The Lost Turntable

Alright Mookie Let's Burn this Motherfucker down!

2010-07-28T00:39:00.003-04:00

Meet the new site.

Nearly identical to the old site.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

In other words, update your bookmarks, links, everything else to www.lostturntable.com. Because that's where the party is.

That Club Must Be a Fire Hazard

2010-07-19T23:36:00.006-04:00

This is one of the most retarded posts I've put up in a very long time. So...enjoy?

Annabel Lamb
Riders On The Storm (Specially Remixed Dance Version)
Riders On The Storm (Dub Version)
So, an early 80s dance remake of a Doors song? Yeah. If anyone wants to explain this one to me I'd appreciate it very much.

Grace Jones
Love On Top Of Love - Killer Kiss (The Funky Dred Club Mix)
Love On Top Of Love - Killer Kiss (The Funky Dred Dub Mix)
Love On Top Of Love - Killer Kiss (Grace's Swing Mix)
The "Funky Dred Club Mix" is awesome because it samples the same bells beat that was in Run DMC's "Peter Piper." This single annoyed me though, because in addition to these three mixes it has a mix by Cole and Clivilles, which is so fucked up and scratched it won't play. If anyone is sitting that one hook me up.

Rock Master Scott and The Dynamic Three
The Roof Is On Fire
The Roof Is On Fire (Scratchin')
The Roof Is On Fire (Jivin')
Yes, this is the original "The roof! The roof! The Roof is on fire!" song. It's also the source for the "Hey Girl! Hey Boy!" sample in the (awful) Chemical Brothers song of the same name. It also has the line "and if you're not a square from Delaware then throw your hands up in the air." Sorry all you Delawarians. You got another reason to hate life.

Joy Kicks Darkness in the Ass

2010-07-12T00:46:00.004-04:00

I'm having a wonderfully splendid night. Sorry. No rants. Not even one. Too bad for you.

Ash
True Love 1980 (Vince Clarke Remix)
Dare To Dream (Mogwai Remix)
I am apparently in the dark when it comes to music news related to bands I give a shit about. I had no idea about Ash's amazing Singles Club thing. For those of you as lame as I, let me explain. Ash announced last year that they were no longer releasing albums. Instead they were just going to release singles. Sounds like what the Pumpkins are doing now doesn't it? Well, there's a few key differences. First of all, Ash's songs don't suck. Secondly, you get the tracks by "subscribing" with a one-time $20 fee. Then every two weeks you get a new song! There are bonus tracks too! It's a pretty bitchin' deal I tell you. They've released 20 so far (told you I was late to the punch) and many of them are excellent. One of the first was "True Love 1980." It's a great track that combines several of my favorite things; sappy love lyrics, synths, and 1980. This remix takes all of that and adds Vince Clarke to the mix. So we all win. The Mogwai mix is the lesser of the two, but still good. I got these from the official Ash website, they were 100%, no subscription needed, but I thought I'd share them here anyways. There are three other remixes of "True Love 1980" out there, if anyone has them please share. I'll be your best friend.

The Stone Roses
Elephant Stone (Leckie 7 inch Mix)
Elephant Stone (Leckie 12 inch Mix)
Elephant Stone (Peter Hook Original Mix)
I totally stole these mixes from The awesomely-named blog The Power of Independent Trucking after being directed there by a commenter. That site is great, but he only put the songs up as FLAC files, and I know that confuses many a person. So I went ahead and converted them. I hope dude doesn't mind. I'm totally pimping his site. Go there!

The "King" is Dead

2010-07-09T00:29:00.005-04:00

Yeah, if you were hoping this would be the one blog where you wouldn't have to hear about LeBron James, too bad.

Let me explain something to all of you. I may live in Pittsburgh, and I may love this city, but I was born and raised in Ohio. I'm happy when the Steelers win (well, not anymore, thanks to Rapistburger) and I'm a casual Pens fan. But I was raised on the Browns. When that dickless wonder Art Modell took the Browns away from us I thought Cleveland had seen its darkest betrayal.

Damn I hate being wrong.

Sure, LeBron is only one man and in the long term this probably isn't as devastating as the city losing an entire team, but the betrayal is far greater. Not only did the dickhead betray all of his fans, the city he grew up in, and pretty much everyone who has ever supported him, but he did it in the most narcissistic, bullshit, asshole way humanely possible. The stupid motherfucker had the gall to take out an hour of airtime on ESPN to basically A) Expound on how great he is and B) Say "FUCK YOU CLEVELAND" over and over again. Why the fuck would anyone do that? If he would have just left the team that would have sucked, but hey I get it, business is business and shit happens. But to just be such a stupendous DICKHEAD about it really blows my mind.

So LeBron, allow me to echo the statements of thousands of people in the greater Ohio area: Fuck You.

And by the way, you want to know how fucked up this is? People in Pittsburgh, in fucking PITTSBURGH, think that the Cavs fans in Cleveland are getting fucked over. Allow me to repeat that: people in Pittsburgh feel bad for the Cleveland fans.

That's some hardcore shit.

Electric Six
Escape From Ohio
Not a rare track, but a great one. Maybe it's LeBron's new theme song?

Devo
Ohio
Devo: From Akron and not a piece of shit. Unlike some people. And I'm seeing Devo on Friday! I'm very excited! I'm totally buying a Devo hat. It will be a good day.

Ian Hunter
Cleveland Rocks (Live)
Word, and don't you fucking forget it.

Hang in there guys. It'll get better someday.

I Bang The Drums

2010-07-08T01:12:00.006-04:00

Quick protip for all you adults of legal drinking age: Jagermeister goes shockingly well with blue Gatorade. Yes, it sounds like it would taste like anti-freeze, but it actually tastes like candy. Candy that will kill you. So drink in moderation.

Madonna
Rain (Radio Remix)
Waiting (Remix)
Up Down Suite
So according to Wikipedia "Rain" was a moderate hit for Madonna, far more so than "Bad Girl," which was the single that preceded it. That sure is a shocker to me. I haven't listened to Erotica (the album from which both songs came from) in probably ten years, and I can't ever recall hearing "Rain" before. However, you mention "Bad Girl" to me and I'll respond with "Bad girl/drunk by six/kissing some kind stranger's lips/smoke too many cigarettes a day/I'm not happy when I act this way." It does have a beautiful video though.

I'm not sure what to make of the "Up Down Suite," it was probably made for clubs. The remix to "Waiting" is good though, if insanely mid-90s in sound. All of these come from the 12'' single to "Rain."

The Stone Roses
Elephant Stone (7'' Version)
The availability of this version of the song has been sketchy over time. It was on the 10th anniversary edition of the band's first album, but is absent on the 20th anniversary edition (shit, it's been over 20 years since that record came out!?). I like this version way more. It's shorter for sure, but it sounds like it was dipped in a vat of wah-wah guitars. Groovy. This is from the 12'' single.

Random bit about The Stone Roses, well more like my obsession with them. According to iTunes, I have played both versions of "She Bangs The Drums" (the single and album versions) a total of 86 times. The second-most-played song in my collection is the first track of Foxy Shazam's latest album with a paltry 45. So yeah, I like that song.

Ain't No Buddy Of Mine

2010-07-05T21:14:00.001-04:00

I hope all my American readers had a pleasant Fourth of July. Mine was as enjoyable as pounding hot needles into my forehead.

Speaking of things that suck, I got another DMCA notice! That's my third! Yay me I must be making friends in the right places to get that much attention. Progress on the new Lost Turntable site is ongoing. When the inevitable happens and Blogger shuts my ass down be sure to go to LostTurntable.com, as that is where I will be.

De La Soul
Buddy (Native Tongue Decision)
Buddy (Native Tongue Instrumental)
Ghetto Thang (Ghetto Ximer)
Ghetto Thang (Ghetto Ximer Instrumental)
That remix of "buddy" is on my top ten list of best hip hop remixes of all time. Dunno why, I just dig it. I especially dig the random interlacing of The Jungle Brothers' "Got It Like That." That song is on Fatboy Slim's On The Floor At The Boutique, which I've probably mentioned a dozen times or so as my favorite mix album of the 90s. You should own that. These remixes are from a 12''.

Underworld
Promised Land
Little known fact: (well, not that little known, I've talked about it before) Underworld used to be a mediocre synthpop band before recruiting Darren Emerson and re-inventing themselves as the best fucking house band of the mid-90s. Listening to their pre-Emerson stuff it's hard to imagine that they were the same group, especially after hearing this piece of 80s cheese off of the Wild Orchid soundtrack. Goofy but fun.

Big Audio Blog Post III

2010-06-29T00:15:00.003-04:00

Hey remember when this blog was updated more than once every week or so? Man, those were the days. That Lost Turntable guy sure is an asshole.

Big Audio Dynamite
~~B.A.D. Overture~~
This is a mega-medly of various B.A.D. beats, samples and riffs. It's silly for sure, but a great example of both the highs and lows of 80s remixes all in one five minute track!

This track goes by a few different names. It's also called the "Lovesensi Overture" according to All Music, but the name "B.A.D. Overture" is what's on the back of the sleeve. Of course, that sleeve isn't infaliable, it lists the b-side as "2,000 Shoes (Top Buzz)" while it's actually just the Overture again.

The name "Lovesensi" is actually the name of the release this comes on, which is weird. It's a spoof on Prince's "Love Sexy." A fact made all the more evident by the utterly disturbing album cover.

Pearl Jam
Turning Mist
Hawaii 78 (Live)
The Pearl Jam fan club "Christmas" singles keep coming out later and later. They used to actually come out on Christmas from what I'm told, but they slowly turned into unofficial Easter gifts. This year they came close to the first day of summer. They keep it up they'll delay themselves back on schedule. I think they figured this one would be coming out in the summer though, since it's all about surfing and Hawaii, although the Hawaii tune really isn't a happy jam. You can read more about that amazing tune here.

Kirsty MacColl
Walking Down Madison (Club Mix)
Walking Down Madison (Urban Mix)
Walking Down Madison (6 a.m. Ambient Mix)
This is a good song with a great message and lyrics but the first two remixes take a song that was already late 80s/early 90s overproduced and jacks it up even more. The last remix is the best version of the song. It strips away all the bullshit and leaves you with nothing but a beat and the stark lyrics. Beautiful.

This Is a Sample of a Remix of a Cover.

2010-06-22T00:01:00.003-04:00

Hey it's me. I'm not dead. I've just been incredibly busy. Father's Day. Work. Technical difficulties with my turntable. Shit snowballs.

What have I been so busy doing you ask? Well, I did interview the lead singer of Foxy Shazam motherfuckers! You should go read that interview. It's amazing. Every word spoken in it was spoken by someone born in Toledo, Ohio. So, hey, beat that.

Anyways, here are some stupid remixes.

The Rolling Stones
Anybody Seen My Baby (Armand Van Helden Rolling Steelo Mix)
Anybody Seen My Baby (Soul Solution Vocal Dub)
Anybody Seen My Baby (Casanova New Vocal Mix)
Unless there's a 12'' dance remix of Satisfaction out there I think this will be one of the only times I feature Rolling Stones' tracks on this blog. Note: If there are 12'' dance remixes of Satisfaction out there, I don't need them. These remixes of ~~Constant Craving~~ a song that wasn't a total rip-off are from a 12'' single.

And yes, I know they gave K.D. Lang a songwriting credit for the song after they "discovered" the similarities, but hey, I bet the inheritors of The Staple Sisters estate are still waiting for a check after the Stones became "inspired" by their arrangement of a gospel song that the Stones took sole writing credit for. So then 30+ years later when The Verve sampled a cover of the song, which the Stones didn't really write mind you, they were forced to hand over all the rights to it. Fucking wankers.

Red Hot Chili Peppers
Higher Ground (Freckle Nose Mix)
Higher Ground (B. G. Dub)
Higher Ground (Pearly 12")
If You Want Me To Stay (Jingle Hell Mix)
If You Want Me To Stay (Instr-Mental)
I'm sure Stevie gets the royalties for the "Higher Ground" cover. Good thing too. This cover is still the best thing RHCP ever put out.

Raise Your Hand if you Like the Vuvuzela!

2010-06-13T00:21:00.009-04:00

Update 7/22/10
To the dickless fucker who keeps reporting this post as a DMCA violation. I want you to look at this post carefully. Do you see any fucking song links? No. You know why? Because I fucking took them down. You don' t own the rights to broken links you fucker.

Furthermore, whoever the fuck you are, MR. IFPI, you don't fucking own ANY OF THESE SONGS. They are fan-made mash-ups, unavailable to purchase legally. These mash-ups aren't costing you any money, and since I'm not charging for them, some would argue that they qualify as a perfect example of Fair Use.

So go fuck yourself, fuck your law, and fuck your mother. She puts out from what I've been told.

Fucker.

We now return to you to an non-existent post.

So I can punch you in the face. Ban that fucking thing. It's ruining the World Cup.

Anyways, hey it's a bunch of stupid mash-ups! Let's party like its 2001!

Hollertronix
Kopa Hombre
Staring At The Sun
Tippin Toxic
Snoop Vs. Cure
It's a Pity
Golddigger (Diplo Mix)
Golddigger (Tugboat Edit)
Can I Have It Like That? (DJ Gold Face Crazy Frog Remix)
Stay Fly (Mad Decent Remix)
I'm With The Girls (DJ ABCDEFG Remix)
Don't You Wish You Had A Caparihna (Grizzly Bounce / Chapaquente / Mad Decent Mix)
Okay, so I'm crediting these to "Hollertronix" but I have no idea how accurate that is. These are all basically remixes/mash-ups by Diplo from what I gather. At the very least he organized/produced them, so he wins. The remixes so drastically rework the original tracks that just calling them "remixes" and crediting them to the original artists seems silly. These are from volumes two and three of the Hollertronix series, which came out back in 2005. The track names are complete guesses for tracks from volume 2, I stole them from Discogs.

DJ Booty von Dralle
Don't Start Me Down (Pink vs. ELO)
Deeper Like Blood (Madonna vs. Killing Joke)
Oops, My Bubbles (Tweet vs Ellis, Beggs & Howard)
Sharona's Music (The Knack vs. Madonna)
I have no idea who "DJ Booty von Dralle" is. These mash-ups are from an entirely unofficial, completely-illegal white label 12'' I picked up a few months ago. Stupid but quite good. If anyone out there does know who this guy is let me know. He needs to be thanked/beaten for combining "My Sharona" with Madonna's "Music".

Pittsburgh is underwater.

2010-06-09T22:39:00.008-04:00

I am in a shit mood. I hate rain. Hate it. It's stupid and dumb. My house is underwater and my ceiling is leaking and I want to punch the sky, but my arms aren't long enough. It's annoying.

I bought some amazing stuff when I was in Philly a couple days ago. Hopefully some of it will be up here soon.

Queens Of The Stone Age

Never Say Never
Who'll Be Next In Line
You're So Vague
Never Say Never is a cover. It was originally on the soundtrack to The Punisher. It still is actually. But you can't buy it. Well, you can, but if you want the song you have to buy the whole lousy soundtrack. And I mean lousy as in "shitty" not in "the whole thing." Who'll Be Next In Line is a Kinks cover and "You're So Vague" is an original song, but if you don't know what it is referencing then you're an idiot and you can't read my blog anymore.

Lamb
Gorecki (Global Communication Remix)
Cotton Wood (Fila Brazilia Mix)
One of the very first CDs I ever reviewed was Lamb's sophomore album way back in 1999. I think I said "sounds like Portishead" about 84 times in that review. I've become a better writer since then but I'm going to stand by that opinion. These are from a weird 12'' promo single.

Oh no you Diggerididn't!

2010-06-01T23:51:00.001-04:00

You can blame the current lack of updates on work, personal bullshit and Super Mario Galaxy 2.

Jamiroquai
When You Gonna Learn? (Digeridoo)
When You Gonna Learn? (Digeridon't)
When You Gonna Learn? (J.K. Mix)
When You Gonna Learn? (Cante Hondo Mix)
When You Gonna Learn? (Original Demo)
When You Gonna Learn? (Didj. Instrumental)
Yes, I will admit I bought this 12'' solely because there's a remix on it called "Digeridon't" and I'm a sucker for puns that involve aboriginal instruments. I'm a simple man. Of course, the didgeridoo-lacking mix is the worst one of the bunch. Because if Richard D. James taught us anything, it's that didgeridoo's make dance music better.

Oh, and Jamiroquai's name is just as hard to spell sober as it is drunk.

Revenge
State Of Shock (L'Pool Edit)
State Of Shock (Paralized Mix)
Little Pig (Extended Mix)
If you do a search for "Peter Hook" and "Revenge" you get about 31,000 results. Add "maligned" to that and you get 455 hits. That means one out of 6.8 sites on the web that are talking about Revenge mention how much they suck. That's harsh. Well, I'm not going to jump on that bandwagon, but I will say that State Of Shock is a pretty blah song. The remixes help though.

'Yellow Magic' Just Sounds Gross Though

2010-05-26T09:43:00.002-04:00

Yup. It's music.

Yellow Magic Orchestra - X∞Multiplies
Nice Age
Behind The Mask
Rydeen
Day Tripper
Technopolis
Multiples
Citizens Of Science
Solid State Survivor
Talk about a band that's criminally underheard (in America anyways). Yellow Magic Orchestra is one of the synth-pop bands. As far as I'm concerned they're one of the first bands to perfect the electronic-pop sound, nearly beating Kraftwerk to the punch. So why haven't you heard of them? Well, most likely it's because they're from Japan, and us American assholes just don't seem to dig on Asian pop musicians, no matter how amazing they are. NONE of YMO's discography is currently in print in America, although the import price for their first two albums aren't that bad at Amazon at the moment. In the age of MP3s and digital music stores this is really inexcusable. Hey, whoever owns the rights to YMO's music, if you make it available to purchase I'll buy it. You're making it hard for me to give you money.

The history to this album is a bit confusing but also appropriate, considering that there are multiple versions of it. The Japanese version came first, and that featured a collection of new tracks as well as some sketch comedy bits. The American and European versions cut out all the comedy bits and instead treated the album as a compilation, taking the best bits from the band's first two albums and throwing them in with the tracks that were already there. The tracks listed here tonight are from my copy, which is the American version.

And that version of "Day Tripper" is something else.

This Blog Goes to 12. Spinal Tap can Suck it.

2010-05-22T01:05:00.002-04:00

Tonight's post is brought to you by eight month old Jagermeister. You see, that's when that shit gets SMOOTH. Wow my eyeballs feel warm...

Also, to the people asking for the soundtrack to Get Crazy, email me. The addy is on this page, you can find it. I don't post complete soundtracks anymore. They always get shut down by The Man. Fuck The Man. He's a tool.

Tonight's post is epic. Enjoy.

Big Country
In A Big Country (Pure Mix)
Wonderland (Extended Mix)
These are both reposts As in I posted this track before. But demand for the In A Big Country remix was overwhelming! Well, not overwhelming, two people asked. But I giving that whole "karma" thingy a try. For future reference to all y'all, if you want a track I posted before you should email me. It's easier and you are FAR more likely to get it that way then posting in the comments. It shows to me that you actually read my blog. That makes me happy. You know what else makes me happy. This song. I've never took the smile away from anybody's face either man. Damn, my face is all warm and stuff. I'm also reposting that amazing remix of "Wonderland" because I felt like it.

The B-52s
Hallucinating Pluto (Jason's Ride On Mix)
Hallucinating Pluto (Jason's Beats)
Roam (Miami Phunky Break Mix)
Love Shack (DJ Tonka Remix)
Planet Claire (Francois Kevorkian Mix)
Summer Of Love (Summer Party Mix)
Good Stuff (Schottische Mix)
Debbie (Edge Factor Mix)
So some of these are available to download at Amazon's MP3 store. But I don't care! Besides, my vinyl ripped versions sound neater. These mixes kick ass. Although Jason Mevin's mix of "Hallucinating Pluto" make it sound like the track is an invitation from Fred Schneider for you to mount him. But hey, it probably is. So go nuts. Also, the" Summer of Love" mix is by Shep Pettibone, and the "Good Stuff" mix is by Moby. Also, the "Good Stuff" mix is rock your balls off amazing. I got these from a promotional 2x12'' pack that was encased in red vinyl. It's cool.

Jamiroquai
Supersonic (Pete Heller - The Love Mix)
Supersonic (Restless Soul Main Vocal Mix)
Supersonic (Restless Soul Digi-Beats)
Supersonic (Pete Heller - The Love Dub)
Supersonic (Sharp Razor Remix)
Jamiroquai is very hard to spell. Much more so when drunk.

N.W.A.
Gangsta Gangsta (Aphrodite Mix/Club)
Dopeman (Aphrodite Mix/Club)
That's right biatch! I'm gangsta. Not really. These are remixes by Aphrodite. I never knew this 12'' existed before stumbling across it last week. If I had I probably would've gone out of my way to buy it because these tracks appear in mix form on Aphrodite's epic mix CD Urban Jungle. I think I've mention this before, but that mix CD is unbefuckinglievable. You will never hear a better 73 minutes of jungle music than you will on that CD. I just discovered it's out of print too! What the fuck? How did that happen? That's fucked up. Shit. If I ever dig mine out of storage I'll try to post it. The version I have on my computer is one long MP3, because back when I ripped it iTunes couldn't play mixes without pauses between tracks. It was annoying. Seriously though, however much you see that CD worth it's totally worth it. It's hand in hand with Fatboy Slim's On The Floor At the Boutique as the best mix CD of the 90s.

Listen To Black Sabbath.

2010-05-17T01:44:00.007-04:00

I'm not going to lie and say I'm some super-huge Dio fan. I don't own and Dio or Rainbow records (although I do own an Elf record for some reason - my music collection is just stupid sometimes). My Dio knowledge is pretty much limited to what he did with Sabbath, and even that's pretty light. Aside from "Mob Rules" and "Neon Knights" I don't think I ever heard a Dio-era Sabbath song until I moved to Pittsburgh a few years ago, when newly acquired metal-loving friends showed me what was what. A couple years later I got to see Dio in concert with Heaven & Hell (which is what Dio Sabbath calls themselves) and proceeded to have my mind blown. Holy shit. He was 65 at the time I think. I hope I am half that fucking metal when I'm 65. Shit. I'm not now and I'm less than half that age. I got some rocking to do.

If I may lighten the mood a bit; I have this joke I use (a lot). Whenever someone/something lets someone down I say "Well, it's like David Lee Roth, the concept of him is better than the reality. David Lee Roth is great in theory, but not in practice."

Stupid I know, but relevant. Because while the concept/myth/mystique of Dio was legendary, it was actually matched by the epic voice, presence and legacy of the man himself. Dio wasn't just a monster of metal. He fucking WAS metal. And he still is.

Black Sabbath (Heaven & Hell)
The Devil Creed
Shadow Of The Wind
Ear In the Wall
These three tracks are from The Dio Years greatest hits from a few years back. I posted them a couple years ago and I'm posting them again with the same instructions. Download these three songs and then go buy the The Rules Of Hell box set, which collects every album Dio ever did with Sabbath, including Live Evil and Dehumanizer.

And He's Still More Metal Than You

2010-05-16T16:36:00.001-04:00

And don't you fucking forget it.

Also, Depeche Mode.

2010-05-13T01:51:00.001-04:00

Okay, now that my rant is out the way...MUSIC!

Depeche Mode
Fragile Tension (Stephan Bodzin Remix)
Fragile Tension (Kris Menace's Love On Laserdisc Remix)
Hole To Feed (Paul Woolford's Easyfun Ethereal Disco Mix)
Perfect (Ralphi Rosario Dub)
Peace (Hervé's 'Warehouse Frequencies' Remix)
Peace (Sander Van Doorn Remix)
I almost went a full month without putting up some Depeche Mode. Thank god I fixed that. These are from the 2x12'' single for Fragile Tension/Hole To Feed. Notice that they are mostly different than the remixes that are on the CD single of the same name that is readily available on Amazon and I highly recommend buying. Also notice that one of these remixes is called "Kris Menace's Love On Laserdisc Remix." And speaking as someone who has a LaserDisc player hooked up to his computer, I say bravo to that.

Do It Big Tickets Sucks

2010-05-13T01:48:00.002-04:00

Tonight there are two posts. One without music and one with. I don't want to sully the music with tonight's little diatribe. If you only come here for the tunes then just skip this post all together.

I hate the fact that I have to moderate my comment section. I wish people could just post away on there. But that can't happen. I first had to enable comment moderation because of some random sick fucker posting stuff I won't get into. But I had to keep it up because I get an insane amount of spam comments. They're all the same, something like "I love your blog. What do you think of RANDOM GENERATED PRODUCT" with a link to a shit site. They are incredibly annoying.

I've been getting a ton recently from one site. I seemingly can't reject them as fast as they show up. It's maddening. Now, I'm sure these asshole WANT me to mention their site, because they want hits. Well I am going to mention their site, but not in the way they want.

Now, no matter what you do, DON'T GO TO THIS SITE for reasons that will become abundantly clear in the coming paragraphs.

The site spamming my blog is Do It Big Tickets. They're scalpers. I fucking hate scalpers. I really fucking hate how scalping is somehow legal now, but that's not the point of this rant. If Do It Big Tickets wants to make money by being the scum sucking cockmongers of the live music industry, then more power to them. But Do It Big Tickets should know that spamming other sites comment section is not an effective or ethical way to shill their useless site on the masses.

They don't even do it right! The comments are lame, generic and don't even mention the site's name. I write SEO (Search Engine Optimized) content for a living, and let me tell you, these comments would never do a good job at generating hits or improve search results.

Maybe I should show them how it's done then...

Are you looking for someone to rob you, pour sugar in your gas tank and punch your dog in the face? The go to Do It Big Tickets! Do It Big Tickets is your number one source for unethical business practices, shoddy customer service and infated ticket prices. In fact, Do it Big Tickets is the number one site on the internet for illegal business practices and price gauging. Want to see your favorite band for an affordable price? You can't! Because Do It Big Tickets hates you. Remember, if you want to pay too much for tickets, get ripped off and treated like shit then Do It Big Tickets is the site for you!

Now, that is SEO content. See how often I mentioned the site's name, usually next to words liek "scam," "illegal" and "price gauging"? That might help influence search results. Having their name in the title of this post certainly will. It's done wonders for Pitchfork Editor Scott Plagenoef search results (see the fifth one down) and those who want to know if Sting is a pussy.

Man I'm glad this site isn't read by anyone. Because that was incredibly unprofessional and immature.

Foxy Shazam and Seven Inches of Raw Power

2010-05-08T21:43:00.009-04:00

How is everyone on this lovely evening? I am in an exceptionally good mood. I saw Pearl Jam perform 2+ hours of awesomeness in Cleveland yesterday and am still riding my Vedder high. That was the eighth time I've seen them live and I'm already jonesing for more.

Speaking of awesome amazing stupendous things I feel the need to rave a bit about a band I recently discovered. I mentioned them briefly a few days ago but I don't think I did them enough justice.

Foxy Shazam are fucking awesome. I had never heard of these guys before last week, when I was assigned their CD to review for one of the sites I work for (I'll link to my review when it's up). I wanted to listen to them at first because A) They have an amazing name and B) They're playing Lollapalooza this year and since I'll be there I like to know the bands I might be seeing beforehand.

I knew nothing about these guys before I started playing the CD. It stars, there's dogs barking. I'm confused. Then a man with a voice of Freddie Mercury on 'roids (Eric Sean Nally) starts some polite crooning...before unleashing a beastly howl that is a sonic slap of super sexy awesome. From that second on this band has been my obsession. This album, which is self-titled, is without a doubt my first contender for album of the year. And if it had come out one year prior it would have made my top five albums of that decade. Yes. It's that fucking good.

Now, why am I going off on this? Why don't I do this for every album I love this much Well, if I heard albums this unbefuckinglievable more often I would. But this is the first time in recent memory that I can recall falling in love with a record this much. According to my Last.fm stats I have listened to Foxy Shazam over 180 times in the past week. Number two for that time period is LCD Soundsystem - and that's only because I had to review their new album as well.

(And on a quick aside, This Is Happening is the anti Foxy Shazam and is the worst album I've heard from an artist I liked since I can't remember when. "Drunk Girls" is a shit rip-off of ~~"White Lines/White Heat"~~ (edit: "White LIGHT/White Heat, I'm retarded,) and aside from three very good tracks the whole thing is an abortion of a record that should be set aflame and forgotten).

For whatever reason, this record is not getting the promotion it deserves. I haven't seen any notable reviews on Pitchfork, Stereogum or any blogs of note. And I'm not hearing the songs on commercials, in trailers or anywhere else for that matter. I do know that "Unstoppable" played briefly during the Super Bowl, but that was months ago. I don't even think they've released a single since the album came out. Which is fucked up. "Wanna-Be Angel" should be force-fed to every radio station in the country!

I urge all of you to BUY Foxy Shazam's new self-titled album. BUY it. Don't download it. Don't get the MP3s from a friend. Fucking go to the record store (or iTunes or Amazon, whatever) and spend your hard-earned cash on it. It will without question be the best 10 bucks you spend all damn year. And if you listen to that record and somehow are not completely blown away by the amazing awesomeness of it. If you aren't convinced that Foxy Shazam are the best RAWK band in the world and that they should by all rights be selling out stadiums around the world, well then you don't have permission to read my blog anymore.

Yeah. So I like them. Anyways, all of tonight's music (completely unrelated to Foxy Shazam) was taken from 7'' Record Store Day exclusives.

Tegan And Sara
Alligator
Hell
The Cure
On Directing
Have you bought Sainthood yet? You should. It's amazing. It's better than The Con, but not as good as So Jealous, which I love more so because I think about half the tracks on that CD were either written specifically about me or several of my best friends. Seriously, some of the tracks on that one were freakishly close to home.

Passion Pit
~~Little Secrets (Felix Da Housecat Pink Enemy Remix)~~
Chicks dig Passion Pit. If you're a dude who likes chicks and you don't like this group you should pretend you do at the very least. I wrote an article about the kinds of songs you should put on a mixtape, and this would be a good one for that. Whenever that article ends up online I'll be sure to link to it.

Against Me!
~~I Was a Teenage Anarchist (Acoustic Version)~~
I'm loving this song right now. I always enjoy it when a band has the balls to insult their fanbase in an intelligent way. Mindless Self Indulgence did it brilliantly with their scathing You'll Rebel To Anything, a record so critical of the Hot Topic culture it made the band's exclusivity deal with the retailer even more depressing, and Against Me have done it with this excellent track. Against Me are frequently labeled as a "sell out" band because they had the nerve to become better musicians and sign to a major label. This song turns the tables on those proclaiming sell out and explains that ideals are a hell of a lot easier to live by until you get to the real world. Besides, anarchists are such whiny little cowards anyways. I was happy to see them get maced by the police during the G20 protests. Because putting on black handkerchiefs and running around like idiots is a surefire way to start the revolution. Pussies.

I know what I have and I still have it. So hah.

2010-05-07T01:07:00.004-04:00

Random pop culture recommendations:

Foxy Shazam's new self-titled CD is un-be-fucking-lievable. Buy it.
How To Train Your Dragon is amazing. See it in 3D if you can.
The Protomen kick ass. Buy everything they have and see them live if possible.

Janet Jackson
~~Got 'Til It's Gone (Def Club Mix)~~
Got 'Til It's Gone (Def Radio Mix)
Got 'Til It's Gone (Armand Van Helden Speedy Garagez Mix)
Got 'Til It's Gone (Nellee Hooper Master Mix)
Got 'Til It's Gone (Jimmy Jam Mellow Mix)
Got 'Til It's Gone (Ummah's Uptown Saturday Night Mix)
Got 'Til It's Gone (Original Extended Version)
Got 'Til It's Gone (Ummah Jay Dee's Revenge Mix)
Got 'Til It's Gone (LP Instrumental)
This is probably my fifth favorite Janet Jackson song. Behind "Nasty," "Rhythm Nation," "Control" and "If." Although that last one is probably my favorite solely because of the video which was just...damn. Sure it may not be that risque now but it left quite the impression on me when I was 12.

But anyways, were here to talk about this song, which was apparently produced by the late great J. Dilla. And if you know who J. Dilla is then you probably already knew that. You also probably already knew that the "Ummah" mixes of the song were remixed by the Dilla also. Well look at you, aren't you smart. Show off. These are from a 12'' single.

Madonna
Causing a Commotion (Silver Screen Mix)
Causing a Commotion (Dub)
Causing a Commotion (Movie House Mix)
Now, don't get me wrong, "Causing a Commotion" is an excellent pop song. I love it. That's why I bought the 12'' single. But the "Movie House Mix," is nearly 10 minutes long. And unlike "Atomic Dog," you can have too much of this number. The six-minute "Silver Screen Mix" is far more palpable. You've been warned. Also listening to either version will probably cause the chorus to be stuck in your head for about six hours.

The Best MP3 Blog from 1987

2010-05-04T00:07:00.005-04:00

Tonight's post is epically stupid in all the best ways.

Don Henley
All She Wants To Do Is Dance (Extended Dance Remix)
All She Wants To Do Is Dance (Dubb Remix)
So The Eagles suck, but I have a theory about that. Although I think The Eagles are one of the single worst bands ever to exist in the history of reality, they have some amazingly talented members. The most notable of these is of course Joe Walsh, who crafted three of the greatest rock songs of the the 1970s ("In The City," "Rocky Mountain Way" and the immortal "Life's Been Good"). But let's not forget Glenn Fry, who gave us three amazing pop tracks in the 80s ("The Heat Is On," "You Belong In The City" and "Smuggler's Blues"). And then there's Don Henley, who served up some of the best cheese of the 80s with hits like the above track and "Dirty Laundry."

So how do three superb song writers somehow manage to become the creative core of a group who was responsible for some of the most offensively bland drivel of the 1970s? Well, either Don Felder and Randy Meisner are aggressively awful songwriters who dominated The Eagles recording sessions, or there was just so much AWESOME in that band that it all canceled out. I just want to know who I have to blame for the existence of "Witchy Woman." I hate that song more than anything ever in the history of anything. However, I do love me some "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" even though it's a song so stupid that it should be forced to wear a helmet when it goes outside. These remixes of said stupid song are from a 12'' single that I bought from an idiot at a record show in Green Tree, PA.

James Brown
Living In America (R&B Dance Version)
Living In America (Instrumental)
I FEEL GOOD! I also bought these from the same idiot in Green Tree. Why is this guy an idiot you ask? Okay, imagine you're a record dealer at a semi-popular record show. You want to make money, you want to sell your product. Do you bother to stop by the bank beforehand to pick up some extra singles so you can dish out change? If you answered "yes, why that just makes sense, what do you take me for, a fucking idiot?" well then you're smarter than this butthead. When he had to give me these records at a dollar off he was mad at ME, like it was my fault that HE was a flippin' maroon. Also, the extra buck I saved meant that I was only overpaying nine bucks for these records instead of 10. This dipshit wanted 45 bucks for a Duran Duran 12'' that was opened and in shit condition. Goober.

Anyways, this song is AWESOME. (There's a lot of capitalized awesome in tonight's post.) And is of course from Rocky IV, the greatest example of Cold War bullshit ever produced. I remember seeing that movie in theaters when I was six or seven. I immediately wanted to become a boxer for Ronald Reagan. I also kind of wanted to be Drago, because as a freakishly tall kid with a speech disorder I identified with him.

Hey, speaking of AWESOME, Stallone and Dolph Lundgren, have you all seen the trailer for The Expendables? You should watch it, but be careful, that trailer is so amazing that it might break your computer. I'm so stoked for that shit I'm almost aroused. Yeah, that was gross, but I don't care. You know why? CUZ I FEEL GOOD!

Okay, maybe it's time I go to bed.

Aztec Camera With Mick Jones
Good Morning Britain (Kitsch 'n' Sync Mix)
Good Morning Britain (Vocal Mix)
But I'm not gonna! These too are from a 12'' single that I bought in Green Tree, but I didn't pick them up from an idiot. I bought it from an exceptionally nice dude who had a shitload of Stone Roses 12'' singles that nearly cleared out my wallet. This song is moderately awesome. Recommend it to all your friends.

It's Time For Techno Motherfookers!

2010-04-27T01:44:00.003-04:00

I don't like to swear in my post titles. So sue me. Mad props to the dude who discovered the source of the sample in last night's post. You get a no-prize.

Guru Josh
Infinity (Much Much More)
Infinity (Spacey Saxophone Mix)
Infinity (1990's...Time For The Guru 7'' Mix)
Infinity (1990's...Time For The Guru Mix)
Infinity (Mad Mix)
This is stupid, even for late-80s/early-90s techno. It's so dumb I almost don't like it, but that groovy smooth sax melody gets me every time. So apparently this was a hit single in Europe twice? Once in 1989 and then again in 2008/09? Wow. I mean, it's not bad I guess, but really? It's just so damned stupid.

Quadrophonia
Schizofrenia - The Worst Day Of My Life (Electrik Chair Mix)
Schizofrenia - The Worst Day Of My Life (Mark's Ambient Heaven)
Schizofrenia - The Worst Day Of My Life (Omen Mix)
Schizofrenia - The Worst Day Of My Life (Tribal Tekno)
Schizofrenia - The Worst Day Of My Life (Electrik Edit)
But it really has nothing on this. While Infinity is stupid in a mildly entertaining kind of way, this shit is stupid in a so-damned-retarded-it's-brilliant way. It's almost like it was planned. IT'S TIME FOR TECHNO MOTHERFUCKERS! That's actually a line in one of these remixes. Other choice vocal samples include various Chuck D/Flavor Flav vocal snippets, that one chick saying "bass" and that dude who says "hell yeah." It even throws in some Beastie Boys samples at one point! All its missing is the James Brown "Woo! Yeah!" and the Amen Break and it would have won Acid House cliche bingo. Majestic idiocy at its finest.

I'd Want My Foot Back

2010-04-26T00:15:00.004-04:00

Hey, I interviewed someone from Big Audio Dynamite!

Hey, I reviewed the new edition of This Is Big Audio Dynamite!

Hey! Music from bands you probably never heard of!

Braindead Sound Machine
Where The Pavement Ends (Edit)
Where The Pavement Ends (Nitronic Mix)
The Living End
Soon Come, Goddamit
And the winner for the Wikipedia page Most Obviously Written by a Fan or Band Member goes to Braindead Sound Machine. Yikes. That thing is a nightmare. I put some stuff up by these guys before, they were on Wax Trax, which is pretty much the only reason why I bought this single in the first place. It's been sitting in my "Songs For The Blog" playlist for about a year now, and in the spirit of spring cleaning I finally decided to post them. I actually dig "Where The Pavement Ends" it's a pretty good upbeat dance tune that happens to have one of the most disturbing vocal samples I've ever hard the wonderful displeasure of hearing. If anyone can tell me where that particularly gruesome vocal sample is from I would appreciate it. Don't bother telling me where the vocal samples on "Some Come, Goddamit" are from. You know someone as misanthropic as me has seen Network right?

Sheep On Drugs
~~15 Minutes of Fame (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3)~~
I could have probably cut this into three separate MP3s, but the single listed them as one track and if I'm anything it's a stickler for consistency. I've heard about half a dozen Sheep on Drugs tracks and this is by far my favorite. It's also the longest, so that works out well.

I Need a Devo Hat

2010-04-22T23:35:00.004-04:00

Some of you wanted to read the thing I wrote about trance music. It's not much but here it is. Enjoy.

I've been writing for eHow for about a month now. It's a pretty solid gig and I enjoy it. If you like that article check out the other stuff I've written there. Shocker: most of it is about audio and video.

Devo
Baby Doll (Extended Mix)
Baby Doll (Single Mix)
Baby Doll (Dub Mix)
Baby Doll (Devo Single Mix)
Baby Doll (Percapella)
Baby Doll (Sung In Swedish)
Agitated (Hyperextended Mix)
Devo! You know what's cooler than Devo? Nothing. That's a scientific fact that has been proven by science! You can't deny it's truth. Devo is playing Lollapalooza. I am going to Lollapalooza. I am more than stoked. I am going to watch them work it. Lolla's line-up is pretty solid this year, minus the horrid Lady Gagagagaganess.

Yikes, digression. Anyways, Devo. They're awesome. Let's focus on that. Most of these tracks are from a 12'' single for Baby Doll that was freaking sealed when I bought it last month, so they sound INCREDIBLE. The very odd Swedish version is from the soundtrack to Tapeheads. That was not sealed and sounds less incredible, but still pretty damn good. A few of these tracks were on the re-issued version of Total Devo that came out in the 90s, but that version of the album - heck all versions of that album - is out of print. So I don't want to hear any "hey this isn't that rare" bullshit. Don't cramp my Devo high. New Devo this June! Fuck yeah!

Coheed & Cambria
~~Pearl of the Stars (Big Beige Demo Version)~~
Okay, you know what's almost as cool as Devo? Claudio Sanchez's hair. If you stare at it long enough it starts to stare back. It could beat Chuck Norris in a fight. This demo take of the quality track from Coheed's latest brilliant piece of overblown insanity, The Year Of The Black Rainbow, is from a 7'' picture disc that I got on Record Store Day. Good times.

Many Miles Away Bigfoot Rocks Out

2010-04-19T02:10:00.005-04:00

I hope everyone enjoyed their Record Store Day and got plenty of nifty neato keen exclusive records. I sure as hell did and in the coming weeks I'll probably be posting them. Until then here are some especially bitchin' tracks that I've been meaning to share for a while now.

~~Steppenwolf~~ - Magic Carpet Ride (Steir's 1999 Ride Club Mix)
DJ Rap - Good To Be Alive (Deep Dish Remix)
Sometimes shit is creepy man. Not a week goes by after I mention how I wish I had a copy of Philip Steir's remix of Magic Carpet Ride that I find it, on freaking vinyl, in a record store. Not only that, it's an entirely different remix that's twice as long as the version that I had on the soundtrack to Go all those years ago. Synchronicity man, Sting was right (had to happen eventually). Somewhere the Loch Ness Monster is getting ready to appear. It's gonna happen. Or something. Maybe if I keep saying I need a beautiful six foot tall women who likes Gary Numan to show up at my doorstep that'll happen to. Anyways, the vinyl that I got this from was a 4-track 2x12'' sampler for the Go soundtrack that had also had the above remix of the DJ Rap song. Nice bonus. The other two tracks were on the regular CD version so I'm not posting them here.

Spizz
~~Where's Captain Kirk (Extended Remix)~~
I don't know if Spizz (aka Spizzenrgi aka Spizz Oil aka Athletico Spizz '80 aka oh c'mon now...) deserved to be star, but he definitely deserved to be a one-hit-wonder. The original version of "Where' Captain Kirk" remains the best song about Star Trek EVER and one of the best punk rock singles ever put to wax. He was also responsible for one of the strangest 30 second songs ever written "Clock are Big" and he appears in the greatest New Wave concert film ever. The greatness surrounding Spizz abounds.

This extended remix the punk rock track that boldly went where no punk rock track had gone before is not based off the original version, but is instead an extended take of synthed-out version that was recorded in 1987. It's still great, but not as good as the original. I got this from a 12''.

IT'S RECORD STORE DAY!

2010-04-17T01:15:00.003-04:00

Turn off your computer and go buy some vinyl bitches.

Well, not now, it's 1:15 in the morning, but you know what I mean.

Can all Paul's create good dance music?

2010-04-15T00:20:00.003-04:00

Meh I'm tired go listen at the neat dance music.

Paul Van Dyk
Nothing But You (PVD Club Mix)
Nothing But You (Vandit Club Mix)
Nothing But You (Cirrus Mix)
I recently had to write a guide explaining the different types of trance music. You know what? That shit wasn't easy. You try explaining how hard trance is different than acid trance and how all goa is psytrance but not all psytrance is goa (maybe, that's debatable I guess) and that vocal, pop, uplifting and anthem are all different sub-genres. And then do all that in 500 fucking words. Damn. I love me some trance music but I HATE writing about it. Which is why all I'm going to say about this track is that I love it and that I got it from a 12'' single.

Paul Oakenfold
Southern Sun (Sabato Breakz Mix)
Southern Sun (Tiesto Mix)
Southern Sun (Gabriel And Dresden Mix)
Southern Sun (Liquid Todd Mix)
Ready Steady Go (PMT Mix)
Ready Steady Go (Trailer Trash Mix)
Ready Steady Go (Layo And Bushwacka Mix)
This too is trance, so I'll just say that Southern Sun is very pretty and Ready Steady Go is a great dance tune. There's my insightful music criticism for the day. Leave me alone, it's late.

Acid 4x4
~~Planet Love Ink~~ - Living In Pain
Vinyl Countdown - Animal Republic
Burger Industries - Funk The Industry
Brotherhood of Structure - We Are Structure
As much as I like trance I think my heart will always lie with acid house. While trance can get a little pretentious, mellow or pop-friendly at times, acid house is always gloriously stupid. This is a genre whose crowning achievement is The KLF's White Room, an album that was purposely designed to be a mainstream hit to appeal to the lowest common denominator. And it's fucking brilliant. These tracks are decidedly less brilliant but are still quite fun, and are from a 2x10'' sampler that came on red transparent vinyl. Side note: Vinyl Countdown is a fucking brilliant name.

The Big Gay Post

2010-04-14T00:25:00.004-04:00

So how has everyone been. I've been trying to update more often but life keeps getting in the way. Damn getting paid to write.

Which reminds me, hey I wrote this, you should go read it and say how awesome it is.

Cyndi Lauper
Come On Home (Techno Vox)
Come On Home (Techno Dub)
Come On Home (Jungle Vox)
Come On Home (Junior's Sound Factory Mix)
Come On Home (Factory Dub) (Short Version)
Come On Home (Extended Club Mix)
I think I'm gay for Cyndi Lauper, does that make any sense? I mean, dudes who like chicks aren't supposed to dance like a retard to house remixes of songs by gay icons are they? But who makes these rules? Why can't a big guy from Pittsburgh who likes football and Motorhead also rock out to synthpop and fabulous house music? Fuck that. If I want to listen to Erasure and watch a marathon of RuPaul's Drag Race one day and listen to 2 Live Crew and watch Charles Bronson movies the next (Bronson is the manliest man ever, that's a fact) then that's my business!

These remixes kick ass, if you haven't picked up on that already. The 12'' for this lists the tracks in a pretty interesting way actually. Side one is labeled as the "techno" side, while the b-side is called the "house" side. The descriptions are dead on, although I think dubbing one track "Jungle Vox" was pushing it.

One more note about this single. The tracklisting says that the "Junior Sound Factory Mix" is 11:43 long. Now, I recoded this sucker twice to be sure, and it's coming out to about 11:07 for me. If it's skipping over a 30 second bit of the song it's doing a damn good job of hiding it.

Boy George
Don't Take My Mind On A Trip (Main Club 12")
Don't Take My Mind On A Trip (12" U.K. Acid Dub)
Don't Take My Mind On A Trip (Boris & Chris 12")
Don't Take My Mind On A Trip (Main Club 12")
I am NOT gay for Boy George. Sorry. These tracks are from a 12'' single that bought mostly to see if the "acid" mix really was acid house. It sadly wasn't . Not a bad track really, but not at all my style.

My Morning Sun will Self-Destruct in 5 Seconds.

2010-04-07T23:33:00.005-04:00

Fucking weather! It's 84 today and it's going to be 45 on Friday. My nose is going to fall off.

But hey, music!

Adam Clayton & Larry Mullen
Mission: Impossible Theme (Mission Accomplished) (Dave Clarke Remix)
Mission: Impossible Theme (Mission Accomplished)
Theme From Mission: Impossible (Junior's Hard Mix)
Theme From Mission: Impossible (Guru Mix)
Theme From Mission: Impossible (Junior's Hard Mix - Edit)
Theme From Mission: Impossible (Tribal Beats)
I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for this meeting:

Executive 1: "Hey everyone, we got the two guys from U2 to record the new Mission: Impossible Theme!"
Executive 2: "Wow! We got Bono and The Edge?"
Executive 1: "No...the other two."
Executive 2: "You're fired."

That being said, this song is probably one of five U2-related songs recorded since1996 that I haven't fucking hated with a passion. These remixes of the theme song from the Tom Cruise monstrosity were taken from a 12'' single.

New Order
True Faith (Morel's Extra Dub)
True Faith (Philip Steir Dub)
True Faith (Morel's Pink Noise Club Mix)
True Faith (Philip Steir Club Mix)
True Faith (Morel's Calling Shifty Dub)
More New Order that I didn't have before! That's amazing. Twice in a month! Even more amazing is that when I picked up this 2x12'' promo last week I actually recognized these two remixers by name. Morel is an amazing remixer, and his mixes for the Pet Shop Boys and Depeche Mode are all must-listens. He's also a solo artist, and his 2008 album The Death of a Paperboy was...well...kinda crap. But hey, he has the remixes going for him, which is nice. Philip Steir is also an accomplished remix artist; he did that bitchin' remix of Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride" that was on the soundtrack to Go. But anyways, all of these mixes are pretty damn good. It doesn't hurt that True Faith has one of the catchiest choruses of all time.

EAT ELECTRIC DEATH BITCHES! The Tempest 2000 Soundtrack

2010-03-31T22:17:00.003-04:00

My friend Anna Hegedus recently bought an Atari Jaguar. Don't worry, she already apologized. It was one of the few remaining holes in her classic console collection, which already included legendary duds like the 3D0 and the Phillips CDi. So she was pretty hardcore about tracking one down. She was so hardcore that she paid...well I'm not going to say what she paid, it was a lot...for a Jaguar-themed bundle on eBay.

The box of suck included an Atari Jaguar (still in box) and an Atari CD add-on (very hard to find). It also included several games, including copies of Dragon's Lair and Space Ace that were signed by Don Bluth.

With baited breath Anna and I hooked up the Jaguar today for a test drive (sorry, bad pun) and we quickly plowed through the batch of horrendous suckfests that were the Atari Jaguar software library. We bore witness to a horrendous port of Doom, the shitty space shooter Cybermorph, and the Jaguar CD's horrendous port of Blue Lightening, an Afterburner rip-off that was actually a sweet Lynx title. We even booted up the pinnacle of shit, the movie-based White Men Can't Jump, which played and looked like NBA Jam covered in about 50 tons of raw sewage.

However, there was one diamond in the shit-stained rough; Tempest 2000.

Tempest 2000 is a remake of the original Tempest, an arcade classic from 1981 and it kicks eight different kinds of ass. It's the most frantic and fast-paced shooter you'll ever play and it's crazy psychedelic explosions made the game an acid trip in cart form. There were other versions of the game released on other systems but the Atari Jaguar version remains the best.

And not only did Anna's box of Atari ass contain the original Tempest 2000 (in the box, complete with instructions to boot) but it also included one more bit of Tempest-related goodness...

Tempest 2000: The Soundtrack
The Tempest 2000 soundtrack KICKS ASS, and it's one of the reasons why the Jaguar version remains the definitive release. It's an amazing collection of acid house inspired techno and entirely original. It's a bit derivative and definitely silly as hell, but so was most "legit" electronic music at the time. If you like old-school Moby, The KLF or FSOL then you need to listen to this soundtrack, it's the best techno album you never heard.

Now if you visit Amazon you can buy this soundtrack, and many of you probably know that I try not to post music that's in print and easily available. However, I'm making an exception this time around, and for various reasons:

1. This technically isn't available at Amazon, it's being sold by an independent retailer through Amazon's site.

2. The retailer himself says that the soundtrack is out of print.

3. This soundtrack was released by Atari, and they no longer exist

Does that make me a hypocrite who's over-rationalizing? Maybe. But I don't care. The fact remains that this album is out of print, it kicks ass and you should listen to it right now!

Also go visit Anna Hegedus' amazing site, where she'll show you how to fix your NES, make your 360 full of pretty lights and much more!

Also, if you like Tempest 2000 then check out this excellent lecture by Jeff Minter, the crazy motherfucker behind it all.

No llamas were harmed the in making of this post.

Songs About Partying and Responsible Driving

2010-03-26T01:37:00.004-04:00

I am in an excellent mood! That's right. Boo-yah! Bet you didn't see that coming! Let's celebrate with two of the happiest songs of all time.

Cyndi Lauper
Hey Now (Girls Just Want To Have Fun) (Junior's Sound Factory Mix)
Hey Now (Girls Just Want To Have Fun) (Techno Main Mix)
Hey Now (Girls Just Want To Have Fun) (Straight Up Pass)
Hey Now (Girls Just Want To Have Fun) (Factory Dub)
Hey Now (Girls Just Want To Have Fun) (Techno Dub)
I love Cyndi. She was probably my first crush...which explains a lot. It's not fair that she vanished into B-level oblivion, reduced to reality TV shows. Terri Nunn's appearance on RuPaul's Drag Race got me hooked on that show, which is something I thought would never happen. But the same will never happen for Celebrity Apprentice, even thoughCyndi Lauper is a contestant at the moment. The only way I would ever watch that show is if I knew it would end with Cyndi not only winning the competition but celebrating by ripping off Donald's fucking head and using it as a microphone whilst singing "Money Changes Everything." Then she'd drop kick it into the audience and rock out with She-Bop. But that's (probably) not going to happen huh?

These remixes are of the "Hey Now" version of the song, which first appeared on her greatest hits compilation Twelve Deadly Cyns...and Then Some. That version is entirely different than the original, and these remixes make it even more out there, changing the vibe of the album to a late-80s/early-90s house one. It's pretty rad in my opinion. Although I'm sure my roommate is concerned by my consistent rocking out to it.

Geggy Tah
Whoever You Are (Hallucination's Sunday Driver Mix)
Whoever You Are (The Vagabond Mix)
Whoever You Are (Hallucination's Drive-By Dub)
Whoever You Are (Hallucination's Sunday Driver Instrumental)
This is the song from that Mercedes commercial from a few years back. You know it. It's the "All I wanna do is to thank you even though I don't know who you are/you let me change lanes while I was driving in my car." And with that typed lyric this song you have this song stuck in your head and I've ruined your weekend. You're welcome.

Sidenote: As much as I love this little ditty I think the fact that there are four remixes of it serves as definitive proof that the 90s remix craze was a little excessive.

Sidenote to the sidenote: For those who care it's worth noting that a couple of these mixes are by Rabbit In The Moon.

Return of Trip The Moog Fantastic

2010-03-24T01:30:00.000-04:00

Past few posts have been nothing but 80s/90s gold. Well, now for something COMPLETELY different. This is the kind of shit I listen to when I really want to forget about the real world.

Marty Gold
Moog Plays The Beatles
Okay, before I get to the wackiness involved with this I have to make a confession. I stole these MP3s.

Well, not really. I do own this album. But when I recorded it way back when it was on my shitty turntable that spun too fast. I didn't want to post those versions, but I also didn't want to dig the LP out of my massive stacks of unorganized records and re-record it either. Luckily an awesome blog called 36 15 Moog posted it and the author of that blog kindly gave me permission to steal from him. I recommend everyone check out that AMAZING blog if you want even more Moogy madness. His recording equipment is amazing because this copy sounds crystal fucking clear. Dude gets props in my book. I just added that blog (and other outstanding blogs by the same guy) to my blogroll. Check them out.

Now, with that out of the way we can discuss this amazingly stupid record. It's an early entry in the Moog craze, coming out in 1969, just a year after Wendy Carlos' amazing Switched On Bach started the craze, and it's particularly sly in combining the Moog mania with the tail end of Beatlemania. As Moog novelty records go it's fairly good if not at all experimental or adventurous. I have worse Moog records for sure though, it's hard to make "Eleanor Rigby" unlistenable after all.

The Electronic Concept Orchestra
Moog Groove
I know very little about this "group." I use quotes because I'm pretty damn certain it was most likely just a couple dudes with a Moog, a drumkit and a dream. The back cover of the record (which you can read here) is one of many Moog album linear notes to go off on the "new sounds" that the Moog could create. That seemed to be a fascination with the Moog when it first came out. Everyone wanted to hear a "new sound." I suppose that makes sense, and you could probably mirror that fascination with the auto-tune/robovoice of today. That being said, Moog Groove isn't really packed with "new sounds" as much as it is packed with old sounds done in a slightly new way. I can't imagine anyone from 1969 buying this record and upon first listen proclaiming "My god! I've never heard a sound like this before! My ears, they are awoken from a slumber that I didn't even know they were in!"

The selection is a little weak as well. Like every single fucking Moog album ever made it includes a version of "Aquarius" from Hair, as well as its own fair share of Beatles covers. The take on "Grazing In The Grass" is pretty fun though. It's also fun to compare the two version of Penny Lane and Hey Jude on both of these albums to see how different artists used the Moog. While Marty Gold used a simple guitar-like sound for the melody of "Penny Lane" The ECO went for a faux-vocal approach, which fits the song much better in my opinion. Both are stupid fun regardless. Enjoy and I'll probably have some more "normal" music up later this week. In the mean time if you want to hear some amazing Moog-based music check out this post. If you want to hear some hysterically odd Moog tunes go here. You should check out this other post if you want to here some pre-Moog electronica. And click at your own risk here if you're retarded and horny for even more Moog.

Confusion!!! And other stuff.

2010-03-23T00:35:00.004-04:00

Ah spring, fresh air, sunny days...and fucking relentless dog barking thanks to my shitty neighbors leaving their poor dogs out alone all day.

A quick mini-rant. I'm trying to be more positive nowadays so it's not going to be especially vitriolic. Sorry guys, being an angry prick 24/7 wasn't good for my health.

I kind of made a big deal earlier this year about some troll-like comments the blog was getting. I don't mind being corrected for my mistakes, I don't even mind a bit of snarky attitude. But getting consistently harassed for either incredibly small mistakes or for things that aren't actually mistakes at all is really annoying and disheartening. I have real problems that I'm dealing with right now that depress me enough, I don't need some worthless punk who would never dare talk to me that way to my face giving me grief over the internet.

So anyways, starting now needlessly vile, mean-spirited or hate-filled comments will no longer be approved by yours truly. That doesn't mean you can't tell me I suck, please tell me I suck. But tell me WHY I suck and do it in an intelligent manner.

Funny note about this whole thing: I warned one offending commenter that if he didn't clean up his act I would no longer approve his comments. He of course didn't and now he's banned. I said as much in the comment thread and he then commented again, saying that my readers reading this comment would know I'm a coward for not publishing it...

There's a logic flaw there. I'll leave it to you to figure out.

And besides, if that somehow makes me a coward fine. I'd rather be a happy coward than an angry brave idiot arguing over bullshit that doesn't matter in the first place.

New Order
Confusion (Alternative Mix)
Confusion (Essential Mix)
Confusion (Trip 1-Ambient Confusion)
Confusion (Accapella)
Confusion (Con-om-fus-ars-ion Mix)
Confusion (Ooh-Wee Dub)
I now have over 20 New Order singles, in fact it may be a lot more than that. Those are just the ones I've recorded to my computer. I really need to start a list of all the damn records I own. My collection isn't even in alphabetical order aside from my Depeche Mode collection, which has its own separate section which I worship everyday. Aren't there websites or something where you can catalog the shit you own? Are they any better than just writing up a big excel file?

These mixes of "Confusion" are odd. They aren't from the original Factory single but instead from a 1990 single released by Minimal Records. I feel fairly confident in proclaiming these aren't in print in any form. I also feel confident in proclaiming that "Con-om-fus-ars-ion Mix" is the most annoying thing I had to type all month.

Garbage
Push It (Victor Calderone Club Mix)
Push It (Victor Calderone Dub Mix)
Push It (Boom Boom Satellites Mix)
There is supposedly a new Garbage CD coming out this year. That makes me happy.

That third mix has a funny name unless you know that Boom Boom Satellites is actually the name of a band, a damn good band from Japan in fact. I actually saw Boom Boom Satellites live once. They opened for Moby in 1999 during his first tour in support of Play. They were amazing live but everything I've heard on CD just hasn't compared for some reason.

Now yes, the Boom Boom Satellites mix is on the 2-disc version of Absolute Garbage, however, that version is actually an edit of this version that cuts about a minute or so out. This one is extra Boom Boom for your buck.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Actually, I Wish I Was A Little Bit Shorter

2010-03-21T12:49:00.004-04:00

Weird combo of stuff for your Sunday listening pleasure.

Primal Scream
Come Together (Farley Mix)
Loaded (Farley Mix)
Loaded (Weatherall Mix)
Ramblin' Rose (Live)
Man...I'm so mellow now I just...yeah...groovy.

I wish the Acid House scene would have hit bigger in America, especially the rock-oriented part of it. It's a shame that neither Primal Scream nor The Stone Roses were able to parlay their beat-heavy rock freak-outs into American success, I guess we were too busy doing heroin at the time. Primal Scream's "Come Together" is in my opinion the second-best song to carry that name (the first is Spiritualized version, and three is Soundgarden's retarded cover of The Beatles' original). "Loaded" is no doubt the best track ever to sample a Fonda as well. I just realized that's my second Fonda family reference this year. Freaky.

These mixes are from a 12'' single. Now, apparently I'm under increased scrutiny to get my sources/availability right so let me say that these songs were at one point available in America via various singles. However those are all out of print. Now there is a version of the Farley Mix on the US version of the album Screamadelica, but it's considerably longer than this one, which must be a single edit. If I am wrong about any of this please correct me in a kind and respectful fashion and I'll send you a cookie.

Skee-Lo
I Wish (Old School Dub)
I Wish (Concrete Jungle Mix)
I Wish (Mama's Street Dub)
I Wish (Soulwax Mix)
I love this song. Love love love love it. I love singing along to it, especially since I'm a fucking giant and me saying "I wish I was a little bit taller" is funny to me and stupidly annoying to anyone else. The "Concrete Jungle" mix is really an odd one. It's exactly what the name suggests, a mid-90s jungle mix complete with crazy-ass cut-up drums. This is a real, officially-released mix, not some white-label bootleg mash-up.

For that download the Soulwax mix, which splices in "Eye Of The Tiger" and The Breeders' "Cannonball." I didn't get that from the same 12'' that the other mixes are from, I found it on the interwebs ages ago. It is not the same version that appears on Soulwax's excellent 2 Many Djs Part 2 album, that's part of a mix and is considerably shorter than this one. Anyways, the previously mentioned 12'' also had the "street" mix, which you can download on Amazon and iTunes so I'm not putting it here. You can also download a new "rock" version of "I Wish" but I wouldn't recommend it.

Perpetual Blog

2010-03-17T00:50:00.002-04:00

Tonight's post is made of win, full of epic, all that shit.

The Orb
Perpetual Dawn (Solar Flare Extended Mix)
Perpetual Dawn (Ultrabass II)
Perpetual Dawn (Ultrabass I)
Perpetual Dawn (Solar Youth Mix)
Star 6 & 7 8 9 (Phase II)
"Perpetual Dawn" is probably my least favorite track off of The Orb's Adventure's Beyond The Ultraworld. And before you ask, yes it's because of the random "blahblabblah" vocals. It has ALWAYS bugged me it always will. However, it's still an awesome tune and since some of these remixes downplay that little bit of vocal retardation, it's a bit easier for me to get behind them than the original version. To the best of my knowledge the only one of these that you can go out and buy is the "Ultrabass II" mix, which is on the deluxe version of the aforementioned album. However, that version never came out in the states, so I'm gonna make an exception to my rule that I rarely go by anyways and post it. And if you like The Orb click here. Blue Room.

Kraftwerk
Robotnik (Kling Klang Extended Mix)
Robotronik (Kling Klang Mix)
Funny and totally random story. I used to be way into the Sonic games as a kid (I grew out of them after part three, which was good timing considering how much ass they are now). The Americanized name of the villain in that game is Dr. Robotnik, pronounced "Robot-Nik" I, in my infinite stupidity, pronounced it "Robo-tink" which sounds like some fucked up robotic sex toy. These two versions of "The Robots" are remixes of the version that is on their 1991 album The Mix, which was itself a remix. It's confusing. Don't think about it. Just listen to the German techno and be happy.

Saint Eitenne
Who Do You Think You Are (Strobelights & Platform Shoes Mix)
Who Do You Think You Are (Saturday Night Fever Dub)
Who Do You Think You Are (Nu Solution Mix)
Who Do You Think You Are (Tilt Dub)
Who Do You Think You Are (Quex-Rd)
I totally forgot I had these. Not only that, I totally forgot buying this 12'' single, recording it, tagging the MP3s and adding them to my iTunes collection. I wasn't even on drugs or drinking (I think) when I did all of that either. The only reason I found these tracks is because I recently bought more Saint Eitenne. I'm used to finding weird shit when I clean my room (old socks, a Spin magazine from 1999, my copy of Purple Rain on vinyl) but the fact that I can lose shit on my computer is a whole other level of disorganization that I'm almost a little bit proud of.

Oh, and these are good remixes, enjoy.

Chaka Mad!

2010-03-12T00:15:00.004-05:00

I lost power today, two of my fish decided it would be fun to swim into the filter (I don't know how they knocked the arm off, must've been a suicide pact) and despite the fact that it hit the mid-60s today there's still a mountain of black snow in front of my driveway that is like Ice-nine in its resistance to room temperature. And I don't even have any good industrial music to post in response to this shitstorm. Grr. Maybe some bitchin' jams will cheer me up.

Chaka Khan
~~I Feel For You (Remix)~~
I bought this 12'' single on Tuesday, ever since then I have randomly been muttering "Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan." Just now it occurred to me to google "Wrath of Chaka Khan" and I found this.

Okay, I'm happy now.

And just to stop all the hating haters who want to hate (yes, I'm aware of the stupidity of that statement), this specific remix is not the remix that is on Chaka Khan's remix compilation.

P!nk
Get This Party Started/Sweet Dreams (Featuring Redman)
Get This Party Started (Remix) (Featuring Lady May)
Get The Party Started (Ernie's All Night Anthem)
Get The Party Started (Pink Noise Disco Mix)
I really hate spelling Pink's name with an exclamation point, but in order for my Last.fm stats to be 100% accurate it appears I have to do that from now on. Stupid OCD making me insaner. That first remix is totally bizarre, who thought to interpolate Sweet Dreams, a dark and disturbing new wave classic, with a super upbeat ode to rocking out? Odd. While the generically-titled "remix" lives up to its nothing name, "Ernie's All Night Anthem" is a great slice of Hi-NRG house, and the "Disco Mix" certainly sounds like it could have been recorded in the late-70s/early-80s. It's always amazing to me how much production work can change a song. All of these mixes are from the same 12'' DJ promo single.

St. Etienne
Only Love Can Break Your Heart (Kenlou B-Boy Mix)
Only Love Can Break Your Heart (Masters At Work Dub)
Only Love Can Break Your Heart (A Mix In Two Halves)
Only Love Can Break Your Heart (Bonus Beats)
There's a lot of talk as to why St. Etienne never broke through in America. Some blame their hard-to-define sound, others the state of dance music in the states. I honestly think it's because their name is impossible to spell/pronounce. At least it is to me. These remixes of their debut single/Neil Young cover are all from a 12'' single. They're also all fairly awesome.

Let's Get Subconscious

2010-03-09T23:20:00.001-05:00

FYI: Listening to a song that has the repeated line "Let's get unconscious" when you're struggling to stay awake to get work done is not advisable.

Sade
~~Smooth Operator (12'' Version)~~
This crazy-long version of "Smooth Operator" is smooth as shit. You'll be listening to it and think "damn, this shit is smooth" and "I wish I could operate in a fashion as smooth as this operator operates" or something. Some might say that this version of "Smooth Operator" is too smooth. That it's sexy smoothness and subtle sexiness might slip you into a state of permanent smooth jazz euphoria that you could never escape from. Those people might be right! So you've been warned. I got this off of a 12'' promo single and I don't believe that this particular version has ever been released commercially. If I am wrong please correct me in a polite manner.

Dead Or Alive
Something In My House (Mortevicar Mix)
Something In My House (Flamenco Mix)
Something In My House (US Wipe Out Mix-Part 2)
I bought this single per request. That's right. I didn't even own this until someone asked me to buy it and record it for them. How does one get such preferential treatment? Well, being my boss sure as hell helps let me tell you. So if you really want a rare 80s remix posted here, hire me to write CD reviews. Total win-win for everyone involved. I work very cheap. This 12'' single was requested specifically for the Mortevicar Mix, which features random creepy samples from The Exorcist. Shockingly, the Flamenco Mix is accurately-named, what with it's excessive flamenco guitars. I don't know what makes the final mix so "US" though, maybe us Americans like excessive vocal stuttering and guitar solos?

Madonna
Bedtime Story (Junior's Sound Factory Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior's Sound Factory Dub)
Bedtime Story (Orbital Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior's Wet Dream Mix)
Hey, this is the Madonna song that Bjork (kinda) wrote. Which is definitely the explanation for why it was the strangest Madonna single until "American Life." However, unlike "American Life", this song doesn't suck joy out of life. I know a woman who can recite, by memory, the entire rap of "American Life". She's pretty awesome in spite of this though and I try not to hold it against her. It's difficult though. It's hard to talk to someone who doesn't have taste in high art like the soundtrack to Howard the Duck after all.

Anyways, stuff about this song: Like I said before, it was written by Bjork, but was supposedly re-written so many of her lyrics were removed or changed. I don't know how much of that I believe, but I read it on the internet so it must be true! These remixes are pretty stellar. My favorite is the one by Orbital, but Junior's mixes are quality as well. This single had a dub of the unfortunately titled "Wet Dream Mix" but it was scratched beyond repair. Sorry.

Sex & Blogs & Rhythm Sticks

2010-03-02T22:05:00.003-05:00

Pay attention. This is important.

I just got served. No, not in the "oh snap!" way but in the DMCA way. In case you're wondering it was the Married To The Mob soundtrack that got me busted. Just like last time I don't know WHO sent the DMCA because Google is run by a bunch of shitbags who won't let me read the DMCA that names me. For those of you keeping track at home this is the second DMCA notice I've been served with. I'm suspecting that if I get hit with another that this blog will be shut down by Google.

But don't threat! Even if this specific blog goes AWOL Lost Turntable will not. I may have mentioned this before but I own lostturntable.com. So bookmark that. If this blog ever vanishes into the copyright void, you'll know where to find me. Actually I'll probably be making the leap to that site eventually regardless, the only thing that's stopping me is my complete lack of HTML skills and my complete hatred for every single template I've ever seen. I do have a friend working on my new template (the lovely Anna Hegedus) but she's busy and I'm busy, so it's going slowly.

So I'm asking for help once more. If anyone out there thinks they can convert this template (with some minor tweaks that I have in mind) to Wordpress, which is the blogging software I'll be using on my new site, please email me. My email address is located on this page. If you can't find it then you probably shouldn't be working on my website. I can't pay anyone who helps me, but I will repay you with music and Pittsburgh-based positive vibes.

Furthermore, long time readers of my blog may know that I tend to fulfill remix requests in the month of March since it marks my blog's "birthday" (Four years this year! Holy shit!) but since I am seemingly under watch at the moment I don't think that would be wise. However if you email me I might hook you up in one way or another. Just don't go nuts. A while ago someone not only sent me a request, but it was epic in length and they had the gall to ask if I could re-record the tracks so they would sound better! Wanker.

Tonight's post is a repost of old material however, since I've been getting swamped with comments and emails for most of these tracks.

Oh, and thanks everyone for the kind words. I needed that.

Ian Dury And The Blockheads
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick '91 (The Flying Remix)
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick (Live)
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick (Disco Version)
Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick (Paul Hardcastle Remix)
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll (Paul Hardcastle Remix)
Reasons To Be Cheerful (Paul Hardcastle Remix)
Wake Up (And Make Love To Me) (Paul Hardcastle Remix)
Really Glad You Came (Love Version)
Inspiration (Love Version)
Ian Dury is my hero. The man overcomes polio (and being in his mid-30s) to become one of the most WTF-worthy pop stars in history. If that story doesn't scream "never give up" I don't know what does. And I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick" is the greatest song ever written. This is every rare(ish) version of that classic I have, plus some other stuff. Do you want more Ian Dury? Well then click here. Also here. The later link leads to an all Stiff Records post I did a few years ago. The version of "Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll" (retitled with an added "& Chaos" at the end) included there is balls out crazy, ending in a frantic climax that will totally make you want to fuck, do a line of coke and start a band all at the same time.

One more Ian Dury-related note, this for my UK peeps mostly. Anyone know when that movie about him is coming out on DVD, in any region? I have an all-region player so no matter where it comes out first that's the one I'm buying.

Beats and Bitching

2010-03-02T00:01:00.003-05:00

It's amazing how just one dickface can bring down your entire day sometimes. I wake up in the morning and these are the first two comments I see awaiting approval:

"The "hilariously-titled and hard-to-find single edit form" of "Jesus Built My Hotrod" is NOT hard to find"

"Your misguided attempts at patting yourself on the back never fail to amaze and amuse me. "Spasticus Autisticus (version)" is neither "freakishly rare" nor was it "only ever released as the b-side to the single". It was released on the first "Disco Not Disco" compilation, making it somewhat less rare than you'd like to believe."

Sometimes little shit can set me off. This is one of those times.

Okay genius. Enlighten me. Where can one easily find the single edit of "Jesus Built My Hotrod?" Because it's NOT on Psalm 69, it's NOT on Box and it's NOT on Rantology. What magical land of fairy dust and easily available singles are you finding it at?

As for the remix of "Spasticus," you are correct, that is on the Disco Not Disco compilation, which is out of print in the states and in the UK and costs a fortune to buy now. So okay, at one point it was semi-easy to find. But not now. It's one-time appearance on a now out-of-print compilation that nobody bought doesn't exactly make it any easier to grab now does it?

Why does this shit piss me off? I don't know. I don't like the hate. Why bother with it? I mean, I get nice comments and those are cool and I appreciate them, but dickheads like this, they just get off on shitting in my cornflake and it's a real downer. Especially since the little weasel wouldn't even bother with giving a name. "Anonymous" is the signature of whiny cowards who spent too much time in front of the computer, alternating between message board trolling and marathon porn sessions.

If you really don't like the shit I say or put up then hey, I got an idea, start your own damn MP3 blog where you can always be right and only put up super-ultra-omega rare bullshit. Or maybe you can KINDLY point out when you think I might have made a mistake, then get the benefit of being right but aren't a jackass. It's a win win. Of course, you have to be right first. Which in this case you are not.

Or just leave me the hell alone. Goober.

And I will never stop patting myself on the back. For I am truly spectacular.

Sven Väth
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (Underworld Remix)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (Single Version)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (F.E.O.S. And The Beast Mix 1)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (Total Eclipse Mix)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (Underworld Alternative)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (C.J. Bolland Mix 2)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (Club Mix)
Harlequin - The Beauty And The Beast (F.E.O.S And The Beast Mix 2)
Yowza that's a lot of title. I bought this 2x12'' single for the Underworld and CJ Bolland mixes but I do have to say I was a little underwhelmed by the whole thing. I've been told that Väth has put out some killer trance in the past so I'll have to give him another chance. But I'm just not feeling this that much. I'm sure someone will though so this portion of the post is for them.

Two Revolutions
~~Odyssey~~ ~~- NextGen~~
Total Science - Fractionz
Indica -Bypass
Alaska & Paradox - Two Thousand
Pariah - Sub Zero
Blame - Sphere (Seba Remix)
Now this is more my speed. These are all from a drum and bass compilation called Two Revolutions. I'm fairly certain that's out of print but if I'm wrong oh exalted anonymous ones please forgive me. I'm an amateur level basshead, so I don't want to go on too long about drum and bass lest I make an ass of myself but I'll say a few things about this record.

Two Revolutions was released by a the excellent dnb label 720 Degrees a few years back on both vinyl and CD. Now the vinyl version I have is only a sampler of sorts and includes just these six tracks. The CD version has a whopping 22, however I'm fairly certain that's a mix. These versions are complete and unmixed, so it's a give and take. Less songs, but more of them.

A bit more on 720 Degrees. They're a bitchin' label that specializes in "future bound musicality" which I think is code for techstep and neurofunk drum and bass. I'm not going to try and explain those two sub-genres (describing drum and bass is a lot of work and it's late), but the shorthand is that they're more "sci-fi" sounding. Techstep also tends to be less abrasive and raw than traditional drum and bass, so it's a bit easier to digest.

If you like this stuff check out this post which has some more stuff by 720 Degrees founder Blame. I also recommend Wormhole by Ed Rush & Optical. That record is fucking brilliant. I put that one up a while ago but now it's available for download at Amazon so I took it down. Buy it! It's only seven bucks. It's a bit darker and harder than this stuff but still excellent and a great introduction to a unique style of drum and bass. Torque, also by Ed Rush & Optical, is brilliant as well.

Industrial Brit Bang

2010-02-24T01:00:00.001-05:00

I want to eat donuts.

Ministry
Jesus Built My Hotrod (Short, Pusillanimous, So-They-Can-Fit-More-Commercials-On-The-Radio Edit)
TV Song
So maybe someone can help me here. There's "Jesus Built My Hotrod" (provided here in the hilariously-titled and hard-to-find single edit form) and then there's "Some Dispute Over T-Shirt Sales" (clip here). So, what's the deal then? Gibby from the Surfers wrote the lyrics to both I know, but it seems odd that he would just rip himself off so blatantly. Anyone care to fill me in? As for "TV Song", that's the original b-side to "Jesus Built My Hotrod" and is the original version of what became "TVII" for Psalm 69.

Blur
Bang (MW Big Bang 12" Mix)
Bang (MW Groove Mix)
Bang (MW 40 Feet Under Mix)
Bang (MW Hardcore Assault Mix)
She's So High (MW Ecstasy 12" Mix)
The folder for this on my computer is called "Blur Bang", which is only slightly less vulgar-sounding than the file names for these songs (my favorite is "Banghard"). I'm mature I know. What do you want, I've been listening to Butthole Surfers songs all damn day. These are from a 12'' promo single.

Behold My Awesome

2010-02-22T01:19:00.004-05:00

I am in a good mood. I don't know what to make of it. I'm sure it will pass soon enough. April is fast approaching after all. However I will celebrate my new found lack of surliness by posting a variation on my third favorite song of all time, and two decent remixes of a decent tune by a decent band.

Ian Dury & The Seven Sea Players
~~Spasticus~~ ~~Autisticus (Version)~~
In case you didn't know, Spasticus (Autisticus) is one of the greatest songs of all time. It's definitely the greatest song ever written by a man with polio angry at the patronizing views of the disabled. The song originally appeared on Dury's 1981 album Lord Upminster, which you can download right here (it's still out of print in America so I have no qualms in sharing this vinyl rip). This version is not as good as the original, it's very dub-like and cuts down on the lyrics, which is what made the song so damn good in the first place. However, this version is freakishly rare, and was only ever released as the b-side to the single, which is where I got it. How this UK-only 12'' single ended up in Pittsburgh is beyond me. But I'm happy as hell it did.

For more information on the awesomeness of Ian Dury and Spasticus, watch this video. Also, did you know they made a movie about Ian Dury? They did! It stars Gollum! Seriously! Any of my UK readers get to watch it yet? I'm stoked about it. Ian Dury is my hero.

Cibo Matto
~~Moonchild~~ (D's Funky Space Reincarnation)
Moonchild (Jazzy Dub #1)
I'm sure there are many interesting things to say about Cibo Matto. I, however, know nothing about them. Instead I will direct you to this video, which was how I was first exposed to them some 16 years ago (Holy shit that was 16 years ago!?!?! I'm old!). Are there remixes of "Know Your Chicken?" I must have them now!!

Acoustic Jane Fonda

2010-02-19T18:23:00.005-05:00

Emergency Duran Duran post! Enjoy your weekend!

Duran Duran
Electric Barbarella (The Electric Sex Remix)
Electric Barbarella (The Electric Sex Instrumental Remix)
Electric Barbarella (The Americancruiser Remix)
Electric Barbarella (The Yo Shorty Americancruiser Remix)
A colleague of mine loves Duran Duran but isn't a fan of this song. Well, his opinion is wrong. This song kicks ass. I've never heard any other tracks off of Medazzaland, the album from which Electric Barbarella is from, so I am unable to defend that album's tarnished image like I have to defend Thank You, a mediocre album that has been unfairly bashed as one of the worst ever. That's bullshit. Duran Duran's cover of "White Lines" alone makes that record a two-star album. I'd hate critics so much if I wasn't one. Anyways, I don't have much to say about this one, I just really wanted to share it the second I got it. I can't be the only person that likes this song though, right?

Snow and Tape Delayed

2010-02-19T00:10:00.002-05:00

Hey look, it's music from a weird soundtrack! Awesome, right?

Married To The Mob Motion Picture Soundtrack
Married To The Mob was a 1988 film directed by Johnathan Demme, who is probably best known for his 1991 film The Silence of The Lambs. Dude has good musical pedigree though, he directed the Talking Heads' Stop Making Sense in 1984 and the video New Order's "The Perfect Kiss". He also directed Caged Heat, the seminal women in prison film! That's right, the dude who gave us Philadelphia and Beloved also gave us Caged Heat. God bless you Roger Corman.

This is not the complete soundtrack. I am excluding "Jump In The River" by Sinead O'Connor and "Too Far Gone" by The Feelies as both those tracks are easily available on albums released by both artists. A version of "Bizarre Love Triangle" is also on the soundtrack, but I'm 90 percent sure it's the 7'' version, which if you really want you can get on iTunes (although I don't see the point, the 12'' version is so much better).

~~Chris Isaak~~ ~~- Suspicion of Love~~
As far as Chris Isaak songs go this is a pretty good track. I am not a very big fan of the dude.

~~Debbie Harry~~ ~~- Liar, Liar~~
The Castaways, a 60s garage rock band, did this song originally, but Debbie Harry's version kicks ass. It's very punk, and sounds like she's channeling the The Ramones with it's blitzing energy. It blows the original out of the water, although this...spirited performance...by them is pretty impressive.

~~Ziggy Marley and The Wailers~~ ~~- Time Bums~~
I'm not a fan of reggae so I will say nothing about this one. Not bad but not my thing.

~~Tom Tom Club~~ ~~- Devil Does Your Dog Bite?~~
Ah, Tom Tom Club, are you capable of creating a song that I just like? Either you craft pop masterpieces like Wordy Rappinghood or Genius of Love or songs that grate on my very last nerve like "Man With The Four Way Hips" or this.

~~Q Lazzarus~~ ~~- Goodbye Horses~~
Ah yes, Goodbye Horses, one of the most memorable, and rarest tracks of the 80s. I've posted this track before, but never this version, which is the shortest available I believe. So if you want your "tuck" mental pictures in and out as quick as possible this is the take for you.

~~The Voodooist Corporation~~ ~~- Queen of Voudou~~
Okay, a few questions on this one. Firstly, what language are these guys singing in? Secondly, who are these guys? I can find NOTHING on this group and as far as I can tell this was their only release ever. It's not a bad song, really rhythm heavy. I have no idea why they decided to spell voodoo "voudou" so any tips on that would help as well. So many questions...

~~Brian Eno~~ ~~- You Don't Miss Your Water~~
And the album closes with another cover, this one was originally a Stax track by William Bell. I'm not familiar with the original version aside from just looking it up on YouTube 10 minutes ago, but I enjoy this version as well, synthpop meets classic soul. Synth-soul. Hey, someone should jump on that shit.

SnoMos

2010-02-12T00:46:00.002-05:00

Snow, I'm sick of it. Seriously it's all like "hey look at me, I'm snow." Fucker.

Selections from Dogs In Space
No relation to Pigs In Space. Yeah I know, I was bummed too.

Dogs In Space is a 1986 Australian film that I know very little about, what little I know I gleamed from this review. So just read that so I can save myself the time of summarizing the film. It was directed by a dude named Richard Lowenstein, and he was apparently a close friend of Michael Hutchence, as he directed a few INXS videos and cast Hutchence in this film as the lead. This movie is one of three that Michael starred in, the other two being Roger Corman's 1990 version of Frankenstein and a 1999 flick with the charming title Limp. He's probably the only cast member who is at all recognizable to American audiences, nearly everyone else in the movie either went on to nothing or Aussie TV.

After reading a bit about the flick I really want to see it, as it's directly related to two of my biggest interests, new wave music and Australian cinema (watch Not Quite Hollywood by the way, amazing documentary about Ozploitation). It's not available in the states at the moment, but region-free DVD players are a wonderful thing, so hopefully I'll get a copy soon.

Dogs In Space has a weird-ass soundtrack, comprised mostly of Australian artists. Tracks by Iggy Pop, Brian Eno and Gang Of Four are also included for some reason, but none of those songs are rare, so I'm not including them here. But for the rest...

Ollie Olson - Win/Lose
Good song, not great, but a solid new wave effort. Continuing the six degrees to Hutchence theme, Olson formed a band with the INXS frontman in 1989 called Max Q, but they only had one release and never really caught on outside of Australia.

The Marching Girls - True Love
Someone likes Phil Spector. Apparently these guys were originally called The Scavengers, and were New Zealand's answer/rip-off to The Sex Pistols. They broke up and one of them went on to form Dead Can Dance. Wow. That's...random.

Boys Next Door - Shivers
This song is pretty fucking awesome - which makes sense since Boys Next Door is an early incarnation of The Birthday Party, which was Nick Cave's first band. This album is on the sole album they released under the Boys Next Door name, but it's not in print in the states at the moment, so I'm going to let it slide. Besides, "My baby's so vain that she's almost a mirror" is the best fucking lyric ever.

Primitive Calculators - Pumping Ugly Muscle
Horrible song title, worse band name, shit song. Random yelling and grunting for five fucking minutes. Enjoy. Someone gave them a hell of a wiki though, so maybe their other stuff is better. This track is just freaking annoying.

Thrush & The Cunts - Diseases
Classy band name. Alright song.

Marie Hoy & Friends - Shivers
This is a cover of the Boys Next Door song that is also on the album. I guess it must play a big part in the movie. Still, it's a great song and this version is just as good as the original.

Michael Hutchence
Dogs In Space
Golf Course
The Green Dragon
Rooms For The Memory
Now for the main course. Hutchence contributes four tracks to the soundtrack, none of which sound anything like each other, or INXS for that matter. "Dogs In Space" is fast-paced punk rocker that kicks ass, "Golf Course" is a dancey new wave track (which also kicks ass) and "Rooms For The Memory" is a ballad that features Hutchence trying his damnedest to sound like David Bowie and almost succeeding (and kicking ass).

"The Green Dragon" isn't a song at all, but a bit of dialogue from the film. However, all of these (even the dialogue part) are really freaking good, as if you needed more evidence that the dude was a one-of-a-kind talent that left us far too fucking soon. Sidenote: buy Elegantly Wasted, INXS' last album with Hutchence. It's stellar and the title track is absolutely bitchin'.

OMGSNOWTF

2010-02-06T23:17:00.003-05:00

Snow everywhere!

I'm drunk!

What? It beats shoveling. Don't judge me. Besides, I'm not having a good day. Two of my fishies died. I am drinking vodka in their memory. It's like tapping a 50 but worse for you.

Brian May
Star Fleet
Let Me Out
Blues Breaker
Yes, this is what I do when I am inebriated and mildly depressed, I record, and share, sub-par out-of-print albums by acclaimed guitarists of 70s rock bands. You probably go bars and get laid don't you? Pfft. Puny humans. I am above such petty things as late-night bar hookups. This album is actually credited to "Brian May and friends." Who are the friends you ask? Well, the drummer is the drummer is Alan Gratzer of REO Speedwagon, the bassist is Steve Chen, who did session work and the second guitarist is a Eddie Van Halen. Yeah, that's right. Eddie Van Halen did an album with Brian May. An album that has a title track about a Japanese TV show.

This record is pretty stupid and not altogether very good. Although if you like blues jamming (Hi mom!) then you'll probably like the second two tracks, and if you like 80s retardation then you'll probably like the first one. You know what? Now that I've had half a bottle of vodka I have to revise my original opinion. This album is sexcellent. That's right, I said sexcellent. It was a typo at first, but I'm sticking with that spelling.

I have nothing else to say about this album. Actually, I probably do, but typing is getting increasingly more difficult by the minute. Vodka is my friend but he doesn't want me to type anymore. My fingers are all goofy feeling.

Enjoy.

I Got The Power! But I can't find the right adapter.

2010-02-04T00:07:00.006-05:00

Okay, this week I actually am busy because of work. Tons of stuff to review, very little time. I also had to interview a musician who was...less than an ideal interview, which created some backlog in my other work.

Good news though! Well, maybe. I might by interviewing Don Letts for ESDmusic. Now, for those of you not in the know, Don Letts was a member of Big Audio Dynamite in the early days, and played on tracks like E=MC2 and "The Bottom Line." He was also associated with The Clash throughout their career, and directed nearly all of their music videos, the documentary Westway to the World and the early punk rock concert film The Punk Rock Movie. So if anyone has any questions they think I should as Don Letts please tell me in the comments section.

Another brief post this week, I promise to make up for it next time.

Run D.M.C.
It's Tricky 2003 (Master Mix feat. Jacknife Lee)
It's Tricky 2003 (JKL Club Mix feat. Jacknife Lee)
Peter Piper 2003 (Riton Remix feat. Riton)
In addition to my interview I got another assignment for y'all. These are from a bootleg white label. ~~I have no idea who did these remixes or what they are called. If anyone can inform me of their name/origin (with some sort of proof to back it up) I would be grateful and hook a brother up.~~ Mystery solved! Thanks for the help everyone!

Snap vs. Motivo
The Power (Of Bhangra) (Extended Bhangra Mix)
The Power (Of Bhangra) (Club Mix)
Yup, it's an Indian dance remix of The Power. It's eight times as stupid as it sounds.

Did I mention that Jay Leno is a piece of shit? Oh, and Human League is really good.

2010-01-28T23:04:00.006-05:00

Egad! I haven't posted anything all week. Sorry about that. Combination of being out of town until Monday, getting a shitload of work done and Mass Effect 2 coming out. Hell, who am I kidding? You can blame the lack of updates this week almost solely on Mass Effect 2 coming out. Yeah, blame BioWare, not me.

You can also blame Jay Leno. Seriously, I usually write these posts while watching Conan. But since Conan isn't on anymore then I can't do that can I? As if you needed another reason to hate that big-chinned piece of shit. My dad actually YELLED at me for calling Jay Leno a piece of shit over the weekend. (Context: I'm 30 years old). Yeah, that was an odd thing to nearly come to blows with your father over. Thankfully my dad doesn't give a shit about anything I write, so I doubt he'll stumble upon this post, who knows what he would do if he found out that I was calling Jay Leno a piece of shit over the internet...where other people might read it!

I'm just kidding, my dad doesn't think anyone reads what I write.

Yeah, I'm not bitter.

Anyways, short post tonight, but it's good stuff if you like 80s synthpop bands who used to be one band but split into two separate bands...yeah, that made sense somehow.

The Human league
Tell Me When (Utah Saints Mix 2)
Tell Me When (Strictly Blind Dub)
Tell Me When (Overworld Mix)
This is 90s Human League, and it's more straight-up electronic than synthp-pop or new wave. They haven't released anything new since 2001's Secrets have they? That's a bloody shame. I hate it when my favorite bands turn into nostalgia acts. Hey Phillip Oakley! Get off your amazingly talented ass and record some new tunes! I'll buy them. Sure, I don't know if anyone else will, but fuck those people, I'm more important.

By the way, there are many more remixes of this song. If anyone wants to share them in the comment section I will be their best friend.

Heaven 17
Crushed By The Wheels Of Industry (Industrial Mix)
Crushed By The Wheels Of Industry (Dub Version)
I posted two remixes of this song before, now here are two additional ones. No matter how many times I listen to this track I am always surprised how much it doesn't sound like I think it should. A song called "Crushed By The Wheels of Industry" should not be as "up" as this song is. Somehow the "industrial" mix is even more upbeat. It's a fucking travesty. Good song though - even if its tone and subject matter make it bipolar.

If we all wish hard enough maybe Leno will stay off the air.

2010-01-21T00:14:00.002-05:00

I can dream can't I?

RJD2
~~Through The Walls (Ric Ocasek Vocal Version)~~
I recently bought the 2002-2010 box set by RJD2. It's a great deal. For 56 bucks you get RJ's first two albums, The Horror EP (probably one of the best EPs/remix comps ever made) and a bonus EP of previously unreleased material. It's all on vinyl but comes with a download code. Of course, a notable omission is RJ's critically-maligned The Third Hand, but that was left out most likely due to label issues, as that's the only album he doesn't own the rights to. Another bummer is that there are no bonus b-sides or remixes, aside from the stuff on the previously mentioned bonus EP.

But most annoying is the download code and "bonuses" that come with it. The download is janky and messed up, each album you download is saved as the same name, so unless you rename them you might accidentally save over your downloads. It's a stupid glitch that should have never happened.

Also included on the download page is a zip full of "rare photos" taken by RJD2. These are pictures of promotional materials and would probably appeal to the die-hard RJD2 fan, but some are out of freaking focus and most are obviously put together in a rushed and haphazard way (i.e. framed poorly and whatnot).

Now, I don't want this to be one big RJD2 bashing session. It should be clear that I'm a big fan of the dude. I even interviewed him a few months ago for a magazine and I can tell you that he's super nice, patient and a joy to talk to. However, when it comes to putting together a digital package for his next box set, I hope he takes a bit more time in putting it together.

The above song is not on the 2002-2010 box set. I found it on a sampler ages ago. A sampler that was stolen by a stoner roommate I had. I recently found it again online thanks to a friend. The album version of "Through The Walls" is good, but this remix, which features Ric Ocasek, is a freaking masterpiece - the best Cars song The Cars never wrote.

Lord Finesse
~~Shorties Kaught In The System (Remix)~~
I know almost nothing about this dude. But if his voice sounds familiar that's because you've heard it before, give it a second. Can you figure it out? Right about now you should download the song. Right about now it should be hitting you. Check it out now. (Is that hint obvious enough?) This remix is from a weird 12'' single that had a ton of not-rare Pharycde tracks on it.

The Pharcyde
Soul Flower (Gutter RMX)
Soul Flower (Tatelarock RMX)
Hey, speaking of Pharcyde...it's almost like I planned that nice little segue. These are also from a 12''.

Blogging Till I Puke

2010-01-19T00:42:00.001-05:00

Hey look, I got some music.

Andrew W.K.
Party Till You Puke (Remix)
Party Till You Puke (Shout Out Mix)
Dance Party (Anti Never Ending Music Mix)
I Want To Kill (Build It Up Mix)
Old Man
The first person to figure out and explain to me all this insanity involving Andrew W.K.(s) get a thousand cookies and the New Order MP3 of their choice. Is he a different person now? Is it all a hoax? Is he a clone? My money is on Andy Kaufman-style prank - or maybe he's part of an ultra-positive, party-happy alien force that is inexplicably big in Japan. These are from a 12'' and the mediocre quality is from the source material and not my fault (for once). These mixes make me want to mosh till dawn and on.

Soundgarden
Touch Me
Show Me
Hey everyone! Soundgarden got back together! Wait, where are you going? Hey, it's not going to sound like Scream, we promise! Actually, I make no guarantees. God, I hope not though. Grunge was already dead enough, it didn't need Timbaland's help. These two tracks are from the 12'' to "Rusty Cage."

This week just keeps on sucking.

2010-01-14T18:04:00.005-05:00

~~1,000 Homo DJs~~ ~~- Supernaut (Trent Reznor Version)~~*
R.I.P. Dannie

*I wanted to do a full Wax Trax post in memorial, but this is the only rare Wax Trax track I haven't posted until now.

IT Stands for Idiot Time

2010-01-14T11:32:00.004-05:00

This is a rare mid-day blog posting. You can thank my job's horrible IT department for giving me the downtime in the middle of the day was required for me to put this together.

New Order
60 Miles An Hour [Supermen Lovers Remix]
Someone Like You [James Holden Heavy Dub]
Someone Like You [Futureshock Vocal Remix]
I found a New Order single I didn't already own! Yeah, I'm shocked too. This is later New Order, so I guess it's not as good as the 80s stuff but hey, lesser New Order from the early 2000s is better than most dance-rock music of the time period. Remember kids, we didn't always have LCD Soundsystem and The Yeah Yeah Yeahs! In my day we had to walk seven miles in the snow, uphill both ways, just to hear a snippet of something that might one day be considered "dance punk!" And we liked it!

Baby Ford
Fetish (Mainmix)
Fetish (Eons Alternative Mix)
Fetish (Subway Mix)
Fetish (8AX Mix)
Fetish (Minimal Mix)
I'm not exactly sure what makes this track exactly "fetish" worthy. The lyrics are vaguely sexual, but lack any hardcore BSDM or other kinky themes. Not bad though. If you want a really dirty track called Fetish I suggest you listen to Joan Jett's - that song is so horny it might hump you.

Aphrodite
~~Heat Haze~~
This is the B-side to a track called "Ganja Man." That song is incredibly annoying, thankfully this one is not. A version of this track also appears on the Aphrodite album Aftershock, but that version is about two minutes shorter than this one, so enjoy the extended dnb. If anyone out there is late to the game and is looking for some quality dnb by Aphrodite I cannot recommend his 1999 mix Urban Jungle strongly enough, it's probably my second favorite mix of all-time, right behind Fatboy Slim's On The Floor At The Boutique - which has the best mix of "Apache" in the history of awesome.

Euphoria
I Like Noise (The Vagabond Mix)
Genocide (The Original Mix)
Genocide (The Deliberate Mix)
Euphoria has to be the most obvious name ever for a for an early-90s rave act. "Guys, my music will make you euphoric! Like ecstasy does! Aren't a fucking genius!" Sigh. Seems appropriate then that these tracks are very standard 90s acid house, complete with a myriad of samples you've no doubt heard before. Despite my relentless bashing I still like them, sometimes you want big dumb techno.

House Music for Late Night Justice!

2010-01-13T00:53:00.002-05:00

You're going to hear me whine about Leno for a while now, so just get used to it.

Conan announced that he'll quit The Tonight Show if he's forced to 12:05, and I can't blame him. NBC is treating him like shit, and for some reason treating Leno, an unfunny baboon with the most poorly rated network TV show since Capitol Critters, as some big-chinned god. Why? Leno left The Tonight Show, tried something different, and it failed. Failed epically! Have you ever watched The Jay Leno Show? No, of course you haven't NO ONE HAS. And here's a shocker, when a network's 10:00 show is a piece of shit no one watches, less people watch their late night program? Who knew? Oh wait, everyone with a fucking brain knew!

Conan's audience skews young, and it also skews tech-savvy, so it should be no surprise that the internet is all about Team Conan on this one. You, as a connoisseur of good taste (you must be, you're reading my blog) have to do you part! Check out this article by The Consumerist. They have listed the email addresses of every executive at NBC. Email ALL OF THEM, do it repeatedly, then create multiple e-mail addresses and do it again, and again, and again. Tell them that you refuse to watch a late night show hosted by Jay "My Chin is a weapon of mass destruction" Leno and that if they don't keep Conan at 11:35 then you'll never watch another show on NBC ever.

And if you've seen their shitty primetime line-up then you know that won't be a hard promise to keep.

On a related note, if Jay Leno does get The Tonight Show back this should be his fucking theme song. Bitch. (Sorry for the stupid video that goes with the song).

Oh, and if you are for some reason an idiot and think Jay Leno is right to do what he's doing don't bother commenting to share your viewpoint, because I won't approve it. The Lost Turntable is a dictatorship, run by me, so don't bother complaining about it.

The KLF
~~The Dogg Bite Mix~~
This is a weird mix, it's mostly "What Time Is Love" but some other KLF jams make their way in as well. It's from one of those subscription-based DJ records services. It's actually pretty damn good too.

A Guy Called Gerald
Automanikk (Just 4U Gordon Mix)
Automanikk (4Q 808 Mix)
Automanikk (Derrick May The Force Be With You Mix)
Automanikk (Bass Overload Mix)
Voodoo Ray Americans
That is a really stupid alternative spelling. The song is good though. I like the band Gerald is in more though...

808 State
Open Your Mind (Open Mix)
Lift (Lift Up Dub)
Lift (Metro Mix)
Lift (Justin Strauss Mix)
Open Your Mind (Sound Garden Mix)
Lift (12'' Mix)
Lift (7'' Mix)
Well speak of the devil! I don't even remember buying this 12''. I was cleaning out my music folders and came across a huge WAV file that had the entire 12'' on it. I'm so disorganized that it extends to my virtual belongings! It's sad really. The last time I cleaned my room (which was...many eons ago) I found 20 socks, two magazines that had articles I wrote, a picture of me from 3rd grade and a copy Purple Rain...on vinyl! God only know what I'll find if I ever clean out my basement.

Fuck Leno (And the Cards too)

2010-01-10T23:11:00.001-05:00

I'm writing this at 11:11 on 01/10/10. That's...a lot of ones.

I am disgruntled. All the playoff games sucked this weekend save for the Pack/Cards game. But the team I wanted to win that one didn't so it was all for naught anyways. Not like it matters though, I think we all know that either the Vikings or New Orleans is going to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl. Then there's the bullshit involving Leno. I hate that big-chinned prick. Always have. I only ever watched his show because he tended to have better guests than Letterman and it was the only way I wouldn't forget to watch Conan. I can't believe he's getting his old time slot back! How the fuck does that work? His show sucks and no one watches it! So his reward is to go back to his old timeslot? Kevin Smith once said that in Hollywood you fail upwards, I guess he was right.

NBC is run by retarded crack-addicted howler monkeys. And Jay Leno is a walking taint with a chin. Sigh.

Oh yeah, music! Um, here's some stuff!

Madonna
Rescue Me (Titanic Vocal)
Rescue Me (Lifeboat Vocal)
Rescue Me (Houseboat Vocal)
This is one of the "lesser" Madonna singles, it cracked the Top 10 on Billboard, but just barely. The fact that it was the follow-up to the kinktastic "Justify My Love" didn't help that much, and neither did the fact that the song just isn't that great (in my opinion anyways). These remixes take the song and transform it into a house track in a big way, and one can imagine that this 12'' was a big hit on the NYC club circuit at the time - which has always been Madonna's target audience anyway.

Lene Lovich
~~New Toy (Extended Mix)~~
Lene Lovich was born in Detroit but her family moved to England when she was still a kid. That is both the definition of "moving up" and "dodging a bullet" if there ever was one. In the late 70s she was on Stiff Records, adding further credence to my belief that Stiff Records in the late 70s probably had the the best line-up of any label in the history of all things. This extended mix of one of her best tunes (written by Thomas Dolby!) is from a 12'' single.

Doug E. Fresh & The Get Fresh Crew
Spirit (Extended Version)
Spirit (Instrumental)
Spirit (Spirit Dub)
So another MP3 blog might have a song from the Ghostbusters II soundtrack, but would they have the instrumental version and the dub version as well? I didn't think so, for that kind of useless bullshit you have to come to The Lost Turntable.

What The Hell Does Pineapple Face Mean?

2010-01-06T00:30:00.002-05:00

Did everyone have a wonderfully fantastic and incredible New Year? I didn't end up in the hospital or with a serious injury. So I'm calling it a success for me. Allow me to ring in the fourth year of The Lost Turntable (holy shit!) with what I do best, a random collection of songs of varying quality.

Suzanne Vega
~~Tom's Diner (12'' Version)~~
Did you know that Tom's Diner was the song in which the creator of the MP3 used to make sure the compression of the audio wasn't overly affecting sound quality? It's true! Did you know that it's the song I used recently to see how much FM interference I had coming from my turntable? That's true too! The answer is a lot. That's why some tracks of mine has noticeable hums and such. I'm getting some equipment to help counter this measure however. This 12'' remix is not on any Suzanne Vega album and is about a minute and a half longer than the original version. I haven't checked but I'm betting much of the added length comes from extra "da da da da."

Revenge
Pineapple Face's Big Day (Remix)
Pineapple Face Calls It A Day
Revenge is one of Peter Hook's (of New Order) side projects, and apparently they suck? That seemed to be the overall critical and popular consensus at the time. This was in 1990, I was barely aware of New Order at the time, let alone their side projects so I had no opinion. My knowledge of the group is this song, which I think is pretty good. The synth-line is catchy as hell, and I love Peter Hook's voice. If he sung the phone book I'd probably check it out. Anyways, these are from a 12'' single. Give them a listen and see if this group sucks as much as everyone in the world seemed to think at the time.

Missy
~~Gossip Folk (Fatboy Slim Remix)~~
Okay, sometimes I'm kind of stupid. Example: I bought this single today and was quite excited. I like Missy Elliott, I like Fatboy Slim - seemed like a good combo. I buy the record and get in my car, putting my recently bought pizza on top of the record. Not surprisingly, the hot pizza didn't treat Missy with the respect she deserved and the record got wicked warped. Shockingly though, the damn thing still plays! The needle looks like it's on a roller coaster however. This remix is a radio edit, so sorry about that.

Tears For Fears
~~Everybody Wants To Rule The World (Extended Version)~~
Speak for yourself guys, I don't want to rule my own head sometimes.

Tripping on Ambient House...and ice.

2009-12-29T23:00:00.002-05:00

Did all of you have a wonderful Christmastime? Did you contract a case of the flu that required an ambulance ride to an Akron area hospital? Well then you had a better Christmas break than I did you bastards.

And today I fell on the ice and hurt my back. 2009 can't fucking end soon enough. My New Year's celebrations will consist of me, my comfy new couch and my Kraftwerk box set. Screw parties. Trans Europe Express makes the pain go away.

The Orb
Blue Room
Blue Room - Radio 7
Blue Room - Excerpt 605
Towers of Dub (Mad Professor Remix)
The single mix of "Blue Room" is a beautiful thing. It almost makes me wish I had some painkillers on hand (actually, that has more to do with the previously mentioned fall on the ice). It's also epic; clocking in at 39 minutes and 58 seconds long. I've actually listened to this sucker all the way through multiple times today, and that alone proves that I spend too much time in front of the computer listening to music.

"Towers of Dub" may not be the best song of all time but fuck me sideways if it doesn't have one of the grooviest basslines ever laid to wax. This mix has its ups and downs, but it end is pretty damned good.

In the interest of honest I will admit that I swiped these tracks from another blog, Everything On My iPod. However, my links are directly to the files on my server, and not to their Rapidshare account, that would be rude.

Pete Shelley
On Your Own (New York Mix)
Please forgive me...but I cannot endure it any longer
"On Your Own" is a good track, I'm not denying that, but the real attention grabber here is the B-side. "Please Forgive Me..." is a bizarre seven-and-a-half minute instrumental of drums and synths that wouldn't sound out of place on a Deep Forest record if it wasn't so damn ominous and awesome. Actually, it sounds like some perfect combination of Deep Forest, Tangerine Dream and Vangelis' score to Blade Runner. If you think it's boring give it time, it peaks around the 5:20 mark. It's good, and when I listen to it I am shocked that it wasn't in the score to Megaforce or something.

Rammstein
Stripped
Yes, this is a cover of Depeche Mode's Stripped by German industrial perverts Rammstein, and yes, it sounds exactly how you would expect it to. In fact, the version you just know imagined in your head is probably spot on. So yeah, it's kinda dumb. It's also kinda fun so enjoy. This is from a Depeche Mode tribute CD.

I would totally hit that blue chick.

2009-12-22T01:30:00.001-05:00

Just saw Avatar. Wow. Go see it now. Well, read my shit here first then go see it.

The Ravers
It's Gonna Be A Punk Rock Christmas!
Silent Night
Have I The Right (Come Right Back)
Rich Kids
The Ravers were a 70s punk rock band. I am fairly certain, though, that these are not the same Ravers who went on to be The Nails and recorded "88 Lines about 44 Women" if they are, then they used to sing in fake British accents and that's just kind of sad. Anyways, here's my obligatory Christmas music for the season, enjoy.

Kraftwerk
Tour De France (Long Distance Version 2)
Tour De France (Version 1)
Tour De France (Version 3)
Expo 2000 (Orbital Mix)
Expo 2000 (Francois K & Rob Rives Mix)
Expo 2000 (DJ Rolando Mix)
Expo 2000 (Underground Resistance Mix)
Expo 2000 (Underground Resistance Infiltrated Mix)
Expo 2000 (Underground Resistance Thought 3 Mix)
A Christmas gift I am getting from myself is the new Kraftwerk box set The Catalogue, which collects every single Kraftwerk album from Autobahn till now. I'm stoked because I don't own any Kraftwerk on CD, just vinyl, and the condition of those records is a little lacking. I am a little upset about the lack of "bonus" material in the box set though. No remixes or single edits, which is a bummer. And of course there's nothing from their first three albums - which the group has pretty much disowned. That sucks because I have bootlegs of their second and third albums and while, yes, they are uneven, there is some bitching stuff on those albums. More people need to hear Tanzmusik because that song is amazing.

Like I said before, none of their remixes are on the box set, which makes me feel fine about putting these several mixes up. The Tour De France versions are from a 12'' single I got. None of them are the same as the version on the album. The Expo 2000 remixes are from a CD single, but I'll be honest and admit that I snagged them online.

Everyone enjoy their German electronic music/70s novelty punk songs and I'll see you after Christmas. Merrry Chirstmas to all who celebrate it, and a happy (belated) Hanukah, Kwanzaa, Saturnalia, Festivus and Ziemassvētki - if any ancient Lavians are reading this.

Somebody Told Me That Peter Murphy is a Dick

2009-12-16T01:15:00.004-05:00

Not much to say tonight and not much to post. I got a big stack of records to record so hopefully some of that will be up soon. Busy week compiling various "Best of" lists for the various websites I write for. Best of 00 lists are a pain in my ass.

The Killers
Somebody Told Me (Josh Harris Club)
Somebody Told Me (Josh Harris Dub)
Somebody Told Me (King Unique's Vocal Remix)
Somebody Told Me (King Unique's Frogger Dub)
The Killers made my kinda-short list for best album of the decade. I really liked Sam's Town, but when it came down to the nitty gritty it didn't make it past my top 20. Hot Fuss probably wasn't even in my top 50. That's not to say they aren't good records, but when you're up against The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Strokes, Hell, Fucked Up, The New Pornographers, The White Stripes, Green Day, Radiohead, Outkast, Jay-Z and so on some shits gotta give. These remixes are from a 12'' and are pretty good actually. Although the Frogger dub is lacking in dying frog sounds.

Peter Murphy
The Line Between The Devil's Teeth (And That Which Cannot Be Repeat) (12'' Remix)
A Strange Kind Of Love (Version II)
Okay, a few things worth mentioning here. The original version of these tunes are from Deep, which is the album that has the cover in which it looks like Peter is trying to blow himself. It's also the album that has "Cuts You Up" on it, a track that sadly never had a 12'' version. "The Line Between The Devil's Teeth (And That Which Cannot Be Repeat)" is a silly song title, and the fact that he went with "repeat" instead of "repeated" is obviously because he was trying to rhyme "teeth" with "repeat." That's a stretch. Also, the first version of "A Strange Kind Of Love" is on that record, but it's called "(Version One)" while the single goes with roman numerals and calls the second version "(Version II)." As a design person that irks me.

These tracks are dedicated to blind date I had with a hardcore Peter Murphy fan who never called me back.

Spandau Homies

2009-12-12T00:01:00.001-05:00

So no one wants to comment on the brilliance of Fireballet? Geez, I thought you guys were cool. What, you're too good to hear a 19-minute prog-rock version of "Night On Bald Mountain?" Pussies. If you guys keep this up I just might...um...complain about it next time.

Spandau Ballet
Lifeline (Club Mix)
Lifeline (Dub Mix)
So I'm walking out of a restaurant with a friend and somehow Spandau Ballet comes up in conversation and she says "Ooh I love them" so I start a spontaneous performance of "Gold" in front of her. However, her definition of "Ooh I love them" is really just "Ooh, I like that song 'True'" so I'm just dancing around like an idiot in front of her singing a song she's never heard.

This kind of thing happens to me a lot.

This remix is from a 12'' single.

The Stranglers
~~Always The Sun (Hot Mix)~~
Even though I own four Stranglers 12'' singles I have yet to buy any of their albums save for a greatest hits collection. So do not ask me how this song is different from the regular version, because I do not know. It's pretty though. And unlike the other pretty Stranglers song I know I'm fairly certain this one is not about heroin.

Daft Punk
Revolution 909 (Roger & Junior's Revolutionary War Mix)
Yay! Yay! Daft Punk remix! I got nothing else on this, sorry. It's from a 12'', it's good. The Junior in the title is Junior Sanchez. Download it. Enjoy.

Eon
Basket Case (Whitecoat Mix)
Basket Case (Blackcoat Mix)
Basket Case (Mr Raucous Rides Again Version)
This is by far the best house track to sample an early 80s grindhouse flick, unless there's some unheard classic that riffs off of C.H.U.D. In case you have no idea as to what I am talking about, this song samples, and is named after Basket Case, a classic piece of sleaze from 1982 about a guy who keeps his deformed, psychopathic twin in an extra-large picnic basket as they go on a murder spree to get revenge against those who separated them. It's an amazing filthy offensive masterpiece and I can't recommend it enough. Don't take that as an endorsement of the sequels though, those are two of the worst movies ever made.

Eon, the maker of this bitchin' track, sadly passed away earlier this year from complications stemming with pneumonia. If you want to check out some of his excellent other tracks (including one that samples the movie Dune) check this page out.

Let Your Prog Flag Fly

2009-12-05T20:41:00.004-05:00
I've been having a less-than-stellar few weeks, but thankfully I found an album so amazingly bizarre that I think it could actually be sold as a cure for depression...well, if it came with a bottle Prozac and some vodka. Good triple play if you ask me.

Fireballet
Les Cathedrales
Centurion (Tales of Fireball Kids)
The Fireballet
Atmospheres
Night on Bald Mountain
I have a odd relationship with prog rock. I worship Pink Floyd, but I really don't consider them "prog" as much as they are psychedelic. On the flip side, I used to think Rush was the worst band in the history of the universe, but someone forced me to listen to 2112 and I came around (but I still hate Geddy Lee's voice). More recently I've become interested in King Crimson and have discovered some pretty amazing obscure 70s prog bands like Magma and FM. And even in the prog I don't like (such as Jethro Tull) I recognize the talent behind the music and can usually appreciate it on that level (notable exception: Traffic - I fucking hate that band).

However, what I like most about prog rock is just how damn stupid it can be. And I mean that as a compliment. There is no shame in prog, no restraint, it is what it is, like it or not. And that's how we get stuff like a theatrical performance of King Arhtur ON ICE (thank you Rick Wakeman) and Peter Gabriel performing as a flower.

Fireballet definitely encompasses everything I love about prog rock, preposterous concepts, technical ability and a hard-to-define wackiness, all in one amazingly odd and quirky album.

Night On Bald Mountain was Fireballet's first release and came out on Passport records in 1975. In ways the album is actually restrained when compared to other prog rock releases, most of the songs hover around the four-minute mark, and keyboard solos are kept to a minimum on those numbers. However, it's the other two pieces in which Fireballet really let their freak prog flag fly in all its insane and ludicrous glory.

The first is "Les Cathedrales" which apparently borrows liberally from Theme One by Van De Graff Generator. Even though, they mix it up a bit, adding a great spacey intro and moving the originals sax melody to various keyboards and other electronic instruments. The vocals by lead singer Jim Como are also an addition to the original, and his forceful delivery really drive home the energy of the tune in the bridge before it delves off into solo insanity.

The real highlight of the album though is the title track, a 19-minute take on the Modest Mussorgsky composition that features every damn instrument you could possibly imagine (more on that in a minute) and some original lyrics about wizards...and stuff (okay the lyrics are kind of out there). Needless to say it's totally insane/inane/brilliant stuff. It's definitely the kind of thing that could only be created in the 70s that's for sure.

If you decide to download these songs (and if you've read this far I'm assuming you have) then you might be wondering what the hell you're hearing. There's a lot going on here man. Thankfully the back cover breaks down the instrumentation by performer for us.

Jim Como was the Phil Collins of the group, going double-duty as a drummer/singer. In addition to drums he also played timpani, xylophone, vibes, glockenspiel, Chinese bell tree, gongs, finger cymbals, tubular bells (which is apparently more than a Mike Oldfield album) and triangle. I do love that he felt the need to credit his gong playing separately from his drum playing, hell I love the fact that he had multiple gongs! Bryan Howe backed up Jim as the organ player, rocking out on a Hammond and pipe organ as well as a celeste. And while Howe may have been the organ player, Fireballet also had a pianist. His name was Frank Petlo and he played piano, electric piano, ARP 2600 Synthesizer, Mellotron, electronic strings and the Oberheim DS-2 digital sequencer. Ryche Chlandra was the guitarist of the group, playing both acoustic and electric. He also performed various "electronic devices" which is probably the coolest credit in the history of music. Rounding out the group was the Marytn Biglin who played bass, 12-string guitar, bass pedals and Moog Taurus pedals. Their producer, one Ian McDonald of King Crimson and Foreigner fame, also contributed to the mix, playing sax and flute on a couple tracks.

That is...a lot of instruments. One can only imagine what their practice space looked like. Did these guys ever go on tour? I couldn't find any information on their live show. I do know that they released one more album (the hilariously-named Two-Too) before calling it quits. They have a MySpace page however, and Ryche is even on Twitter!

Despite these all work remains out of print, never released on CD - which is why I am putting up all of Night On Bald Mountain here for download. If anyone from Fireballet objects, please let me know and I shall remove its progtastical greatness in due haste. Until then I recommend everyone check it out, its' great stuff. And it'll make you want to watch Fantasia (which for some reason I have on LaserDisc - so I got that going for me, which is nice).

Everybody Talk About Blog Music

2009-12-04T00:59:00.008-05:00
I actually have some stuff to say about tonight's music so I'm going to skip my usually random BS intro and just cut to the chase. Besides, seeing both John Travolta and Rod Stewart on Conan tonight zapped my brain of any creativity. What the fuck was that? Old semi-talented has-been night on the Tonight Show? It was painful.

M
~~Pop Musik (Tolga's Version)~~
Shockingly this is the first remix of "Pop Musik" I've found. I would assume this sucker has been remixed both illegally and legally about a billion times over. It's just one of the most brilliant tracks ever written. Best one-hit-wonder that isn't Tainted Love? Maybe. This weird remix from the early 90s was from a German 12'' single that contained another remix of a late-70s/early-80s dance track...

Blue Feather
~~Let's Funk Tonight (Celebrate Remix)~~
...which would be this track right here. Everything I know about Blue Feather I found out on Wikipedia about 20 minutes ago, so I'm not going to go into any detail, you can read it for yourself. This song is retarded though, and there should be a worldwide ban on using "funk" as a replacement for "fuck" unless you are George Clinton. Okay maybe Bootsy Collins can too but that's it. No one else. I'm talking to you Red Hot Chili Peppers!

Techno Madness
Techno Madness (Lime Light Mix)
Techno Madness (Original Club Mix)
Techno Madness (Radio Edit)
Techno Madness (Scott's Med Mix)
Okay, I found it. The search is over. This is, without question, the stupidest techno song of all time. Nearly every stereotype from 90s techno is here, collected in these four remixes. You got the sample of Chuck D yelling "bass!", random sirens, the generic hard synth riff, and even some "woos" thrown in for good measure. All it's missing is some hoovers, an Amen Break and that James Brown "Woo! Yeah!" sample. That is represented on tonight's blog post in that Blue Feather remix.

Techno Madness is the name of the song and the performer, who exactly "Techno Madness" might be is a bit of a mystery. I can find no information on this person. This track was released by ZYX Records, which is a German label, so I'm willing to bet whomever "Techno Madness" is he/she/they/it is from Europe. Besides, Americans weren't making this kind of stupid dance music in 1992, we were busy making our own bran of stupid dance music (see C+C Music Factory, Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch for examples).

Blame
Spectre
Binary Sunset
Sigma
Point Four
A quick addendum to tonight post to prove I listen to some "intelligent" electronic music. This is nifty neato-keen spaced-out drum 'n' bass from a 2-12'' EP I got a few years ago. I don't know much about Blame but I dig his style based on what I've heard. If you download these tracks and like what you hear then I suggest you check out this post of mine from a while back for some similar stuff.

Big Dumb Dance

2009-12-02T00:03:00.002-05:00
I hope everyone had a better Thanksgiving than I did. To recover from you family holiday trauma here is some big dumb 90s dance music. Because we all need more of that.

Apollo 440
Carrera Rapida (Theme From Rapid Racer) (Salt Tank's Rip Tide Remix)
Carrera Rapida (Theme From Rapid Racer) (Frog Junkies Funk Junkie Remix)
Carrera Rapida (Theme From Rapid Racer) (The E-Z Drum & Bass Orchestra Remix)
Carrera Rapida (Theme From Rapid Racer) (Mondo Azul Remix)
So grabbing these mixes off of a 12 inch single bring my knowledge of Apollo 440 to a whopping three songs. There is of course their smash hit "Stop The Rock" but I also was aware of them back in "the day" (the day being the late 90s) due to their strange remix of the theme to Lost In Space, which I think was used in the 1998 film version of the TV show. Spoiler Warning: That movie is one of the worst sci-fi flicks of all time.

I remember seeing that piece of trash in the theater. Ugh. I also remember that it opened huge, and was the film the finally dethrone Titanic from its reign of terror at number one at the box office. A few weeks before this crapular cinematic abortion forced upon an unknowing movie public that a much better sci-fi film, the amazing Dark City, was released to an overwhelming thud. The fact that Dark City, an amazing, breathtaking one-of-a-kind piece of film making bombed while Lost in fucking Space did bang-up business was one of my first indicators that there is no justice in the entertainment world, especially when it comes to awesome sci-fi.

Anyways, this single is actually from the soundtrack to a video game called Rapid Racer (or Turbo Prop Racing in the states). I never played that one, I was probably too busy recovering from seeing Lost In Space in the theater on opening weekend. How the hell did a kind of well-known electronic act get involved with what looked to be a standard boat racing game? Man the 90s were fucked up.

War
Galaxy 2000 (Main Mix)
Galaxy 2000 (Dub Mix)
Want further proof of the 90s ridiculousness? Okay, how about the fact that house producers Plump DJs remixed 70s funk band War's "Galaxy" and renamed it "Galaxy 2000"? That's even more random than when The Doobie Brothers' "Listen To The Music" was remixed for dance clubs in the mid-90s...okay maybe not but it's still odd. These remixes are good though.

Jon The Dentist
Shindo (Jon The Dentist's Epic Mix)
Shindo (Dexterous Remix)
Shindo (DJ Misjah Mix)
Now were getting from weird to just downright stupid. Okay, that's harsh. "Shindo" is actually a pretty amazing trance track and it still holds up some 10 plus years later as an obvious precursor to hardstyle house music. In fact, Jon the Dentist is supposedly hailed (by whom?) as an innovator of the hardstyle house sound. I can see it though, because if "Shindo" is any indication he was making fast-paced and incredibly awesome dance tracks that were impossible to dance to due to their insane BPM long before that whole thing took off as a movement. I don't know how you kids dance to that stuff. It makes my feet want to fall off. What is stupid however is the name Jon The Dentist. Because when I'm listening to Hi-NRG house I really want to be reminded of my sore gums.

Hypertrophy
~~Beautiful Day (Juniorverse Remix)~~
Beautiful Day (Original Mix)
Beautiful Day (Tank Remix)
Just Come Back To Me (Kosmonova Remix)
Hypertrophy is the technical term for "getting buff." It's also apparently the name of a bunch of German producers who make mediocre house music if this song is any indication. "Beautiful Day" isn't awful, but it isn't great either, and the dude's vocals get REALLY annoying after a while. "Just Come Back To Me" is generic acid house to the 10th degree. I listen to it and imagine that it was cut from the soundtrack of Hackers.

Funking up your Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T00:20:00.003-05:00
This is the only post for the week, as I am heading to the wastelands of northwest Ohio to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Ever been to Toledo? It's kind of like Fallout 3, but with more mutants and worse radio stations. I will be surviving the trip by alternating between Slayer's new album, the debut from Them Crooked Vultures and Harpo Marx's classical harp record Harpo Marx in High Fidelity.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with delicious turkey and minimal family dysfunction. Unless you're reading this in a country other than the US, then have a good Thursday.

Grace Jones
~~I'm Not Perfect (But I'm Perfect For You) (The Perfectly Extended remix)~~
If you want hours of entertainment just go a Google image search for Grace Jones (really not work safe). I remember when she was banned from Disney World for flashing her chest at a crowd. Disney said that was inappropriate, I say it's Grace fucking Jones, they're lucky she didn't grab her staff and fight an orc to the death (go see Conan the Destroyer kids...on second thought - don't).

Side note: Grace Jones is still recording music, still kicking ass and she's apparently still batfuck insane. Thank god.

Pete Shelley
~~Waiting for Love (12'' Remix)~~
The drums in the beginning of this are a little funky for a second, but it's not a skip - I think it's a mistake that's on the actual record. Aside from that this is an excellent track, although I'm told that the album it's from , 1986's Heaven And the Sea, is one of his weaker efforts. It's definitely not as amazing (or gay) as "Homosapien" and that's a shame. If Adam Lambert really wants to gay it up the dude should cover that tune.

George Clinton
~~If Anybody Gets Funked Up (It's Gonna Be You) (Colin Wolfe Mix)~~
Fact: George Clinton is god. I got nothing else to say about him. This is from a 12'' single. It had other mixes, but they were all torn and scratched to shit, sorry.

Erasure
Supernature (Daniel Miller/Phil Legg Mix)
Supernature (Mark Saunders Mix)
You Surround Me (Gareth Jones Mix)
I don't know how I didn't get around to posting these tracks sooner, I've had this single sitting by my computer for about a year now. I'd see it in my pile and think "oh yeah, I should listen to that." Finally put it on today and I'm a big fat idiot for not doing that sooner. "Supernature" kicks ASS - totally fabulous in every sense of the word. The first mix is the best, but the second is quite good as well. "You Surround Me" is pretty awesome too. These are all from a 12'' inch single.

Cross-dressing, cross-samples and, um, GusGus.

2009-11-21T01:39:00.004-05:00
Meh! Meh I say!

Dead Or Alive
You Spin Me Round (Like A Record) (Extended Mix)
Brand New Lover (Bubble Mix)
Did you know Jessica Simpson tried to cover You Spin Me Round? She failed because she's a no-talent piece of trash who should fall off the face of the Earth. Seriously. How many great songs does that vapid talentless nimrod need to butcher? She fucked up that song, Robbie Williams epic power ballad "Angels," "Take My Breath Away" and "These Boots Are Made For Walking." She even over-sampled John Mellencamp's "Jack and Diane" for her first album. It's not bad enough that she has to release "original" pieces of shit that the average retarded teenybopper wouldn't be caught dead listening to, but she has to go a ruin good songs? I think it's funny that she's credited as a songwriter on most of her releases, like that no-talent piece of trash can put two notes together, the idiot can barely put two fucking words together. I hate that people are so critical of her weight, when her personality, stupidity and lack of talent are all much better reasons to tear her to shreds.

How was that for a random rant? These tracks are from a 12'' single.

Big Audio Dynamite II
~~Rush (12'' Mix)~~
No rant here. "Rush" kicks ass. Not only that, but I can use this space to promote the new album by Carbon/Silicon, which is Mick Jones' latest band (also featuring Tony James from Sigue Sigue Sputnik.) Carbon Bubble is currently free to download at Carbon/Silicon's website. Go get it. It's excellent. And if even if you don't like it, who the fuck cares? It's free!

GusGus
Polyesterday (Shot In The Leg Remix)
Hands down one of the best song titles of all time. Good track too. I know little about GusGus so I'll just shut up now. This is from a white label single I got last week.

Emerge from Something

2009-11-18T00:04:00.004-05:00
Wow! Two posts in two days! Check out my style! Tonight is nothing buy amazing awesome spectacular music. I'd like to say that's always the case here, but we all know that's not true - I did once put up a cover of "Tutti Frutti" by Sting after all.

Mint Royale
Shake Me
Shake Me (The Light Remix)
Okay, am I crazy or is this song sampling George Harrison's "What Is Love"? Listen for it, it comes in around 2:20, right after the female voice. It sounds like the beginning of the chorus to "What Is Love" is being sampled for like half a second or something, anyone agree with me? "Shake Me" is on the original version of Mint Royale's debut album On the Ropes, but it was taken off of the American version. Regardless, neither of these appear to be the regular version and both were taken from a 12'' single.

Felix Da Housecat
What Does It Feel Like? (Röyksopp Return The Sun Remix)
Control Freaq (No Ears Re-Edit)
As a whole I think Felix is a bit uneven, however I will say that Devin Dazzle & the Neon Fever is probably one of my favorite albums of the decade. Not a weak track on that record, and its great music to work out to. The original versions of these tracks were on his first album, Kitten and Thee Glitz, and while that record had "Silver Screen Shower Scene" it was more than a little messy. These tracks kicked ass though, and the remixes do also. Side note: Röyksopp is amazing, and their new album is without question the best dance record of the year. Go buy it.

Fischerspooner
Emerge (The Hacker Remix)
Emerge (Moguai Mix)
Emerge (Selway's Memory Boy Superstar Mix)
Once again, I don't understand this song. It it supposed to make sense? I don't think so. I sure as hell hope not. I previously put up a few mixes of this track, scored a few more from another promo 12'' I picked up.

Where My Head Is

2009-11-17T00:57:00.006-05:00
I'm going to try and force myself to be productive with the blogging this week and I'm going to commit right now to two additional blog posts this week. I'd like to say that I haven't been posting as much because I've been extra busy with work or, y'know - a life, but I'll just be honest and blame Borderlands. That game is like crack with shotguns that shoot fire and lightening.

Basement Jaxx
Where's Your Head At? (Extended Mix)
Where's Your Head At? (Stanton Warriors Remix)
Where's Your Head At? (Sounds of Da Future Remix)
Where's Your Head At? (Jaxx Nite Dub)
I didn't realize until a bout a year ago that this amazing track is based off samples from two - count 'em two - Gary Numan tracks. One Gary Numan song is amazing, and two put together is even more amazing. Someone should make a track samples 80 Numan tunes at once - based on my theory of exponential Numan quality that would be the best song of all time. These tracks actually are available on iTunes (well, all expect the extended mix anyways) but I don't care. This track kicks ass and I feel like sharing these remixes. To quote a reviewer of the single on iTunes, "if you don't like this song, there's something wrong with you."

Massive Attack
Safe From Harm (12'' Mix)
Safe From Harm (7'' Instrumental)
Safe From Harm (Just a Dub Mix)
Safe From Harm (Perfecto Mix)
Ooooh....pretty. I think Massive Attack's Blue Lines is definitive proof that sometimes someone can actually make a perfect song. There are TWO perfect songs on Blue Lines (this track and, of course, "Unfinished Sympathy"). What's more amazing than that is that there is also a perfect song on Massive Attack's sophomore album Protection ("Karmacoma") and three perfect tracks on their third album Mezzanine ("Angel" "Teardrops," and "Inertia Creeps"). Sometimes I listen to Mezzanine and I have a hard time doing anything else because that music is just so fucking great that I just want to close my eyes and just take it all in. Okay, that sounds kind of gross, but I wasn't going for the double entendre...okay maybe I was. Anyways, these remixes are from a 12'' single. More awesome electronic music later this week.

Liv Tyler should be Aerosmith's new lead singer.

2009-11-11T00:42:00.004-05:00
I'd fucking GO to that show.

I complain a lot. It's kind of my thing. That's how I roll. I especially complain when musicians and bands I like do shit I can't stand. LIke when Wolfmother decided to be twats and release 80 billion versions of Cosmic Egg, or when Billy Corgan...does anything. However, I'm actually going to talk nice about a band I like, because they did something awesome.

The Foo Fighters' released a greatest hits collection this month. Actually, they had no real say in the decision, their label decided to do it against the wishes of Dave Grohl. Like every greatest hits it has a few new songs tacked on to entice fans who own everything to shell out the extra bucks for the new songs. That's always annoying, and what's more annoying is that usually when there's a greatest hits on iTunes you can't just buy the new tracks, you have to buy the whole album.

Well that's not the case this time, probably because Dave was against the compilation in the first place. If you just want the new tracks, you can have them, not only that, there's an entire EP that is JUST the new tracks, making it easy and cost effective to get them. That EP also includes their cover of Wings' "Band On The Run" which was never released in America. It's nice to see a band reward their devoted fans instead of punishing them for a change. I doubt you'll ever see fucking U2 do that shit (still bitter over not being able to legally just buy "The Saints Are Coming").

Man, that was a lot of nice for me...I don't know what to say next. Oh yeah, I remember. To the person that spammed my comments with repeated requests for a Blondie song - piss off.

Ah, I feel better now.

Deborah Harry
I Can See Clearly (The Club Mix)
I Can See Clearly (N.Y.C. Dub)
I Can See Clearly (Blonde Rave)
I Can See Clearly (Dub-a-mental)
I Can See Clearly (Boriqua Tribal Mix)
I think I'm going to have to cave and finally buy a Deborah Harry solo record. Any recommendations? I'm avoiding Koo Koo, I've heard that album is as bad as the cover is good. These remixes (which are all actually really fucking good) are from a 12''.

Talking Heads
Slippery People
Making Flippy Floppy
Slippery flippity floppity slippy flippy flop. Yeah...that's all I got. Actually, strike that, I got more. What the fuck is "Making Flippy Floppy" about? Is it about screwing? "Flippy Floppy" is the best/worst euphamism for boning ever - and I'm totally gonna start using it. These remixes are from a 12'' single. They are by John "Bellybean" Benitez, and if you know who that is then that means something to you.

Swine Poo. Oh, and some TMBG and stuff.

2009-11-06T01:25:00.003-05:00
It's been nearly four weeks since I first got sick with the flu, and I'm still feeling the after effects of it. I'm going to go ahead and call it - I had the swine flu. Fucking pigs. Meh.

Random music time!

A-Ha
~~I've Been Losing You (Extended Mix)~~
A-Ha is breaking up. I know this is shocking news to everyone in America who assumed they vanished into a black and white comic sometime around 1986. However, they've been quite big in Europe since 1984, and I'm assuming their impending break-up is pretty big news in Norway, where I assume they are blonde synth-pop gods. I'm not a huge fan of A-ha, but I do have their greatest hits compilation and I do have to say that I do think that over their course of their 20-plus year career they no doubt showed signs of fucking genius. Anyone who says they don't like "Take On Me" is a damned liar, and "The Sun Always Shines On T.V." just might be one of the most beautiful songs of the 80s. "I've Been Losing You" isn't as good as that classic, but it does have a pretty awesome drum intro.

They Might Be Giants
S-E-X-X-Y (Tee's Freeze Mix)
S-E-X-X-Y (Tee's In House Dub)
S-E-X-X-Y (The Warren Rigg Microwave Mix)
I've seen nerd gods TMBG so many times I've actually lost count, I think it's six or seven. Usually I'm better at keeping track of such things, but nearly every time I've seen them it's been at Mr. Smalls in Pittsburgh, so all thsoe shows kind of morph together into one AMAZING concert. The first time I saw TMBG was in 1996, when they were touring in support for Factory Showroom, the album that features the original version of "S-E-X-X-Y." I was just getting into them at the time and really wanted to see them. I wanted to see them so bad I went with my mom to see Hootie And The Blowfish because TMBG was opening for them. That's some fucking dedication right there. I'm hardcore like that. These remixes are from a 12'' single. Also, apparently the person who owned this 12'' before me treated it like sandpaper, so there are a few pops and clicks. Sorry about that.

P.M. Dawn
I'd Die Without You (Extended Jeep Mix)
I'd Die Without You (Remix Dub)
I'd Die Without You (Extended Remix Radio Edit)
Hippie Hip Hop! I'm tired now and out of things to say. This song is so mellow it might kill you, be careful.

Orchestral Manoeuvres in Toledo

2009-11-01T19:30:00.002-05:00
I hate it when a band I like does something that I consider moderately evil. Thankfully I don't like U2 or it would happen a lot. I am a fan of Wolfmother though, I think their debut is one of the best "rawk" albums in years, totally cribbing the best of AC/DC, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. I've been looking forward to their sophomore album, Cosmic Egg, for months and bought it the day it came out, even though I had a review copy! I'm fucking loyal!

However, there are two versions of the album (excluding the iTunes BS), a standard and a deluxe. The deluxe version has four more songs and costs about six bucks more. That's annoying. There's no reason why the "standard" album can't have those four extra tracks, it's just a marketing ploy. That's fucked up. What's more fucked up is that the deluxe version is two CDs, even though it would all fit on one CD. I'm assuming the official line is that it makes it more like the vinyl copy, which is split across two LPs (because it has to be). The actual reason? Because every two-CD edition sold counts as TWO copies sold, artificially inflating the numbers.

In a time where it's getting harder and harder for artists to convince people to actually go out and BUY music this shit doesn't help.

Siouxsie And The Banshees
The Killing Jar (Lepidopteristic Mix)
Something Wicked (This Way Comes)
Are You Still Dying Darling?
For those playing at home, a Lepidopterist is someone who collects butterflies, which makes sense since a killing jar is the jar used to kill caught butterflies. It's one of the best-named remixes I've seen in a while, although it pales in comparison to all the crazy-ass Erasure remix titles (example: Truly In Love With The Marx Bros. Mix).

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark
(Forever) Live And Die (Extended Mix)
(Forever) Live and Die (7'' Version)
We Love You (Extended)
We Love You (7'' Version)
We Love You (Dub)
These are from two 12'' singles that are both excellent, although if I had to pick a favorite I would have to go with "(Forever) Live And Die," it's such a catchy tune. I was originally going to call this post "Mo' MD" but that's just stupid. Speaking of stupid, I'm at my dad's house right now and after being subjected to Fox News for an hour I am currently being forced to watch Survivor. It's like a greatest hits of what's wrong with American media all from the comfort of a couch. Sigh. The opening of the extended mix of "(Forever) Live And Die" is a bit scratchy, but it improves as the song goes. Sorry about that.

Hippity Hoppity Bowie

2009-10-27T23:01:00.004-04:00
Damn and fuck I've been busy. If it's not visiting relatives or visiting friends its swine flu, or in the case of this week - work and funerals. I really hope my November is better than my October. Anyways...music!

David Bowie
Fame 90 (with Queen Latifah)
Fame 90 (House Mix)
Fame 90 (Hip Hop Mix)
Fame 90 (Absolutely Nothing Premeditated/Epic Mix)
Fame is a great song. So great that it can withstand some of the most overproduced remix effects that 1990 had to offer, although in some cases it fairs worse than others. The house mix is alright, the Hip Hop mix is good (and not at all hip hop so don't worry), the Epic Mix is just that - clocking in at over 14 minutes, and the mix with Queen Latifah is the kind of wondrous WTF train wreck that only 1990 could produce. All are worth at least one listen. Although none hold a candle to the original. Why fuck with a classic?

Sugar Daddy
~~Another One Bites The Dust~~
So...this is a 1980 hip-hop track that is nothing more than a rap over an instrumental track of Queen's "Another One Bites The Dust." I don't think it wants to be a rap song though, as Sugar Daddy (AKA Kevin Woodley - who is apparently BIG on self-promotion) says the word "disco" about a billion and a half times. It's very Golden Age, with a cadence taken straight out of "Rapper's Delight" with added "Oh yeahs!" Utterly ridiculous and a hell of a lot of fun.

Insert Clever "See You/Swine Flu" Pun Here

2009-10-23T01:38:00.002-04:00
I am beginning to feel not-so-dead. I will celebrate this amazing occasion with Depeche Mode. It's how I celebrate all things worth celebrating, and several things not worth celebrating.

And yes, I know I could have made a Black Celebration joke there, but I'm above that. Actually, I'm too tired to think of one.

Depeche Mode
My Secret Garden (Live)
See You (Live)
Satellite (Live)
Tora! Tora! Tora! (Live)
New Life (Live)
Boys Say Go! (Live)
Nothing To Fear (Live)
The Meaning Of Love (Live)
Just Can't Get Enough (Live)
A Photograph Of You (Live)
Shout (Live)
Photographic (Live)
There are a finite number of vinyl/limited edition Depeche Mode releases out there. And I'm assuming that not all of will make their way to Jerry's Records, located on 2135 Murray Ave. in Pittsburgh, PA. However, as long as they do I'll keep buying them. These tracks are from three separate limited edition singles, when you take all the B-sides to them they form what is probably a complete concert, recorded at the Hammersmith Odeon on the 25th of October, 1982. That's right, these singles are like Voltron - powerful on their own but when combined they form something unstoppable! Okay, I don't know how "unstoppable" Depeche Mode live is but you get my drift.

Flu me

2009-10-21T00:10:00.001-04:00
Ugh, this is only my third post this month! I was going to kick ass as be all prolific this week but I am currently ill. I have the flu, possibly of the swine variety. It's not fun. Right now I'm functioning on Sudafed alone. I got so much of that shit in me that you could cook meth from my blood.

However, I am a many of my word and promised more ridiculous Moroder insanity this week, so here it is.

Giorgio Moroder & Joe Esposito - Solitary Men
Solitary Man
Show Me The Night
My Girl
Too Hot To Touch
Diamond Lizzy
Washed in The Neon Light
A Love Affair
Nights in White Satin (has a skip in the first minute, sorry!)
Lady, Lady
White Hotel
To Turn The Stone
I was presented with quite the moral quandary with this one. This is NOT a good album, in fact, it's quite awful. However, it is very hard to get in America and it is excessively weird and of note for a number of reasons. For that I feel it is worth posting and talking about. However, I can not downplay just how awful this record is. If you don't recognize either of the people responsible for it then I suggest moving along and coming back later in the week. Otherwise...

If you're a regular visitor to this blog then you probably know who Giorgio Moroder is. I talked about him briefly in my last post and I will once again point those who want to know more to his Wikipedia page.

But who is Joe Esposito you ask? You fool! Why he's only the singer/songwriter behind the best non-Rocky sports movie montage song of the 80s! That song is of course "You're The Best" from The Karate Kid, a ridiculous piece of motivational tripe that should be on your iPod's workout playlist.

I have more to say, but I'm very tired, so screw it. Sorry.

PS: "Lady, Lady" is fucking gross.

Thank you for reminding me what a fine actor Bill Pullman Is

2009-10-15T21:45:00.004-04:00
You can all stop doing that now.

Sorry for the delay in posts, been a busy couple of weeks. I make up for lost time by bringing you excessively silly disco!

Munich Machine
A Whiter Shade Of Pale
It's For You
It's All Wrong (But It's Alright)
La Nuit Blanche
Love Fever
In Love With Love
Munich Machine was an alias for Giorgio Moroder. For those of you less versed in...awesome, Moroder is a music god, go to his wiki page to learn more, I'm tired. And while Moroder is responsible for some of the best tracks of the 70s and 80s, you won't find any of them on this release. Yes, this is lesser Moroder for sure, but still fun in its own way. Some of it is great for its stupidity; the cover of "A Whiter Shade Of Pale" is re-goddam-diculous, and "La Nuit Blanche" is a silly disco take on "Also Sprach Zarathustra" (aka the music from the opening of 2001: A Space Odyssey). However, there are some stellar tracks here. "It's For You" has an excellent haunting bassline that is just waiting to be sampled by someone and "In Love With Love" is vocoder-filled masterpiece. Sure, this is all cheesy and kind of silly, but who the hell cares? Besides, it's all fine art compared to the Moroder album I'll be putting up sometime next week...

Shit in my Angry Chair

2009-10-05T01:40:00.002-04:00
So on Friday I went to a local theater to see a double-feature of Nightmare On Elm Street and Candyman. I'm cool like that. My friend that was supposed to go with me couldn't escape a work engagement so I went on my own, knowing I would meet a couple of friends when I got there. Nightmare On Elm Street starts and for some reason I go from zero to pissy in about six seconds. Hand nothing to do with the movie (which I love) it had to do with some people in the audience, who would not stop giggling. I get that the movie is old and a little dated, but it's not FUNNY (okay, Johnny Depp getting blended to death is, but that's really about it).

Still, while their non-stop giggling was annoying, I was far more annoyed with it than I should have been. This was on me not them. The movie ends and it's time for intermission. I go out to talk to my friends about next week's double-feature which is the Italian horror classic Zombi and the amazing 1987 Kathyrn Bigelow vampire flick Near Dark. I'm trying to sell Near Dark to my skeptic friends who haven't seen it, playing up the awesomeness of Bill Paxton using a decapitated head to go bowling. One of them says "I loved him in Independence Day!"

"That's Bill Pullman," I say, correcting them. I've never understood the confusion between the two and it's a big pet peeve. Bill Paxton; True Lies, Aliens, Apollo 13, Fragile. Bill Pullman: Independence Day, Lost Highway...and that's about it. I'm a fan of the Paxton. Another friend, a very very good friend of mine, then says, "Does he eat fruit with the skin still on it in this one?" I'm confused and ask for some elaboration. She says, "You know, like he did in K-Pax."

"That was Kevin Spacey you fucking retard!" I yell at her. Judging from the reactions to those around me I realize that was a bit harsh. I then realize that I am not being very good company that night and I take off early, skipping Candyman because I'm afraid any inappropriate giggling may end with me hurting someone.

The point of this story is that when you have your own blog you can talk about whatever the fuck you want even if it doesn't have any relevance to anything else, or even a conclusion.

David Bowie
I'm Afraid Of Americans (V2)
I'm Afraid Of Americans (V3)
I'm Afraid Of Americans (V4)
I'm Afraid Of Americans (V5)
I'm Afraid Of Americans (V6)
My brother's name is Johnny, ergo I find this song funny. These remixes are from a CD single. V3 features Ice Cube. V5 was remixed by Photek. v6 sucks. But don't take my word for it, find out yourselves.

Alice In Chains
It Ain't Like That (Live)
Hate To Feel (Live)
The new Alice In Chains album is actually fucking incredible. William Duvall is a great vocalist, reminiscent of Layne without sounding like a cheap imitation. Buy it. While you do that listen to these classic live Alice In Chains cuts taken from the CD single to Angry Chair.

Is This The Blog Im Singing

2009-09-30T01:11:00.005-04:00
Vodka!

Echo And The Bunnymen
Think I Need It Too
Lips Like Sugar (Way Out West Remix Edit)
Do It Clean (Live)
This is a first for me. I actually got permission to post one of these songs. For some reason I was put on the right mailing list and some lovely people from Echo And The Bunnymen's label sent me a link to download the new album in its entirety, with permission to post the single on my blog! That's awesome! Finally, this blogging shit is starting to pay off. Well, to be honest I only got permission to post the one song, not the older tracks, but hell, they never stopped me before. They're not Steve Winwood after all. The "Lips Like Sugar" remix is from a compilation called Future Retro and the live version of "Do It Clean" is from an EP called The Sound of Echo.

I have listened to The Fountain (the band's upcoming release) and I can tell you that it totally totally kicks all kinds of ass. When it comes out you should fucking buy it. It kicks ass.

The Icicle Works
Understanding Jane (Live)
Should I Stay Or Should I Go? (Live)
~~Roadhouse Blues (Live)~~
And in "also ran" news I have some tracks by the third-tier Liverpool band The Icicle Works, who pale in comparison to the awesome awesomeness of Echo And The Bunnymen, "Whisper To A Scream" notwithstanding. This live version of "Understanding Jane" is actually quite amazing, but the live covers are holy shit bad. I'm posting them because they've never been released on CD as far as I know and there has to be some die hard Icicle Works fan out there clamoring for them right?

Where's my poorly programmed fansite?

2009-09-28T01:10:00.004-04:00
Sorry to disappoint everyone, but just because I go off on a singular word "rant" on Twitter doesn't mean I'm going to elaborate here. Sometimes my misery (such as it is) is my own. I love how I got tweets looking forward to elaboration on this. Sorry. Not gonna happen.

Bitches, man.

Arcadia
The Flame (Extended Remix)
The Flame (Yo Homeboy Mix)
The Promise (Extended Remix)
I never fully "got" the point of Arcadia. They're 3/5ths of Duran Duran, with Andy Taylor and John Taylor MIA, correct? But Duran Duran after Arcadia was really just 4/5ths Duran Duran since Andy Taylor quit the group. It's like some fucked up math problem, with synthesizers. The stupidity of it all boggles me. What boggles me even more is that a new band is trying something very similar. The Annuals is an overrated indie band who just last year released an album as Sunfold. Identical line-ups, just shuffled around a bit (the drummer sings now, yay). It's incredibly stupid if you ask me (and you should have!) Why not have a pair of balls and try to be musically diverse instead of creating fake side-projects to showcase your "artier" sides. Oh well, at least Arcadia was good, unlike Sunfold (or The Annuals for that matter). These are from 12'' singles originally, but I grabbed them online because my singles were scratched as shit.

Hohokam
Don't You Know (Extended Mix)
Envy Your Innocence
A synth-pop band signed to Gary Numan's incredibly short-lived Numa label. And proof that everyone has their own fan page.

Macy Gray
Sexual Revolution (Nunez, Morillo & Who Da Funk Super Dub)
Sexual Revolution (Morillo Retro Club Mix)
Sexual Revolution (Morillo Retro Dub Mix)
I liked Macy Gray's second album. There, I said it. Yes, I'm the one. I miss her being popular, I really hope she can comeback someday. Not only is her solo stuff unique and fun, but her guest appearances kicked ass too. She's on "Request Line," the last good Black Eyed Peas song to date, as well as the ultra-dirty "Love Life" by Fatboy Slim. Such an amazing voice. These are from a white label test pressing that I found. The label might not be accurate.

Displaced rage and 80s dance music

2009-09-25T01:05:00.003-04:00
To all the shitty stupid pseudo-anarchists, bullshit socialists and various other fucking assholes who are trashing my city.

Get fucked.

Windows all over parts of the the city are getting trashed by God knows who. I'm sure some protesters are going to blame the cops, sayings that undercover units are infiltrating the groups to start shit and give the police a reason to run in. Some already have. One "socialist" blog I saw said "rocks in BMW and Boston Chicken stores were the frustrated outcome of a crowd whose right to assemble had been forcefully revoked."

You know what dude? Go fuck yourself. Really? First of all, none of you shits were legally protesting. You were gathering in large numbers and causing a disruption just by being there, shouting shit and blocking traffic. That's not part of your fucking right to assemble shitheads. Secondly, what does breaking shit solve? Sure, it feels good, but that's not a real good way to endear the people to your fucking cause. You ever read about Martin Luther King Jr., or Ghandi breaking fucking windows or picking fights? No. Because they weren't fucking retarded. You are.

What the fuck are these protests for anyways? And what the fuck are you little shits accomplishing other than alienating left-wing progressives (i.e. ME) who might be sympathetic to your cause otherwise? The second you start destroying the property of LOCALLY owned businesses you loose all credibility. Get fucked. I hope the police beat the shit out of you when the cameras aren't on. You get what you fucking deserve.

Except this guy. He's awesome.

Now who wants some synthpop?

Eurthymics
~~The Ministry Of Love (Extended Version)~~
This is from the soundtrack to 1984. The film based on the book about a real totalitarian regime. Not the fake one the G20 protesters are whining about. This is extended version is from the 12'' single to "Julia," another track from the soundtrack. Fun bit of trivia about this tune, it's not very good.

Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark
Tesla Girls (Specially Remixed Version)
Tesla Girls (Video Version)
This is an odd song. I'm learning more about OMD all the time, maybe one day I'll actually buy one of their albums. These are also from a 12'' single.

Berlin
No More Words (Dance Remix)
Dancing In Berlin (Remix)
Yay! Berlin! They can cheer me up in this time of unnecessary social unrest and political douchebaggery! Terri Nunn I love you (always filled my eyes). These are from a very strange 12'' that is actually two separate 12'' singles packaged together.

The Ramifications of Pissing off John Denver

2009-09-24T00:42:00.005-04:00
If you're a longtime reader of this blog you know that I'm a resident of the glorious city of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. You probably also know that I hate people.

As you may or may not know the G20 Summit is in Pittsburgh today and tomorrow. In addition to the leaders of the free world descending on my wonderful city, a lot of hippie dippie douchebag protesters are taking up shop as well. This is my warning to all those twats; you start shit I'm going to find you and beat you to death with a 12'' Sigue Sigue Sputnik single.

Keep my city cool you bastards.

Now, music.

New Order
Run 2
MTO
Regret (Fire Island Mix)
Regret (Junior Dub Mix)
Regret (New Order Mix)
It's been too fucking long since I got a good New Order post in. But this shit is confusing, so pay attention because this will be on the exam. And I will disclaim in advance that I got all this information from Wikipedia and a New Order fan page, so I'm not entirely sure of its accuracy.

New Order's 1989 album Technique has a song on it called "Run." When released as a 12'' single, the band opted to use a remix instead, which was called "Run 2." Apparently John Denver thought this version swiped from "Leaving On A Jet Plane" (I do not hear that AT ALL) and he was pissy about it, suing the band. The single was never re-released. Various releases since then claim to have the 12'' version of "Run 2" on them, but they apparently do not. This is the original 12'' version of the song. I am not including the 12'' version because it is included on the bonus disc to the 2008 re-release of Technique, and that album is bad-ass, you should buy it.

On a side note, how did John Denver's people come across the 12'' single to "Run 2?" I doubt there was a big overlap in the fan bases at the time.

But wait, there's more confusion! (Yes, I know "Confusion" the name of a New Order song, that's why I said it.)The b-side to said legal clusterfuck was "MTO" which may or may not stand for various things. On the previously mentioned deluxe version of Technique it is included as a bonus track - or is it!? Actually the "Minus Mix" is included, however, it is labeled as the regular version!

There is no additional insanity to report when discussing the 12'' for "Regret" other than the strange fact that it's the highest charting New Order track in America. Odd. Oh, and the New Order mix is bad-ass.

I'm on a pretty solid 80s kick this week thanks to a pretty good pickup from Jerry's Records this week. Hopefully I can get one more post in tomorrow night.

Bump And Grind My Mind

2009-09-23T00:33:00.001-04:00
Monsters of Folk are on Conan right now, wow M. Ward, the singer from My Mourning Jacket, Conor Oberst and...some other dude are in a band together? Well fuck me sideways we just found the cure for insomnia. They just to throw in a dude from Death Cab and maybe the guy from Iron & Wine and they might create aural death.

I'll stick to my synthesized bullshit thank you very much.

The Other Two
Selfish (That Pop Mix)
Selfish (The Single Mix)
Selfish (East Village Mix)
Selfish (East Village Dub)
Moving On (Waterfront Mix)
I find The Other Two moderately humorous and I can't really say why. Maybe it's because they knew their lot in life. Realizing they were destined to forever by considered secondary members of New Order (next to Bernard Summer and Peter Hook) they embraced it with their rather dismissive name. I'd say that their self-deprecating tone was unnecessary, but I don't know since all their stuff is completely out of print in the states, I just have a couple 12'' singles to go by, which I dig. These tracks are for the 12'' single to "Selfish." I don't know if The Single Mix is really that much different than the album version because, like I said, I can't find that album anywhere. This 12'' also had an additional dub of "Selfish" called "The Junior Style Dub" but it was scratched to hell and was boring as fuck, so I'm not including that one, sorry.

Baby Ford
Children Of The Revolution (Full 12'' Version)
Children Of The Revolution (Euro Version)
Oochy Koochy (Konrad Cadet Version)
Ford Trax
According to Allmusic Baby Ford is "one of the most recognizable names in current dancefloor techno and was one of the founders of the U.K. acid house scene." The being said, I've never heard of the motherfucker. Now, I'm not the end-all be-all of Acid House information, but I like to think I know my shit. Hey peoples, is Allmusic full of shit or am I just lacking in my Acid House knowledge? "Children Of The Revolution" is indeed a cover of the classic T-Rex tune, and while it's far better than it has any right to be, it really just makes me want to hear the original again and again. Man, T. Rex was fucking awesome. If you own Ziggy Stardust and you don't own Electric Warrior you're fucking up.These are all from a 12'' single.

A-ha! It's The Cure! Also Bunnymen and rap.

2009-09-17T00:01:00.004-04:00
This post is a little light on content but I believe the quality makes up for the quantity. It also gives me a chance to explain something.

I started this blog to highlight rare and hard-to-find recordings, primarily music you can't find on CD. When I started this blog a few years ago the pool from which to get tracks from was huge, but it's getting harder and harder to fulfill my original mission statement. Everything seems to be on CD (or iTunes/Amazon MP3 store) now! It's annoying! That is one of the reason why updates have slowed down recently (that and a booze-filled bender). Last week I bought 12'' singles by Depeche Mode, Simple Minds, Book Of Love and New Order - all of the tracks are on iTunes and CD now. This is all great for the artists, who deserve to have these tracks available, but it makes my job a little harder.

Now, as people have pointed out in the comment section, sometimes I put up stuff that is in-print/easily available. That's usually do to general ignorance on my part, or because it's not in print in the states, which is what really matters to me (and judging by my statcounter most of my visitors). Also sometimes I just let my rules be dammed because I feel like it, but that usually just applies to Depeche Mode. I'm careful though, I don't need another cease and desist from Steve Winwood.

My point is that you're probably going to start to see some lesser-known acts on The Lost Turntable. However, if I start to get into a good groove and find some interesting shit you'll also get more music. So it evens out.

And its all free for you anyways, so what do you care?

a-ha
The Sun Always Shines on T.V. (Extended Mix)
Driftwood
I was ecstatic that these tracks weren't on iTunes or any American-released compilation. I won't profess to being a huge a-ha fan (I only own a greatest hits) but "The Sun Always Shines On TV" is probably my favorite track of theirs that I have heard, yes even more than "Take On Me." It's a beautiful track and this extra-long version is even better. "Driftwood" is a good b-side as well, the lead singer is rocking a Bowie vibe a bit and it works for him.

Echo & The Bunnymen
~~Bring On The Dancing Horses (Extended Mix)~~
Yay extended Bunnymen singing about horses! Wow, when I say it like that I sound like a seven-year-old girl. Anyways, this is from a 12'' single.

The Cure
~~Why Can't I Be You? (12'' Version)~~
My favorite song by The Cure? Maybe, definitely my favorite Cure song that doesn't bring up painful memories of failed relationships. Seriously, how many people can't listen to "Lovesong" anymore? I'm not the only one I know it. This is from a 12'' single, which makes sense because it's the 12'' version.

J.J. Fad
~~Supersonic (Remix)~~
And now for something completely different. The first person who says that this track sounds like a Fergie song will get punched in the face. I will find you. This is from a 12'' single.

And I Don't Stop

2009-09-15T01:38:00.004-04:00
Need to add a disclaimer I thought was common sense (silly me) if you put a link to a song that isn't rare in the comment section, your comment isn't going to get approved.

I have a music blog so I think I'm required to comment on the VMAs. Okay, my thoughts...

It was a good night for great pop music. Beyonce's performance killed, but paled in comparison to the incredible trapeze act by Pink. That chick is awesome, she's like some crazy pop-punk Cyndi Lauper who could obviously kick my ass. She was also born seven days after me. Did her and whats-his-name actually break up? Yo Pink, call me.

Oh, and he-who's-Google-rank-I-will-not-raise is a dickface.

Shit. The Raiders just blew it. Meh.

The Pharcyde
~~Ya Mama (Murphy Mix)~~
Another group that I should know far more about than I do. I actually have a lot of Pharcyde vinyl, but most of it was obviously used by club DJs and they're torn to shit. This is the only mix I could salvage off of a 12'' single I picked up last week.

Cypress Hill
~~The Phuncky Feel One (Extended Version)~~
That is the stupidest spelling of "funky" I have ever seen. I kind of understand the ph but why the added c? Is that how you spell it if you're insane in the membrane? I shouldn't dis Cypress Hill that much, they might just come over to Pittsburgh and bust a cap in my ass. I got enough problems. This mix is from a 12'' single.

A Tribe Called Quest
~~Bonita Applebum (UK 12'' Mix)~~
Bonita Applebum (Hootie Mix)
Bonita Applebum (Why? Edit)
I Left My Wallet In El Segundo (Vampire Mix)
I suppose if a woman is going to have her posterior compared to a fruit, an apple is a good choice. The Vampire Mix of "I Left My Wallet in El Segundo" is kind of legendary. It's an epic reworking of a great song, which for some is more recognizable than the original (Lil' Wayne even sampled it). It's full of killer big beats as well, so it shouldn't be too big of a surprise to find out that it's from the king of big beats, Norman Cook AKA Fatboy Slim. This six-minute version is not on any CD as far as I know. All four of these tracks are from two different 12'' singles.

Worship the Digital Junkie God

2009-09-10T03:00:00.001-04:00
Nirvana
~~I Hate Myself And Want To Die~~

Okay, this is stupid:

What's stupider however, is the pseudo-outrage bullshit surrounding it. Apparently this is a travesty against humanity or something, Everett True's take on the situation explain seems to sum up the outrage:
Um. Grohl and Love sanctioned this one for the new Guitar Hero. So respect due to Grohl and Love then. Fucking corporate cock-sucking memory-destroying fret-wanking MTV-supporting fame-chasing money-grabbing grave-turning publicity-loving vacuous spoiled jaded cunting rock whores.

Apparently Everett True is important for some reason. He knew Cobain and he even introduced Kurt to Courtney (gee, thanks for that, guy). Good for him. That doesn't change the fact that the above statement written by him is an ignorant mess.

Where to begin, I guess with the whole "Grohl and Love sanctioned this one..." intro. I'm not going to get into Courtney Love's involvement with the game. She says she was tricked or whatever into Kurt's likeness being in the game. Who knows if that's true or not. I have no opinion or interest either way. However, I think trying to pin the blame on Dave Grohl is, well, really stupid.

Dave Grohl was the drummer for Nirvana and that is all. With the notable exception of Smells Like Teen Spirit and a very select few other tunes, he has no songwriting credits with the group. I am not downplaying Grohl's role in the band, I think he was an amazing drummer and no doubt contributed to the overall "vibe" of the group, but I digress. My point is that as the former drummer of Nirvana, his legal rights to Kurt Cobain's likeness are probably lacking at best. I'm fairly certain that is owned by Courtney, their daughter Frances and whatever other groups/lawyers/whatevers that have become associated with those two. To "blame" this on Grohl is pretty damned stupid. And supposed Grohl is to "blame" for this, well then that would make Krist Novoselic equally responsible, would it not? Why not pin the blame on him as well? As a commentor on True's blog wondered, is he just not famous enough to matter?

Of course True's implication in all of this is that it's some sort of tragedy, that this is something that Kurt would never ever want and that it's soiling the good name of Cobain. Of course, we don't know this for sure; you know why?

Because Kurt Cobain was a junkie who blew his brains out with a shotgun, abandoning his wife and infant daughter because he couldn't deal with reality anymore. That's a pretty big fucking stain on his legacy, don't you think? This is kind of minor in comparison.

Who the fuck knows what Cobain would have thought about this? Why does anyone fucking care? I'm not trying to downplay the importance of Cobain and Nirvana. Without Nirvana I would not be who I am, and I'm sure many out there reading this feel the same way. However, he was just a musician, and he was also a deeply flawed human being who let his own weaknesses, addictions and faults get the best of him in the end.

Assuming he hadn't killed himself who knows what he or Nirvana would be like today. Maybe they would have gone the Pearl Jam route, adopting a low-key persona in order to stay sane, or maybe he would have turned into a sad pathetic parody of himself like Billy Corgan has. Kurt was the sole creative force in Nirvana for the most part, maybe he would have fired Grohl and Krist and turned Nirvana into a glorified solo act? Maybe his desire for popular success (which he did have, sorry punk rockers) would have got the best of him, turning Nirvana into a Matchbox 20-style pop-rock band. Hell, maybe he would have embraced electronic music and create a new band with Fatboy Slim. We'll never know. And that sucks. And maybe it's about time we all got over it, appreciate the music he left behind, and move the fuck on.

The above track (way above) is the version of "I Hate Myself And Want To Die" that originally appeared on The Beavis And Butt-Head Experience, not the version that was on the With The Lights Out box set. If you want a shitload more Nirvana rarities I advise you to check out this post, which has all five Outcesticide bootlegs. Contrary to the comment at the bottom of that page, they all seem to work fine.

It should also be noted that Guitar Hero 5 has Matt Bellamy in it. And that is awesome. However his guitar doesn't shoot lasers. Which is kind of a let down.

It should also be noted that "cunting" is a stupid word, and anyone who tries to use it should be slapped.

Foo Fighters
~~FFL~~
Winnebago
Darling Nikki
Born On The Bayou
Band On The Run
Courtney doesn't appear to be a fan of the Foos, which is expected I suppose. They're still a great band, and one of the few American bands left that can consistently deliver high quality albums and sell out Arenas across the country. So give them some credit where credit is due. A greatest hits collection is due soon. And that's nice, but I'd much rather have a B-sides collection, since they have a fucking ton of them. The first two of the tracks above are b-sides, an the other three are covers (of varying quality) the files themselves will tell you where they are from. I am far to tired to. Quick side note, if you want to hear a really good cover by Grohl and co. check out their take on Gary Numan's "Down In The Park" which you can get on iTunes.

Bjork's Book Of Blondie Love

2009-09-09T01:47:00.001-04:00
Holy shit I'm back. Sober! Oh well. That might not last all week though (sorry mom)!

I'm also not feeling very talkative tonight, so I'll be keeping things brief. I'll be back to my ranting misanthropic self in a day or so. It's late.

Book Of Love
Boy (Peter Rauhoffer Club Mix)
Boy (Headrillaz Extended Vocal Mix)
Boy (Headrillaz Dub)
Boy (Dubaholics Mix)
Boy (Dubaholics Dub)
Boy (Peter Rauhoffer Dub)
Boy (RPO Remix)
I have a feeling this song is big with "the gays." I have no basis for that other than the fact than the lyric "I wanna be where the boys are" and the fact that one of my gay friends LOVES Book Of Love. Educated and mature I know. These are from a 2LP 12'' that came out in 2000 for som strange reason.

Bjork
~~I Miss You (R.H. Factor Lovely Mix)~~
This mix is quite good, although I think proclaiming it to be "lovely" is a bit egotistical of the remixer. I have more remixes of this song on vinyl, and if I ever get that record to play without skipping like it's on jello in the middle of an earthquake, I will share them with you all.

Blondie
~~Rapture (Guru's Fly Party Mix)~~
This is a very weird remix. I've had it for a very long time, so long that I forgot where I found it. It is however the only remix of "Rapture" you can't buy on iTunes, so I'm featuring it tonight. Much like the "lovely" mix, I think proclaiming this mix to be "fly" is a bit bold. It wouldn't got that far for sure. It's quite...groovy though.

Ten Years in the Twenties is Too Much

2009-09-06T02:53:00.002-04:00
You can thank the lack of updates last week thanks to me turning 30 and getting drunk as fuck.

More updates this week. Until then - enjoy the big egg.

Seriously. I've watched this video a billion times.

The Big Egg is a lot bigger.

The 1998 version of me is pumped

2009-08-27T00:55:00.004-04:00
I just found out that Stan Lee is coming to the Pittsburgh Comic-Con. I bought an extremely overpriced ticket to get his autograph. Which means I'm gonna meet Stan Lee.

I'm gonna meet Stan Lee!

Okay, variations of that statement are going to be a large part of what you read here for the next two weeks or so, deal with it.

The Black Ghosts
Repetition Kills You (Extended Mix)
Repetition Kills You (Phones - Chicago Boys Extradition Mix)
Repetition Kills You (Diplo Mix)
The Black Ghosts album is good, but this track is a fucking masterpiece. It's for sure going on my list of best tracks of the decade. It has everything a great dance track needs, its catchy as hell and features some amazing beats. The extended version is more of the same (the same being awesome) and the remixes are damn good too. Diplo's is very interesting, a great insturmental deconstruction of the track. I got this 12'' at Reckless Records in Chicago. Cool Place.

DeeJay Punk-Roc
Far Out (Rasmus Remix)
Rockin' It (Roc Raider Rockin' It Remix)
His name is DeeJay Punk-Roc, I found this 12'' in the rap section and the music is turntablist friendly big beat techno. Confused yet? What the hell happened to this guy? Anyone?

By the way, I'm going to meet Stan lee!

Emergency David Bowie Post

2009-08-25T01:38:00.004-04:00
Sometimes a David Bowie emergency arises, and his music must be posted. It happens.

David Bowie
~~Cat People (Putting Out Fire) (Australian Promo Extended Version)~~
This remix is not from me. It is from Dreamtimemix, the coolest MP3 blog on the motherfucking internet. I've been looking for this track for far too long, and it turned out that the guy behind this blog posted it a while ago. Becoming a total hypocrite, I begged him to repost it and he did. I'm putting it up to help give his servers a break. If you like it, go tell him how awesome he is.

There are a lot of different versions of this track, and this one is the rarest by far, only released in Australia, it's almost a full three minutes longer than the soundtrack version and over four minutes longer than the vastly inferior version that appears on Let's Dance. This amazing, truly classic track is getting a well-deserved second life now that Quentin Tarantino decided to put it in his latest flick, Inglourious Basterds. Describing how it's used would be a huge spoiler, but it fits the scene so well that it's almost like Tarantino wrote the script around its use, which actually would not surprise me. This song is a bloody masterpiece, download it. It's probably the best song that Bowie released in the 80s.

Bonus Bowie!
Sound + Vision (808 GiftMix)
Sound + Vision (808 'Lectric Blue Remix Instrumental)
Sound + Vision (David Richards Remix 1991)
Since I hate doing one song posts, here's a little bonus treat. In 1991 a four-track EP was released, credited to David Bowie vs. 808 State. It featured three remixes of the classic Bowie track (and the original version, which I am not posting), all presumably done by the legendary electronica group 808 State. These are great remixes and well worth the download.

I Bet You Think This...meh whatever.

2009-08-24T01:33:00.003-04:00
Things are finally starting to slow down after Lollapalooza. My backlog of work is dwindeling, and I've finally been able to record some of the stuff I picked up in Chicago. Expect some cool shit in the coming days. For tonight, the promised shitload of Janet Jackson remixes.

Janet Jackson
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Al B Rich Son Of A Club Mix)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Al B Rich Son Of A Club Radio Dirty)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Al B Rich Tribe A Pella)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Bad Boy In House Mix)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Cottonbelly Dub)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Cottonbelly Remix)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (P Diddy Remix)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (P Diddy Super Extended Mix Dirty)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Rock Remix Dirty)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Route 80 Remix)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (Ruff Mix)
Son of a Gun (I Betcha Think This Song Is About You) (The Original Flyte Tyme Remix)
That's 12 remixes of this song. I had more, but sorry, this is enough. The rest were clean cuts or instrumentals. I can only take so much of this tune, although I do love it. It's no "If" though. That song is an underrated classic. Well, maybe I think that because of the video. that one was an...education for me back in the day, let me tell you.

We're All Lollapawinners!

2009-08-17T23:29:00.008-04:00
I wrote a lot already about Lollapalooza. First I had to semi-live blog it at ESDmusic, and then I had to write in-depth reviews of every act I saw at Bullz-Eye. I'm kind of Lollapaloozed out. So I'm going to keep this brief. My photos are in the process of uploading to Flickr right now, so if you want more Lolla goodness I suggest you check them out.

I don't have much to say about the bands. Depeche Mode was AWESOME. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs made me lose my mind, The Killers were absolutely satisfactory. I don't have much to add about that. However, everyone who comes to this site knows that my review of a concert doesn't end with how I feel about the bands. No, I spend just as much time judging the audiences as I do the people that they are watching. In the past I have been...harsh on people. Crafting guides to concert etiquette not once, but twice. Concerts, especially large multi-day outdoor concerts are where I usually loose my faith in humanity thanks to drunken fratboys, socially inept hipsters and idiot teenybopper girls who think the world is their playground and treat everyone else like shit. Last year was especially bad, and I left with no hope for humanity as a whole.

This year, was another story entirely.

People were actually...nice. I know, it's just as weird for me to say it as it is for you to read it, but I actually had a good time talking to interacting with the people around me this time. Sure, there were a few jers *cough*Tool fans*cough* who talked too much, wanted to start shit and tried to strong arm their way through the crowds, but for the most part everyone was cool. And if they weren't cool they were usually nice when I called them out on it. Some dudes were chatting up a storm during Depeche Mode and I asked the to please be quiet or move...and they actually apologized and shut up! I've never seen that before! I guess if you're going to be an idiot you can be a nice one.

I even had my faith in humanity restored a couple times near the end of the festival on Sunday. The first time came during Dan Deacon. I posted a video to this before and if you haven't watched it I suggest you do so. It's Deacon performing "Jack And Jill" while one of his bandmates was in a cleared circle in the audience, basically serving as a conductor telling the masses what to do (raise your hands, wave, clap, etc.) near the end of his bit he started throwing stuff up in the air. Frist only a few pieces of paper came up, then a decent-sized volley of water bottles were tossed, but then a freaking wave of water bottles filled the sky. It wasn't a vindicitive maneuver intended to harm, but a celebratory statement by the crowd. It was beautfiul man. After the show I managed to find Deacon outside packing up. I ran upto him, shook his hand and said "Holy shit your show blew my fucking mind!" His reaction led me to believe he gets that a lot.

Later on I got my spot for The Killers. Next to me was a 14-year-old kid and his dad who bought day passeses because the kid loves The Killers. They're not his favorite band however, that would be Nirvana. Little dude was even rocking a Nirvana t-shirt.

Okay, call me sentimental, overly sensitive or whatever, but seeing that kicked ass. After watching hundreds of emo kids with stupid hats and Hot Topic shoes walk by, finding one kid who still believed that Nirvana was the greatest fucking rock band in the world kind of gave me a little bit of hope for the future. I told the kid to pick up some Dinosaur Jr., Mudhoney and Pixies in order to increase his grunge knowledge. He seemed excited to find out about bands that influenced Kurt and company.

Go little dude go.

Depeche Mode
Corrupt (Efdemin Remix)
In Chains (Minilogue's Earth Remix)
Little Soul (Thomas Fehlmann Flowing Ambient Mix)
Jezebel (SixToes Remix)
Perfect (Electronic Periodic's Dark Drone Mix)

Oh, and this just in. DEPECHE MODE WAS FUCKING AWESOME. These are remixes from the bonus disc that came with the Super-Ultra-Omega Deluxe version of Sounds Of The Universe.

Post Lolla New Age Jams

2009-08-14T00:32:00.004-04:00
So last year after Lollapalooza I ended up with some sort of viral infection and nearly died from dehydration and a fever of 103. This year I ended up having to drive to Milwaukee so I don't know which is worse.

I just got back home today and my bed is looking mighty inviting, so not much in the way of Lollaplaooza ranting/raving tonight. However, I did contribute to the team coverage over at Bullz-Eye. Read it. Love it. I have some more to say and I'll do that here sometime next week. I'll also have some amazingly awesome photos to share with you all then too.

Until then here's some Mike Oldfield. Yes, I said Mike Oldfield. I don't know why. Just go with it okay? I don't tell you how to run your mp3 blog.

One more quick thing. I talked to many cool people at Lollapalooza this year and I told them all to come read this awesome site. If Jose from the Dan Deacon show or that Nirvana-loving kid from The Killers show are reading this, email me (the address is to the right) because I want to hook you guys up with some cool tunes.

Mike Oldfield
Far Above The Clouds (Jam & Spoon Mix)
Far Above The Clouds (Timewriter's Big Bag Of Secrets Mix)
Far Above The Clouds (Jam & Spoon Deep Inside Club Mix)
Far Above The Clouds (Jam & Spoon Far Below The Bass Mix)
What do you call this stuff? New Age? Trance? Neoclassical? Whatever it is it is very good and will help me unwind tonight so I can sleep for 10 hours in my own bed. These are from a 12'' single I picked up eons ago but never got around to recording. I hope you enjoy.

Dan Deacon is Techno Jesus

2009-08-10T00:43:00.000-04:00

Full update later this week.

What did you do tonight?

2009-08-08T00:51:00.002-04:00
I didn't do much....

Other than seeing Depeche Motherfucking Mode!

Mini-report to be placed here in a few hours.

I'm gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza!

2009-08-05T00:34:00.006-04:00
It is that time of the year again, Lollapalooza beacons me! I'm stoked for The Killers, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, TV On The Radio, Arctic Monkeys, Dan Deacon, Passion Pit and oh yeah, who's that other group?

Oh that's right, motherfucking Depeche Mode!

I'm so excited I might shit. I should pack extra shorts.

Sorry for that unneeded comment. Long time visitors of this site know that my blog kind of shuts down for Lollapalooza, so don't expect another update until the end of next week, since I'll be busy writing about Lollapalooza. If you can't wait for my amazing recap you can check out last year's at Bullz-Eye.com to wet you appetite and you can follow me on Twitter that weekend, where I will occasionally be posting worthless comments. Yes, I know I've bashed Twitter, but it is a convenient way for me to take notes, I sure as hell am not going to take my laptop to that place. It's certainly a better use for the site than what I've used it for in the past, which is to engage in meaningless Twitter fights with idiotic manic-depressing Trent Reznor stalkers who never go outside and find joy in the death of heart patients.

Long story. Anyways, enjoy the tunes. Sorry I haven't gotten around to the second half of that Janet Jackson post, I will soon I promise.

Die Krupps with Nitzer Ebb
The Machineries of Joy (Wahre-Arbett Mix)
The Machineries of Joy (Die Krupps Mix)
The Machineries of Joy (True Work Mix)
Join the Rhythm of Machines
I know very little about Die Krupps, and I only know slightly more about Nitzer Ebb. I do know that this song kicks ass though, makes me want to punch someone, which admittedly isn't that difficult right now. These are from a 12'' single.

The Jungle Brothers
I'll House You '98 (Anthony & Skribble Vocal Club Mix)
I'll House You '98 (Anthony & Skribble Feel da Drum Mix)
I'll House You '98 (Peter Presta's Vocal Mix)
I'll House You '98 (Original Girl I'll House You)
Jungle Brother (True Blue) [Urban Takeover Remix]
We Got It Goin' On (Urban Takeover Mix)
I don't know what "I'll house you" means, but it sounds dirty, so I support it. I guess it makes sense, you can "rock" someone after all. I think we should start making other musical genres verbs. This weekend I plan will "electro" someone, then if anyone gives me grief about it I will "new wave" them. It's the only way they'll learn. They just better hope I don't "tech-house" them, they might never walk again.

And on that retarded note wish me luck in my trip to Chicago. See you all next week.

Constructive Criticism is a Pain in my Ass

2009-08-01T13:26:00.006-04:00
So if you read my last post you probably figured out that I'm not a fan of Black Devil Doll. I stand by my comments about the movie, it is the worst, least entertaining movie I have ever seen, and the fact that anyone out there likes it kind of makes me feel bad about the human race.

HOWEVER, I do agree with some of the comments made in that I kind of went too far with my "personal" attacks on the filmmakers. Wishing horrible things upon people isn't exactly a classy move on my part, so I issue a retraction. I don't wish death, dismemberment, whatever on the makers of Black Devil Doll. They made a movie, I hated it (a lot) but that doesn't make them horrible people. They've actually been very classy in their response to my horribly evil review of their horrible film. I was kind of being a troll (on my own site no less!) for attention and hits. It was overkill and not needed.

There's another review of Black Devil Doll that brings up a point that I wish I had (even though they liked the movie), and that's the fact the movie is incredibly lazy. There was no real effort put forth to make the film once they got the idea. They didn't bother to find talented actors, they didn't bother to make the film look good, they didn't really bother to do much of anything. That's the main problem with the film, it gives off an air of apathy upon the filmmakers, and if they didn't care about the movie, why should you care enough to see it?

Damn I hate eating crow.

Now here's some industrial music.

Front Line Assembly
Millennium (1,000 Years of Decay Remix)
Millennium (Left in Ruins Remix)
Transtime
Millennium (Until Death Remix)
I always get these guys mixed up with Front 242, which makes sense. These are from a 12'' single.

Front 242
Work 242 N.Off is N.Off
Agony [Until Death]
Work 242
Never Stop! V 1.1
I always get these guys mixed up with Level 42, which does not make any sense in the least. Just had an awesome idea though; how about a Front Line Assembly, Front 242, Level 42 mash-up? That would be awesome. These are also from a 12'' single.

Laibach
Sympathy For The Devil
Sympathy For The Devil (Anastasia)
Sympathy For The Devil (Who Killed The Kennedys)
Only one of these versions is technically by Laibach, the other two are credited to Germania and 30,000 VK. But since both those bands are just different incarnations of Laibach I figured that's just splitting hairs. The (Who Killed The Kennedys) version is the only one that sounds remotely like the original. But all are very...interesting. From a 12'' picture disc.

Black Devil Doll is the worst movie ever made.

2009-07-30T01:24:00.012-04:00
Edit: I've issued a retraction on some of the more disgusting things I said in this rant. I've left the offensive material in this review because I don't want people to accuse me of trying to hiding my mistakes. The excessive comments have been ~~crossed out~~.

If you just want the music scroll waaaaay down. This is epic rant.

Right outside of Pittsburgh in a town called Oakmont there's a theater called The Oaks. It's been around over have a century, has a great screen, affordable ticket prices and a friendly staff. Throughout the year they have special midnight movie nights, where they show “classic” flicks like Jaws, The Thing and Vertigo. I go there almost every weekend.

Last weekend they had a special double feature. First up was the 1975 blaxploitation classic Dolemite. That was going to be followed with a new film called Black Devil Doll. The director was even going to show up for it. I knew about the legend of Dolemite and had to see it, but I knew very little about Black Devil Doll so I looked it up beforehand. Here's the description from the film's official site:
"A young, moist, buxom teen vixen finds herself hurled into an odyssey of forbidden sex and unspeakable violence after an innocent evening dabbling in the occult. What started as a simple child's game has now become a fight for her life! What is this evil that she has summoned from beyond? And why does it have a fro? What kind of horrific acts will she be subjected to? And what price will her super-hot, half-nude friends have to pay? But more importantly, how much Caucasian blood will have to be shed to stop....the BLACK DEVIL DOLL?!!"

Five naive young women are raped, abused, tortured, and killed(?) by an evil jive-ass talking ventriloquist doll possessed by the spirit of an executed black militant death row inmate.

Who will survive? What will be left of them? Will their virginity be intact?

It's Chucky meets Dolemite in this violent, misogynistic, sleazy horror film directed by up and coming genre director Jonathan Lewis.

Not intended for children. Black Devil Doll features totally awesome scenes of murder and rape! No one under 17 will be admitted!
Okay, sounds awesome right? After witnessing the magic that was Dolemite I sat down and braced myself for some horribly offensive, sex-crazed, murder-fueled insanity.”

A scant 73 minutes later I got up, confident that I had seen the worst piece of shit ever to be projected onto a film screen.

Black Devil Doll is a unequivocal mess. Pure, unbridled bullshit from beginning to end. There is nothing good about the film, nothing at all. The acting is shit, the direction (if you can call it that) is shit, the cinematography, special effects, gore, sex scenes, pacing...you name it, it sucks without equal.

It is the single worst film I have ever seen. No contest. Nothing comes close. I've never seen a movie as bad as Black Devil Doll in my entire life and I am confident that I never will.

This movie is worse than the second two Basket Case movies, Troll 2, Hobgoblins, The Garbage Pail Kids movie, Myra Breckinridge, Caddyshack II, Blues Brothers 2000, Waterworld, Iron Eagle 2, Wolverine, and Showgirls, Critters 4, Howard The Duck, Jaws The Revenge, Robocop 3, Exocist II, Deuce Bigalow, End Of Days, Highlander II, Highlander III, Anacondas, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, Godzilla (1998), Lost In Space, Look Who's Talking Too, Spawn, Child's Play 3, Armageddon, Star Wars: Episode I, Men in Black 2, Planet Of The Apes (remake), Event Horizon, Vulgar, Zombie Strippers, Demonia, Caligula, The Burbs, Alien Vs. Predator, Art School Confidential, Anatomy of Hell, Chocolat, The Dead Next Door, Cool World, Cobra, Daddy Day Care, Doomsday, Garfield the Movie, Frogs, Gummo, Happiness, The Haunting, Gone In 60 Seconds (remake), Hollow Man, Leviathan, Man-Thing, King Kong Lives, Johnny Mnemonic, The Ninth Gate, Snuff, Species II, Street Figher, Radio, Powder, Pootie Tang, Wolf Creek, Van Helsing, and every film by Uwe Boll, Uli Lommell and Fred Olen Ray combined.

There's nothing in this film that redeems it, no matter what you are seeing it for. Like gruesome gore and murder scenes? Too bad, the death scenes in Black Devil Doll are poorly directed and feature little more than some cheapo fake blood and some taped on gore prosthetics that you can get at Spencers for 20 bucks.

Like naked chicks? Good luck getting aroused by the disgusting chicks here. The main actress is marginally cute but she's forced to squeeze into a top two sizes too small, creating the always unappealing muffin top effect. The other girls are all mutilated with horrible plastic surgery and cheap boob jobs that left gigantic scars. The only thing worse than the girls' fake tits is their acting, one imagines that there were cue cards right off camera, but I doubt these idiots could read.

What about tongue-in-cheek campy dialogue? There's none of that either, in fact most of the movie has no dialogue at all aside from variations of the line “I'm gonna fuck that bitch” coming from the puppet.

So Black Devil Doll fails as a horror film, softcore porno and comedy. But does it work as a bad movie? Some flicks obtain a cult status solely because they are bad. Troll 2, Plan 9, Showgirls, they're all classic because they're (unintentionally) hysterical. So maybe there's some salvage to be found here? Can Black Devil Doll be appreciated ironically?

Sadly no.

Most movies that are so bad their good have a certain charm to them. When you watch an Ed Wood movie you can tell that he thought he was making the best movie of all time. When you watch Showgirls you can tell the people involved with that mess thought they were making some sort of erotic masterpiece, and when you watch Troll 2 you can just marvel at the surrealness of it all and find some enjoyment. You'll find no such enjoyment watching Black Devil Doll. It's just sad.

I'm sure some of you are thinking that I'm just hating on Black Devil Doll because I'm easily offended by graphic sexual violence and gore. Not the case. I usually love it! I own Hanzo The Razor, that's a movie where the HERO rapes women to get information out of them. I have Strip Nude For Your Killer, in which the hero “jokingly” tries to anally rape his girlfriend. I love giallos, I adore Japanese sleaze, I bath in grindhouse trash. It's all awesome. This isn't. The sex and violence in Black Devil Doll didn't offend me, it just bored me.

What did offend me about Black Devil Doll is that it got produced, made and released when there are no doubt better scripts by better filmmakers that can't get made. There are thousands of talented filmmakers out there just dying for a break, and Jonathan Lewis, the director (ha!) of Black Devil Doll, isn't one of them.

This is a man that knows nothing about film making, not a single fucking thing. He shot Black Devil Doll on digital video, and someone should buy him a drink, because he somehow made cheap DV look even worse than it usually does. The camera shakes when it shouldn't; there's glare on everything; and the actresses are covered in very unappealing shadows, which do nothing to help their already disgusting faces. Lewis doesn't even know the basics of direction. Do you know what coverage is? An establishing shot? The 180 degree rule? If and of you readers at home answered yes to any of these questions then congratulations, you are better director than Jonathan Lewis!

Dialogue is shot in extreme close-ups, accentuating the horrible lighting on the actresses faces that I already spoke of. The gore is also given the extreme close-up treatment even when it's just a blood of fake blood (where there should be a massive knife wound). He uses frequent music montages with split screen and cheap transition effects to fill time and cover for his own lack of style and ability. A good director can use his talents to hide poor special effects, cheap locations and even bad acting. But Johnathan Lewis isn't a good director, he's a piece of shit with a DV camera.

Speaking of no talent hack pieces of shit...his brother, an idiot by the name of Shawn Lewis, wrote the film with another asshole by the name of Mitch Mayes. When he's not working on shit like Black Devil Doll, Mayes releases the Brawlin' Broads DVDs, a series of fetish videos that feature women fighting. Classy guy. I could go into detail about the problems with the script of this movie, but that would be a waste since it obviously didn't have one. Lets just say that the average porno has better dialogue than the bullshit here. The both of them did manage to fit in various plugs to their other endeavors though, including the Brawlin' Boards videos and their t-shirt company.

Like I said, classy.

I'm sure all this vitriol by me has made you curious, but please AVOID BLACK DEVIL DOLL. Avoid it at all costs. It is lower than bullshit, worse than anything you could imagine. A travesty, a blight on humanity, a sorry pathetic excuse of a movie made by a talentless losers ~~who should get their balls torn off so they never fucking breed~~. Edit: Okay, maybe that was a little harsh.

When I was leaving the theater last Friday a friend I was with called the movie a cinematic abortion, but calling it that is not only an insult to cinema but an insult to abortion.

Fuck Black Devil Doll. Fuck Jonathan Lewis. Fuck Shawn Lewis. Fuck Mitch Mayes. Fuck any worthless piece of shit who worked on it. I honestly wish the worst on all of them. They are disgusting, wastes of life who are using up valuable natural resources just by virtue of their existence. When they all die the world will be a better place. Edit: Also, maybe a little much on my part.

Oh, and remember how I said that the director of the movie was supposed to be present? Well, Lewis was a no show. Good thing too, or you all would have read about his death at the hands of a large angry white man from Pittsburgh.

Fuck this movie.

Now listen to some Janet Jackson.

Janet Jackson
If (D&D 7'' Mix)
If (Tee's Radio Mix)
If (Brothers In Rhythm House Mix)
If (D&D 12" Mix)
If (TNT Bass Mix)
If (Brothers In Rhythm Dub)
If (Brothers In Rhythm Swing Yo Pants Mix)
If (Extended Mix)
If (Janet's Jeep Mix)
If (D&D 12'' JDD Mix)
If (Tee's Freeze Mix)
If (Wicked Mix)
If (Tee's Capella)
Thanks to those who made this post possible.

I Hopped my Hip Off

2009-07-24T00:53:00.004-04:00
Okay, now everyone look to your right. See where it says "Disclaim This!" Okay, read that. Do you see my email address now? Good. And I don't have an "@" and ".com" by it because if I did I'd get even more spam than I already do.

Now let us get with the busy with some alternative and instrumental hip-hop. No more posts until next Wednesday, so enjoy the rare grooves.

Saul Williams
Purple Pigeons (feat. Wood Harris)
Purple Pigeons (Instrumental)
Saul Williams isn't from this planet. He's from a magical alien world with slam poetry and dope beats. If all you know from Saul is the Nike commercial then you need to get educated. Buy The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust and prepare to have your mind blown with fucking knowledge. His first two albums are fucking great too. As are his books, and his acting turn in Slam. Dude's a Renaissance Man with facepaint. These tracks are the b-sides to "Penny For A Thought."

The Dirty Birds
Old To The New Ones
The Skateland Killa
Pryor Convictions (Deeds Plus Thoughts Mix)
Pryor Convictions (Raw Beats And Lyrics Mix)
Pryor Convictions (Los Chicarrons Remix)
The Dirty Birds area duo, made up of RJD2 and Poppa Hop. These are good tunes. The quality is a little scratchy on a few, but it adds to their old school ambiance, so don't complain. Download them, listen to them, like them. I have nothing to say about them, however I do have a story about RJD2.

I have a friend who had a Yamaha CS-80 sitting in his basement for a long time. He bought it for next to nothing. More information on the CS-80 here, but for those of you who want the cliff notes, the CS-80 is an INSANELY rare old-school synthesizer that has several features that appeal to hardcore old-school instrumentalists. it goes for a lot of money. I'd tell you to go to eBay and look it up, but you can't because no one is selling them. It is mind-numbingly rare. Not only are they rare, but they are finicky bastards and break with extreme prejudice. My friend's worked, not only that, it had barely been used ever. So when he decided that he wanted to sell it online he got a lot of responses. One of many people interested in the machine was RJD2 himself. My friend dealt with RJ for a while, but got a better offer from someone else and had to inform Mr. D2 that the synth was not going to him. If you check out the Wikipedia page on the CS-80 you will see that RJD2 is still not a "notable user" of the CS-80. He probably still doesn't have one.

So, long story short, RJD2 probably wants to kill my best friend.

High Priest
0000
Ghost In The Drummachine
00000
Stimulus Stimulator
Industrial glitch dub drum and bass electro mindfuck. I got nothing else to say.

Sucka MCs Should Call Me Sometime

2009-07-23T01:30:00.003-04:00
First of all, shout outs to everyone who hooked me up with those Janet Jackson remixes. I will be hosting them myself in a few days, so if you can't get the files from the comment section just hold tight.

Now, without further ado here is my promised totally amazing old-school(ish) hip-hop post. Next up will be some ultra-bizarre/obscure/alternative hip-hop, which I hope to get up tomorrow. Until then, peace out my homies.

2 Live Crew
We Want Some Pussy (89' House Mix)
We Want Some Pussy (The Classic "Dance")
We Want Some Pussy (Liberty City Long Hard Mix)
We Want Some Pussy (Live In Concert)
So many things to talk about with this one. There's the label art (classy), this AMAZING brochure I found in the sleeve, and ever-present 2 Live Crew disclaimer, "Unauthorized duplication wil get you messed up by the The Ghetto Style DJs." Then there's the song itself, a classic if there ever was one. Actually, no sarcasm aside this is a pretty damn good old-school rap song and you can't deny that it's catchy as hell. The house remix is full of recognizable samples, it has the James Brown "Oh! Yeah!" that you probably know from "It Takes Two" as well as a synth note from "Trans-Europe Express"/"Planet Rock." The Liberty City mix also has a kickin' guitar riff, but I can't place it. If anyone knows where that sample came from please let me know. Be warned, this is 20 plus minutes of "We Want Some Pussy." After listening to all 20 minutes multiple times it's fairly obvious to me that these motherfuckers wanted their fucking pussy. I hope they got it.

Run D.M.C.
King Of Rock (Cut-Up Mix)
Call up a friend when you're listening to this one and when they ask you what you're doing say, "Listing to the best track of all time motherfucker, what are YOU doing?" Taken from a 12'' single.

Beastie Boys
Intergalactic (Instrumental)
Intergalactic (The Strawberry Bath and Jelly Soles Instrumental Version)
Super-bummed about MCA's cancer diagnosis. Was stoked to see these guys kick it old school (really old school, dudes are over 40) at Lollapalooza this year. But I guess that will have to wait. Word just came out that The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are replacing them as headliners that day. That's cool, but they better do a cover of "Sabotage" in tribute. These instrumentals are from a 12''.

Mix Master Mike
Can of Ass Kicks (2 min Itchy Flea Bonus)
Bangzilla (Instrumental)
The i Micronaut
Can't mention The Beasties without mentioning The Mix Master. These are B-sides from a couple of 12'' singles. For more Mix Master goodness check out the live video for "Three MCs and One DJ."

What Have I Done For Me Lately?

2009-07-20T01:23:00.002-04:00
To the person who shared the Aphrodite remixes, thank you so much! I only had them in mix form, not as separate tracks. I'm stoked.

Since that worked out so well for me I'm going to request some music for a change! That's right, I'm a hypocrite! So I'm looking for a few rare tracks. Anyone who shares them will have their wildest wishes come true. Or I'll hook them up with some rare tracks of their choice, whichever. They are:

David Bowie - Cat People (Putting Out Fire): I'm looking for the super-long 8:20 version that was only on the Australian single.

Janet Jackson - Any official remixes of "If" and "Son Of a Gun."

Like I said, any help in finding these would be rewarded.

I'm planning a series of incredibly awesome hip-hop posts, so tonight's post is kind of sparse. I'll make up for it soon.

Janet Jackson
Nasty (Cool Summer Mix Part I)
Nasty (Cool Summer Mix Part II)
I said I was done posting Michael Jackson songs, I never said anything about Janet. Stop me though if I start posting La Toya remixes. Part II is more of a megamix, incorporating "What Have You Done For Me Lately" and some other Control tunes, still good though. However, this is 18 minutes of "Nasty" when combined, which is far more of Janet Jackson's Nasty than you could ever want. And yes, I realize how gross the term "Janet Jackson's Nasty" sounds when using "nasty" as a noun. About three and half minutes in there's a slight jump in the recording that I just couldn't fix. It's barely noticeable though.

Arcadia
Election Day (Consensus Mix)
Election Day (Cryptic Cut [No Voice] Mix)
Election Day (Fact & Story Mix)
Goodbye Is Forever [Extended Mix)
Goodbye Is Forever [Dub Mix)
I was actually accumulating a solid collection of Arcadia singles when someone sent me a link to a torrent that had all of them. I'm still working on completing my collection, but these files sound a hell of a lot better than my vinyl rips, so I'm going to post them instead. After I do my mega-awesome-hip-hop posts I'll put up the rest of these tracks.

Did anyone ever find out if Annie was okay?

2009-07-14T00:45:00.002-04:00
Fuckers from Hair are on Conan right now dancing in the audience. Hey guys, 1967 called, the 60s are over, take your hippie dippie bullshit and cram it.

God I hate that damned musical...

Anyways, here are the remaining Michael Jackson remixes I promised. This Is It. No more...unless I somehow find more 12'' singles.

Billie Jean (Dirty Funker's "This Is Not It" Remix)
Billie Jean (This Dirty Dub Remix)
These were from a bootleg 12'' single, by a guy calling himself the Dirty Funker. It's a red record and the artwork on the label cribs art from the planned This Is It series of concerts (the beginning of this mix even samples the press conference announcing the This Is It shows). They're kind of pointless, but the techno bass-heavy beats aren't too bad.

Smooth Criminal (Extended Dance Mix)
Smooth Criminal (Extended Dance Mix Radio Edit)
Smooth Criminal (Annie Mix)
Smooth Criminal (Dub Mix)
Smooth Criminal (A Capella)
I think I mentioned before that "Smooth Criminal" is one of my favorite Michael Jackson songs. I was going to declare it my favorite of all time, but it'll have to tie with Beat It, Billie Jean, PYT, Dirty Diana, Leave me Alone, Give In To Me, Jam, Scream, Morphine (check it out, it's a pretty rad tune that you probably haven't heard), Earth Song, and They Don't Really Care About Us (you try to pick a favorite Michael Jackson song, it's not easy!)

However, "Smooth Criminal" is without a doubt my favorite Michael Jackson video. But make sure you watch the best version. The most complete version of the Smooth Criminal video is part of the movie Moonwalker, which is not available in America. Luckily there's YouTube. The version that most people know is this one, which is just a hair shorter than the Moonwalker cut, taking out some of the crazy-ass moaning interpretive dance that's in the middle. Above everything avoid this version, which is a poorly edited, sped-up version. I'm not the only person who thinks Smooth Criminal is Michael's magnum video opus, check out this hysterical review of the Moonwalker movie by That Guy With Glasses, one of my favorite pop culture critics on the web.

I previously posted the extended mix, but this one is a direct rip from the vinyl single I picked up, as are the additional remixes.

Who Is It (Patience Mix)
Who Is It (The Most Patient Mix)
Who Is It (IHS Mix)
Who Is It (P-Man Dub)
Who Is It (Brothers In Rhythm House Mix)
Who Is It (Tribal Version)
Who Is It (Brothers Cool Dub)
Who Is It (Lakeside Dub)
This isn't one of my favorite Michael Jackson tunes, and is probably my second-least favorite song off of Dangerous (the first is In The Closet - I actively hate that song). However, some of these remixes are quite good. My favorite is the Brothers In Rhythm House Mix, which transforms the song into an ultra-corny 90s house track. Moby would love it.

Beat It (Moby's Sub Mix)
Well speak of the bald devil! This is an odd one. This originally appeared as the B-side to the American version of the Who Is It single, but it later popped up on the soundtrack to Zoolander for some strange reason. With many of the Dangerous singles it seemed that MJ was taking his back catalog and giving some prominent electronic artists of the time a go. Moby got "Beat It," the Brothers in Rhythm got "Wanna Be Startin' Something" and Masters at Work got to mix "Rock With You." I haven't heard any of these mixes aside from this Moby one, so if anyone wants to post a link to some in the comments section I would be most appreciative.

I think I'm the only person in the world who likes this remix of Beat It. It's definitely odd and not for everyone, but give it a chance, Moby deconstructs the shit out it, shifting the guitar solo to the front, chopping up the synth opening of the original and making the verses very sparse, cutting out everything but a simple beat and Micheal's voice.

DnB Hip Hop and stuff (too tired for title)

2009-07-09T00:18:00.005-04:00
My god am I having a shit week. Anyone else out there watch the Michael Jackson Memorial? Anyone else out there sob uncontrollably when Paris Jackson took the mic at the end? I didn't...nope...not at all...I just had...um...allergies. Yeah, that's it.

I was happy to see the response to my post about eMusic. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person who noticed their bullshit. If you're like me and used eMusic to pick up electronic music I recommend checking out BeatPort, they'll a little pricier than eMusic but their selection is amazing, great sound quality too.

Not a lot to say about the music tonight, I got some good shit coming up either later this week or early next week, including more Michael Jackson. I know I said I wouldn't post anymore but I just picked up some sweet 12'' singles that must share. Until then enjoy some alternative hip-hop and gay synth-pop.

A Tribe Called Quest vs. AK1200 - Buggin' Out (One Too Many Joints Mix)
Boogie Down Productions vs. Mark Pritchard - Necessary (Mark Pritchard Mix)
Fu-Schnickens vs. Pimp Juice - Ring The Alarm (Pimp Juice's Magic Mix)
Whodini vs. DJ Swingsett & J. Warrin - One Love (High Bias Mix)
These are from a 12'' called Old School vs. New School Vol. 2. I have Volume 1 somewhere but it's all scratched to hell. Maybe I'll dig it out of my crates one day and try to re-record it. These are pretty bitchin' remixes, they take these old school rap songs and transform them into crazy drum and bass tracks. I particularly dig the remix of "Ring The Alarm." On a related note, I frequently get asked to recommend good new drum and bass so I thought I'd give a shout out to the new compilation by Hospital Records Sick Music. Very diverse collection of some of the best that amazing label has to offer. Pick it up.

Pet Shop Boys
"Brits" Medley
This isn't the actual medley that the Pet Shop Boys performed at the Brits, it's a studio version of it. It was a bonus track for anyone who pre-ordered the iTunes version of the album. That's 2x the exclusive and 2x the BS for those who don't use that shitty service.

Jungle Brothers
Jungle Brother (Stereo MC's Mix)
What "U" Waitin' "4"? (Jungle Fever Mix)
I'll admit my ignorance and confess to my complete lack of knowledge when it comes to The Jungle Brothers, aside from the fact that they are totally awesome and that I need to buy Done By The Forces Of Nature sometime very soon. These are from a couple of 12''.

Furries, eMusic and Def Leppard (in that order)

2009-07-07T01:54:00.001-04:00
Okay, tonight I have a very schizophrenic post for you all.

First things first, I went to AnthroCon this weekend, the largest furry convention in the world. Now, I am not a furry, but the con was literally 10 minutes from my house and since one of my best friends from college (who is a furry) was coming in for it I thought I'd go with to see what all the furry fuss was about.

It was...weird. I don't get it and I don't think I ever will. However, they night they had a rave, and I love me some techno. I also figured this would be a great chance to get some amazingly bizarre video and I was right, so check out my YouTube channel for furry insanity on the dance floor.

On the completely other end of the spectrum, I'm pissed off about something. Shocker I know.

I don't buy a lot of music online, I prefer to own a physical copy of my tunes, primarily because I don't trust my hard drive but also because I think not having a physical copy devalues the music experience (it's complicated and not the point of tonight's rant). When I do buy music online I generally buy it from eMusic. I've been a subscriber to eMusic for years now and have always found their monthly subscription plan options to be a great deal. For years I on a $19.99 monthly plan that gave me 75 tracks. That's a partly 26 cents a track. Bitchin'.

I love eMusic not only because of how cheap the music is, but because of the music they have available. It's a great place to pick up electronic music, I found a ton of excellent and hard to find drum 'n' bass, experimental electronica and other odd shit that sure as hell wouldn't be on iTunes.

But things on eMusic are changing. This month they added Sony's back catalog to their service. So now in addition to downloading the latest tracks by Venetian Snares, Ed Rush and Dan Deacon, I can get vintage Bruce Springsteen, The Clash and even Pearl Jam. Sounds awesome right? Oh hell no.

First of all in order to do this they had to change their pricing. My $19.99 a month plan no longer exists, it was replaced by a $20.79 plan. That doesn't sound to bad right? Well, they also cut 25 tracks out of that deal. Now I only get 50. Although it's not 50 tracks, it's 50 "credits."

Before this every track cost the same, and everything was priced per track. So if you bought a 5-track EP it took five download off your limit, if you bought an album that had 30 tracks, it cost you 30 downloads. There were problems with that system to be sure (you wouldn't buy classical music or a mix CD with that set up) but it allowed me to score a shitload of EPs dirt-cheap, and you would occasionally find an epic one-track CD, netting you an hour or so of music for the cost of a single download.

Now its by credits, individual songs still cost one credit, but if you elect to buy by the album your pricing will vary. Sometimes its good, most regular length albums cost 12 credits, even if they have upwards of 18 songs. That's like getting six songs for free. However, there are some massive fuckups with this system. Want this 3 Song Sampler by Foo Fighters, that'll be 12 credits. Why? Who knows . What about the two track Springsteen single for "My Hometown"? That'll set you back 12 credits as well. Ditto goes for the Franz Ferdinand remix EP, four tracks - 12 credits.

You may be thinking "well, I'll just download the one song I like off the album then." Well...fuck you that's not going to happen. Many (so very many) of the albums feature "album only" tracks. So if you want "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" off of My Hometown, you have to spend 12 credits. On my plan that's about $4.92. On iTunes you can buy that song for 99 cents.

Then there's the labeling of the songs themselves, check out that Franz Ferdinand EPs again, notice anything odd about them? There's no remix information! So if I want to know who did the remix of "Do You Want To" I have to go to iTunes. And not only does iTunes have that information, you can also buy each track individually there! And don't even get me started on the problems with the Michael Jackson singles, holy shit what a mess.

The reasoning behind the "album only" downloads is complete bullshit as well. As expected many long tracks are unavailable without buying the whole album. This is not unique to eMusic, iTunes does the same thing. In both cases it's total bullshit but whatever. But check this out. "Sweet Dreams" is an album only download. Why? Because they know that everyone wants that track the most, so they make it impossible to download separately.

Then there's the mess all these additions has made to the category system. I mentioned before that I go to eMusic to pick up new electronic music, now when I browse that section I have to wade through new "electronic" acts like Mariah Carey, C&C Music Factory and Bette fucking Midler. Who the fuck goes to eMusic to buy Mariah Carey?

To me this is a legendary example of not knowing your customer base. When eMusic started they were they only online music store that offered DRM-free MP3s. Because of this many major labels wouldn't deal with them. They adapted, branding themselves as the online store for independent music. In doing so they built up quite a user base of discerning music fans, people who seek out hard-to-find or under-the-radar acts. The people who buy music at eMusic buy Dinosaur Jr., Spoon and Cat Power, they do not buy shit like The Fray, Chevelle, Ted Nugent or Mariah Fucking Carey.

And there's more bullshit too, how about removing unlimited redownloading, not allowing some albums to be downloaded with free trial credits and not allowing most of the new expanded catalog to be available in countries other than the US (they still get the fucked up new pricing scheme though).

I understand that I'm still getting a deal most of the time when compared to the prices of other services like Amazon or iTunes, but for every dealI can find there's usually at least one gigantic rip-off. eMusic used to be the place to find hard to find and niche music at a fair price. It is no longer that place and now there's no need for eMusic.

Franz Ferdinand
Take Me Out (Morgan Geist Remix)
Take Me Out (Naum Gabo Remix)
These remixes aren't on that previously mentioned EP that eMusic is gauging its users over. They were taken off of a strange white label promo I picked up last week. This promo was scratched to holy hell so the beginning of each is a little damaged, but after the first 30 seconds or so both sound fine.

Serart
Narnia (Bill Laswell Remix)
Facing The Plastic (Mindless Self Indulgence Remix)
Serart was a musical collaboration between Serj Tankian of System of a Down and folk musician Arto Tunçboyacıyan. They teamed up to explore experimental combinations of folk, rock, spoken word and world music to create an album that sounds unlike anything you've really heard before. It's intelligent, unique and an altogether magical listening experience. So when it came time to release remix promos they called Mindless Self Indulgence's Jimmy Urine. Makes sense to me.

Def Leppard
Nine Lives (Def Leppard Version)
Finally. After begging months ago I was able to track down the Tim McGraw-less version of this Def Leppard song, which was on the Japanese version of their latest album, Songs from The Sparkle Lounge. Still not a great song, but with 100% less country twang it sure is a fuckload better.

Add on a Beat to the Standard Song

2009-07-02T00:39:00.004-04:00
Those Michael Jackson posts attracted all kinds of people to my dark little corner of the internet and I got far more hits over the past few days than I ever had before.That must account for some of the more....interesting comments I've been receiving over the past few days. Thanks for them guys, I love you all.

But enough of that popular shit, here's a bunch of obscure hip-hop. I'm sure this will attract a whole other group of d-bags. Whatever, just keep it real.

Word.

Del Tha Funkee Homosapien
Made In America (Whoopi's Mix)
Made In America (Del's Mix)
I was trying to find the Del album that this song was originally on and I couldn't. Turns out it originally appeared on the soundtrack to Made In America, the comedic opus about interracial artificial insemination starring Ted Danson, Whoopi Goldberg and Will Smith. Yeah, that's the weirdest sentence I've typed in a while. That at least explains why one of these remixes is titled "Whoopi's Mix." I got these versions from a 12''.

De La Soul
Say No Go (Say No Dope Mix)
Say No Go (New Keys Vocal)
If I was a writer when De La Soul broke through I would have tried to dub their unique laid-back style of rap "Hippie-Hop." Good thing I wasn't a writer at the time. These are from a 12'' single as well.

DJ Shadow
Dark Days (Main Theme)
Dark Days (Spoken For Mix)
High Noon
Devil's Advocate (Heaven v. Hell - Bonus Beats)
The first two tracks are from an excellent documentary called Dark Days, which is about homeless people in NYC who elect to live underground. It's a fascinating film and I highly recommend it. The soundtrack of the movie was comprised mostly of tracks from DJ Shadow's groundbreaking Endtroducing, but he also contributed a few original tunes and remixes for the movie. Dark Days has no official soundtrack release, but the main theme has shown up on a couple compilations, including a 12'' single that I got yesterday. The other two tracks are from an EP, also released around the same time as Endtroducing. Strangely they weren't including on the Deluxe Edition of that album though.

Spread This Noise

2009-06-30T00:58:00.005-04:00
First up, some recent reviews:

Phil Asher & Mark de Clive-Lowe - Boutique Breaks: Nu-Jazz breaks. That's all I got to say.

Street Sweeper Social Club - s/t: We get it Tom (and Boots) you wanna fuck the man.

Moby - Wait For Me: Pretty.

In related news, I interviewed Moby a bit ago. Read that too. It's awesome.

Now onto the business at hand.

I like my blog. I like writing my stupid little rants and posting stupid remixes of stupid songs. It's enjoyable. However, there's one things I really hate about my blog and that's all the damned email I get.

Sure, there's the (very) occasional "I just wanted to say I love your blog, thanks!" message in my inbox, but most of the time it is instead flooded with automateed mass-emailers from retared PR agents, marketing teams and bands themselves looking to get themselves exposure on as many music sites as possible, even though many of them (lke mine) really don't focus on new music.

Sure, I'll occasionally get something cool, maybe word on the new Erasure album or something, but usually it's just bullshit through and through. I hate these emails, they drive me crazy and no matter how many I unsubscribe from there are always more waiting for me.

This is my little message to the stupid little bastards who send these emails out. I know it will do no good since none of them actually READ MY BLOG, but it will sure as hell make me feel better.

To all the PR agents, marketing assholes and no-talent garage bands, indie-rockers, remixes, producers and DJs out there...

I don't care about your remix. I don't care that you took a popular(ish) song and added beats to it. That doesn't impress me. You found the acapella off a torrent and added some loops thanks to your stolen version of ProTools. Piss off, you're not a DJ, producer or remix artist. Please go away.

I don't care about your digital EP. I don't care that you and a few of your friends got together in your parent's basement to churn out three or four average tracks that at best are as good as Hinder. And I really don't care if the digital EP has a remix on it. See above.

I don't care about your exclusive online promo. I don't care that you're giving me the opportunity to download a track from an upcoming album that will "be huge" and "drops soon." I'm not your PR agent. And while you call it an online promo, I call it what it really is, a fucking MP3.

In fact, I don't care about your band at all. This is a site that is dedicated to rare and hard-to-find music that at least some people fucking care about. It is not a site dedicated to exposing new and upcoming artists. And even if it was, I still wouldn't be profiling 99% of the bands that I get emails from. Why? Because they all suck. And you don't read my fucking blog. It's obvious you don't. It's annoying. I don't come to your show and say how awesome you are before I hear a single song, so don't email me and tell me how awesome I am without reading the fucking site.

If you are a wanna-be band looking to make it huge, do yourself a fucking favor. Turn off the fucking computer, drop your fucking PR agent, get a fucking van and fucking go on fucking tour. Leave me (and every other besieged blogger) the fuck alone. We have real music to talk about.

Shit.

And one more thing, I must be getting popular again (dammit) because the amount of requests for reposts has increased substantially over the past few months. I've said it before and I'll say it again (because people don't listen): I DON'T RESPOND TO REPOST REQUESTS! I don't care how long you've been looking for the song, what the song means to you or how much you love my blog. Flattery will get you nowhere and neither will begging, pleading or offers for sexual favors (okay that might work, but I'd need a pic first). The only thing that will get me to even pay attention to you is an offer for something in return. And don't bet on that either.

Because I have more music than you do. 37,668 itens, 117.3 days, 222.92 gigabytes worth. So y'know, just leave me alone.

Michael Jackson
Blood On The Dance Floor (Fire Island Vocal Mix)
Jam (Silky 12" Mix)
Another Part Of Me (Extended Dance Mix)
Smooth Criminal (Extended Dance Mix)
They Don't Care About Us (Love To Infinity's Walk In The Park Mix)
Bad (Extended Dance Mix)
Black Or White (Clivillés & Cole House With Guitar Radio Mix)
Black Or White (The Civilles & Cole House Club Mix)
Billie Jean (Original 12' Version)
I figured now was as good a time as ever to clear out all the remaining Michael Jackson remixes in my collection. Most of these originally appeared on 12'' singles or CD maxi-singles, but in the interest of full disclosure I'll be honest and say that I actually grabbed most of them off the internet. Michael Jackson singles have always been hard for me to find (even harder now) and the only one of these I actually own is "Smooth Criminal" but my version is scracthed to all hell. This one is better. God I love that damn song.

Non-MJ stuff later on this week.