit out of it for years now, it seems only fair that she should be forced to take some of it back in. Maybe she could choke to death on a massive floater. The image of her covered in shit and slowly dying is my anti-9/11.

Still here? How about some music to make up for that mental picture.

Janet Jackson
Control (Extended Version)
Rhythm Nation (12'' United Mix)
Rhythm Nation (12'' House Nation Mix)
What Have You Done For Me Lately? (Extended Mix)
The Pleasure Principle (Long Vocal) (The Shep Pettibone Mix)
Janet is the anti-Fergie. A beautiful woman with natural talent, an amazing voice and the ability to write perfect pop songs. Not only are Janet's best songs catchy and great to dance to, but when she's at her best they also have something important to say. The best tracks off of Control and Rhythm Nation 1814 made statements about her individuality, racial struggles and asserting yourself. What's the message behind Fergie's "Bumps" and "London Bridge" other than "I'm an attention-starved ugly cunt with no self-esteem that will blow you on the first date." These remixes of Janet tunes were taken off of various 12'' singles.

Madonna
Angel (Extended Dance Mix)
Boderline (New Mix)
Lucky Star (New Mix)
Keep It Together (12'' Remix)
Like A Prayer (12'' Dance Mix)
Like A Prayer (12'' Club Version)
Like A Virgin (Extended Dance Mix)
If Fergie is the anti-Janet we all know who the anti-Madonna is - the one and only Britney "Look At My Fucked-Up Vagina" Spears. It's obvious that Britney's always wanted to be Madonna and at best she's has always been a very distant fourth to the original queen of pop (I'd rank Christina, Pink and even the man-faced Jessica Simpson above the white-trash pop tart). Britney probably thought that looking like a slut and singing about sex would be enough for her to replace Madonna, but she forgot to pick up some actual talent on the way to the whore bank. Even when she was "good" she couldn't fucking sing and now that's she's "lost it" she's got nothing left.

What can be said about her "performance" at the VMAs that hasn't already been said? Before that her only two talents were looking like a slutty whore and lip-synching, and now she apparently can't even do that. The best Britney song (if there is such a thing) could never compete with Madonna's worst. The bitch needs to go to rehab, not so she can get clean, but because Amy Winehouse might run into her...and slit her fucking throat to steal her smokes.

And with that lovely image I leave you with these excellent remixes of some of Madonna's best. All of them were taken from 12'' singles.