Did anyone ever find out if Annie was okay?

Fuckers from Hair are on Conan right now dancing in the audience. Hey guys, 1967 called, the 60s are over, take your hippie dippie bullshit and cram it.

God I hate that damned musical...

Anyways, here are the remaining Michael Jackson remixes I promised. This Is It. No more...unless I somehow find more 12'' singles.

Billie Jean (Dirty Funker's "This Is Not It" Remix)
Billie Jean (This Dirty Dub Remix)
These were from a bootleg 12'' single, by a guy calling himself the Dirty Funker. It's a red record and the artwork on the label cribs art from the planned This Is It series of concerts (the beginning of this mix even samples the press conference announcing the This Is It shows). They're kind of pointless, but the techno bass-heavy beats aren't too bad.

Smooth Criminal (Extended Dance Mix)
Smooth Criminal (Extended Dance Mix Radio Edit)
Smooth Criminal (Annie Mix)
Smooth Criminal (Dub Mix)
Smooth Criminal (A Capella)
I think I mentioned before that "Smooth Criminal" is one of my favorite Michael Jackson songs. I was going to declare it my favorite of all time, but it'll have to tie with Beat It, Billie Jean, PYT, Dirty Diana, Leave me Alone, Give In To Me, Jam, Scream, Morphine (check it out, it's a pretty rad tune that you probably haven't heard), Earth Song, and They Don't Really Care About Us (you try to pick a favorite Michael Jackson song, it's not easy!)

However, "Smooth Criminal" is without a doubt my favorite Michael Jackson video. But make sure you watch the best version. The most complete version of the Smooth Criminal video is part of the movie Moonwalker, which is not available in America. Luckily there's YouTube. The version that most people know is this one, which is just a hair shorter than the Moonwalker cut, taking out some of the crazy-ass moaning interpretive dance that's in the middle. Above everything avoid this version, which is a poorly edited, sped-up version. I'm not the only person who thinks Smooth Criminal is Michael's magnum video opus, check out this hysterical review of the Moonwalker movie by That Guy With Glasses, one of my favorite pop culture critics on the web.

I previously posted the extended mix, but this one is a direct rip from the vinyl single I picked up, as are the additional remixes.

Who Is It (Patience Mix)
Who Is It (The Most Patient Mix)
Who Is It (IHS Mix)
Who Is It (P-Man Dub)
Who Is It (Brothers In Rhythm House Mix)
Who Is It (Tribal Version)
Who Is It (Brothers Cool Dub)
Who Is It (Lakeside Dub)
This isn't one of my favorite Michael Jackson tunes, and is probably my second-least favorite song off of Dangerous (the first is In The Closet - I actively hate that song). However, some of these remixes are quite good. My favorite is the Brothers In Rhythm House Mix, which transforms the song into an ultra-corny 90s house track. Moby would love it.

Beat It (Moby's Sub Mix)
Well speak of the bald devil! This is an odd one. This originally appeared as the B-side to the American version of the Who Is It single, but it later popped up on the soundtrack to Zoolander for some strange reason. With many of the Dangerous singles it seemed that MJ was taking his back catalog and giving some prominent electronic artists of the time a go. Moby got "Beat It," the Brothers in Rhythm got "Wanna Be Startin' Something" and Masters at Work got to mix "Rock With You." I haven't heard any of these mixes aside from this Moby one, so if anyone wants to post a link to some in the comments section I would be most appreciative.

I think I'm the only person in the world who likes this remix of Beat It. It's definitely odd and not for everyone, but give it a chance, Moby deconstructs the shit out it, shifting the guitar solo to the front, chopping up the synth opening of the original and making the verses very sparse, cutting out everything but a simple beat and Micheal's voice.

DnB Hip Hop and stuff (too tired for title)

My god am I having a shit week. Anyone else out there watch the Michael Jackson Memorial? Anyone else out there sob uncontrollably when Paris Jackson took the mic at the end? I didn't...nope...not at all...I just had...um...allergies. Yeah, that's it.

I was happy to see the response to my post about eMusic. It's nice to know that I'm not the only person who noticed their bullshit. If you're like me and used eMusic to pick up electronic music I recommend checking out BeatPort, they'll a little pricier than eMusic but their selection is amazing, great sound quality too.

Not a lot to say about the music tonight, I got some good shit coming up either later this week or early next week, including more Michael Jackson. I know I said I wouldn't post anymore but I just picked up some sweet 12'' singles that must share. Until then enjoy some alternative hip-hop and gay synth-pop.

A Tribe Called Quest vs. AK1200 - Buggin' Out (One Too Many Joints Mix)
Boogie Down Productions vs. Mark Pritchard - Necessary (Mark Pritchard Mix)
Fu-Schnickens vs. Pimp Juice - Ring The Alarm (Pimp Juice's Magic Mix)
Whodini vs. DJ Swingsett & J. Warrin - One Love (High Bias Mix)
These are from a 12'' called Old School vs. New School Vol. 2. I have Volume 1 somewhere but it's all scratched to hell. Maybe I'll dig it out of my crates one day and try to re-record it. These are pretty bitchin' remixes, they take these old school rap songs and transform them into crazy drum and bass tracks. I particularly dig the remix of "Ring The Alarm." On a related note, I frequently get asked to recommend good new drum and bass so I thought I'd give a shout out to the new compilation by Hospital Records Sick Music. Very diverse collection of some of the best that amazing label has to offer. Pick it up.

Pet Shop Boys
"Brits" Medley
This isn't the actual medley that the Pet Shop Boys performed at the Brits, it's a studio version of it. It was a bonus track for anyone who pre-ordered the iTunes version of the album. That's 2x the exclusive and 2x the BS for those who don't use that shitty service.

Jungle Brothers
Jungle Brother (Stereo MC's Mix)
What "U" Waitin' "4"? (Jungle Fever Mix)
I'll admit my ignorance and confess to my complete lack of knowledge when it comes to The Jungle Brothers, aside from the fact that they are totally awesome and that I need to buy Done By The Forces Of Nature sometime very soon. These are from a couple of 12''.

Furries, eMusic and Def Leppard (in that order)

Okay, tonight I have a very schizophrenic post for you all.

First things first, I went to AnthroCon this weekend, the largest furry convention in the world. Now, I am not a furry, but the con was literally 10 minutes from my house and since one of my best friends from college (who is a furry) was coming in for it I thought I'd go with to see what all the furry fuss was about.

It was...weird. I don't get it and I don't think I ever will. However, they night they had a rave, and I love me some techno. I also figured this would be a great chance to get some amazingly bizarre video and I was right, so check out my YouTube channel for furry insanity on the dance floor.

On the completely other end of the spectrum, I'm pissed off about something. Shocker I know.

I don't buy a lot of music online, I prefer to own a physical copy of my tunes, primarily because I don't trust my hard drive but also because I think not having a physical copy devalues the music experience (it's complicated and not the point of tonight's rant). When I do buy music online I generally buy it from eMusic. I've been a subscriber to eMusic for years now and have always found their monthly subscription plan options to be a great deal. For years I on a $19.99 monthly plan that gave me 75 tracks. That's a partly 26 cents a track. Bitchin'.

I love eMusic not only because of how cheap the music is, but because of the music they have available. It's a great place to pick up electronic music, I found a ton of excellent and hard to find drum 'n' bass, experimental electronica and other odd shit that sure as hell wouldn't be on iTunes.

But things on eMusic are changing. This month they added Sony's back catalog to their service. So now in addition to downloading the latest tracks by Venetian Snares, Ed Rush and Dan Deacon, I can get vintage Bruce Springsteen, The Clash and even Pearl Jam. Sounds awesome right? Oh hell no.

First of all in order to do this they had to change their pricing. My $19.99 a month plan no longer exists, it was replaced by a $20.79 plan. That doesn't sound to bad right? Well, they also cut 25 tracks out of that deal. Now I only get 50. Although it's not 50 tracks, it's 50 "credits."

Before this every track cost the same, and everything was priced per track. So if you bought a 5-track EP it took five download off your limit, if you bought an album that had 30 tracks, it cost you 30 downloads. There were problems with that system to be sure (you wouldn't buy classical music or a mix CD with that set up) but it allowed me to score a shitload of EPs dirt-cheap, and you would occasionally find an epic one-track CD, netting you an hour or so of music for the cost of a single download.

Now its by credits, individual songs still cost one credit, but if you elect to buy by the album your pricing will vary. Sometimes its good, most regular length albums cost 12 credits, even if they have upwards of 18 songs. That's like getting six songs for free. However, there are some massive fuckups with this system. Want this 3 Song Sampler by Foo Fighters, that'll be 12 credits. Why? Who knows . What about the two track Springsteen single for "My Hometown"? That'll set you back 12 credits as well. Ditto goes for the Franz Ferdinand remix EP, four tracks - 12 credits.

You may be thinking "well, I'll just download the one song I like off the album then." Well...fuck you that's not going to happen. Many (so very many) of the albums feature "album only" tracks. So if you want "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" off of My Hometown, you have to spend 12 credits. On my plan that's about $4.92. On iTunes you can buy that song for 99 cents.

Then there's the labeling of the songs themselves, check out that Franz Ferdinand EPs again, notice anything odd about them? There's no remix information! So if I want to know who did the remix of "Do You Want To" I have to go to iTunes. And not only does iTunes have that information, you can also buy each track individually there! And don't even get me started on the problems with the Michael Jackson singles, holy shit what a mess.

The reasoning behind the "album only" downloads is complete bullshit as well. As expected many long tracks are unavailable without buying the whole album. This is not unique to eMusic, iTunes does the same thing. In both cases it's total bullshit but whatever. But check this out. "Sweet Dreams" is an album only download. Why? Because they know that everyone wants that track the most, so they make it impossible to download separately.

Then there's the mess all these additions has made to the category system. I mentioned before that I go to eMusic to pick up new electronic music, now when I browse that section I have to wade through new "electronic" acts like Mariah Carey, C&C Music Factory and Bette fucking Midler. Who the fuck goes to eMusic to buy Mariah Carey?

To me this is a legendary example of not knowing your customer base. When eMusic started they were they only online music store that offered DRM-free MP3s. Because of this many major labels wouldn't deal with them. They adapted, branding themselves as the online store for independent music. In doing so they built up quite a user base of discerning music fans, people who seek out hard-to-find or under-the-radar acts. The people who buy music at eMusic buy Dinosaur Jr., Spoon and Cat Power, they do not buy shit like The Fray, Chevelle, Ted Nugent or Mariah Fucking Carey.

And there's more bullshit too, how about removing unlimited redownloading, not allowing some albums to be downloaded with free trial credits and not allowing most of the new expanded catalog to be available in countries other than the US (they still get the fucked up new pricing scheme though).

I understand that I'm still getting a deal most of the time when compared to the prices of other services like Amazon or iTunes, but for every dealI can find there's usually at least one gigantic rip-off. eMusic used to be the place to find hard to find and niche music at a fair price. It is no longer that place and now there's no need for eMusic.

Franz Ferdinand
Take Me Out (Morgan Geist Remix)
Take Me Out (Naum Gabo Remix)
These remixes aren't on that previously mentioned EP that eMusic is gauging its users over. They were taken off of a strange white label promo I picked up last week. This promo was scratched to holy hell so the beginning of each is a little damaged, but after the first 30 seconds or so both sound fine.

Serart
Narnia (Bill Laswell Remix)
Facing The Plastic (Mindless Self Indulgence Remix)
Serart was a musical collaboration between Serj Tankian of System of a Down and folk musician Arto Tunçboyacıyan. They teamed up to explore experimental combinations of folk, rock, spoken word and world music to create an album that sounds unlike anything you've really heard before. It's intelligent, unique and an altogether magical listening experience. So when it came time to release remix promos they called Mindless Self Indulgence's Jimmy Urine. Makes sense to me.

Def Leppard
Nine Lives (Def Leppard Version)
Finally. After begging months ago I was able to track down the Tim McGraw-less version of this Def Leppard song, which was on the Japanese version of their latest album, Songs from The Sparkle Lounge. Still not a great song, but with 100% less country twang it sure is a fuckload better.

Add on a Beat to the Standard Song

Those Michael Jackson posts attracted all kinds of people to my dark little corner of the internet and I got far more hits over the past few days than I ever had before.That must account for some of the more....interesting comments I've been receiving over the past few days. Thanks for them guys, I love you all.

But enough of that popular shit, here's a bunch of obscure hip-hop. I'm sure this will attract a whole other group of d-bags. Whatever, just keep it real.

Word.

Del Tha Funkee Homosapien
Made In America (Whoopi's Mix)
Made In America (Del's Mix)
I was trying to find the Del album that this song was originally on and I couldn't. Turns out it originally appeared on the soundtrack to Made In America, the comedic opus about interracial artificial insemination starring Ted Danson, Whoopi Goldberg and Will Smith. Yeah, that's the weirdest sentence I've typed in a while. That at least explains why one of these remixes is titled "Whoopi's Mix." I got these versions from a 12''.

De La Soul
Say No Go (Say No Dope Mix)
Say No Go (New Keys Vocal)
If I was a writer when De La Soul broke through I would have tried to dub their unique laid-back style of rap "Hippie-Hop." Good thing I wasn't a writer at the time. These are from a 12'' single as well.

DJ Shadow
Dark Days (Main Theme)
Dark Days (Spoken For Mix)
High Noon
Devil's Advocate (Heaven v. Hell - Bonus Beats)
The first two tracks are from an excellent documentary called Dark Days, which is about homeless people in NYC who elect to live underground. It's a fascinating film and I highly recommend it. The soundtrack of the movie was comprised mostly of tracks from DJ Shadow's groundbreaking Endtroducing, but he also contributed a few original tunes and remixes for the movie. Dark Days has no official soundtrack release, but the main theme has shown up on a couple compilations, including a 12'' single that I got yesterday. The other two tracks are from an EP, also released around the same time as Endtroducing. Strangely they weren't including on the Deluxe Edition of that album though.

Spread This Noise

First up, some recent reviews:

Phil Asher & Mark de Clive-Lowe - Boutique Breaks: Nu-Jazz breaks. That's all I got to say.

Street Sweeper Social Club - s/t: We get it Tom (and Boots) you wanna fuck the man.

Moby - Wait For Me: Pretty.

In related news, I interviewed Moby a bit ago. Read that too. It's awesome.

Now onto the business at hand.

I like my blog. I like writing my stupid little rants and posting stupid remixes of stupid songs. It's enjoyable. However, there's one things I really hate about my blog and that's all the damned email I get.

Sure, there's the (very) occasional "I just wanted to say I love your blog, thanks!" message in my inbox, but most of the time it is instead flooded with automateed mass-emailers from retared PR agents, marketing teams and bands themselves looking to get themselves exposure on as many music sites as possible, even though many of them (lke mine) really don't focus on new music.

Sure, I'll occasionally get something cool, maybe word on the new Erasure album or something, but usually it's just bullshit through and through. I hate these emails, they drive me crazy and no matter how many I unsubscribe from there are always more waiting for me.

This is my little message to the stupid little bastards who send these emails out. I know it will do no good since none of them actually READ MY BLOG, but it will sure as hell make me feel better.

To all the PR agents, marketing assholes and no-talent garage bands, indie-rockers, remixes, producers and DJs out there...

I don't care about your remix. I don't care that you took a popular(ish) song and added beats to it. That doesn't impress me. You found the acapella off a torrent and added some loops thanks to your stolen version of ProTools. Piss off, you're not a DJ, producer or remix artist. Please go away.

I don't care about your digital EP. I don't care that you and a few of your friends got together in your parent's basement to churn out three or four average tracks that at best are as good as Hinder. And I really don't care if the digital EP has a remix on it. See above.

I don't care about your exclusive online promo. I don't care that you're giving me the opportunity to download a track from an upcoming album that will "be huge" and "drops soon." I'm not your PR agent. And while you call it an online promo, I call it what it really is, a fucking MP3.

In fact, I don't care about your band at all. This is a site that is dedicated to rare and hard-to-find music that at least some people fucking care about. It is not a site dedicated to exposing new and upcoming artists. And even if it was, I still wouldn't be profiling 99% of the bands that I get emails from. Why? Because they all suck. And you don't read my fucking blog. It's obvious you don't. It's annoying. I don't come to your show and say how awesome you are before I hear a single song, so don't email me and tell me how awesome I am without reading the fucking site.

If you are a wanna-be band looking to make it huge, do yourself a fucking favor. Turn off the fucking computer, drop your fucking PR agent, get a fucking van and fucking go on fucking tour. Leave me (and every other besieged blogger) the fuck alone. We have real music to talk about.

Shit.

And one more thing, I must be getting popular again (dammit) because the amount of requests for reposts has increased substantially over the past few months. I've said it before and I'll say it again (because people don't listen): I DON'T RESPOND TO REPOST REQUESTS! I don't care how long you've been looking for the song, what the song means to you or how much you love my blog. Flattery will get you nowhere and neither will begging, pleading or offers for sexual favors (okay that might work, but I'd need a pic first). The only thing that will get me to even pay attention to you is an offer for something in return. And don't bet on that either.

Because I have more music than you do. 37,668 itens, 117.3 days, 222.92 gigabytes worth. So y'know, just leave me alone.

Michael Jackson
Blood On The Dance Floor (Fire Island Vocal Mix)
Jam (Silky 12" Mix)
Another Part Of Me (Extended Dance Mix)
Smooth Criminal (Extended Dance Mix)
They Don't Care About Us (Love To Infinity's Walk In The Park Mix)
Bad (Extended Dance Mix)
Black Or White (Clivillés & Cole House With Guitar Radio Mix)
Black Or White (The Civilles & Cole House Club Mix)
Billie Jean (Original 12' Version)
I figured now was as good a time as ever to clear out all the remaining Michael Jackson remixes in my collection. Most of these originally appeared on 12'' singles or CD maxi-singles, but in the interest of full disclosure I'll be honest and say that I actually grabbed most of them off the internet. Michael Jackson singles have always been hard for me to find (even harder now) and the only one of these I actually own is "Smooth Criminal" but my version is scracthed to all hell. This one is better. God I love that damn song.

Non-MJ stuff later on this week.

Everything I Own I Give

I don't particularly have a lot to say about Michael Jackson. I was a pretty big fan of his in the 80s (who wasn't?) and it's safe to say that he played a pretty big part in my life for a long time. I wasn't that big into Thriller when it came out, I was very young and the video scared me, but I thought Bad was the shit. Smooth Criminal is one of my favorite Jackson songs, and the video remains one of the best ever made.

His death does make me think about the superstars I grew up worshipping in the 80s, and looking back at many of them is just depressing now. Michael Jackson is the most obvious tragedy, but don't forget the downfalls and tribulations of artists like Prince, Axl Rose, Whitney Houston, George Michael, and Michael Hutchence. That decade ate its young. When Madonna is the most sane and rational of the bunch that's fucked up.

Sometimes I feel like we slipped into an alternate mirror world (ala Star Trek) where everything went horribly wrong. In the "real" world Prince is still sane(ish) Axl Rose and Slash are still tearing it up, Whitney Houston isn't schooling Diane Sawyer on crack, George Michael isn't offering to blow dudes in public restrooms (or at least not getting caught) and INXS never had to go on a reality show to find a new lead singer. In that world Michael Jackson was never accused of molesting children, his skin never faded away and his plastic surgery obsession stopped around the "kinda weird" phase of Bad. It may sound like I want time to stand still and celebrities to never change, that's not true. I know that time marches on and people change, but damn, these guys didn't fade they imploded into black holes of insanity and drug abuse.

So yeah, it sucks that Michael Jackson is dead now, and while I'm sure I'm just one of dozens of blogs that will be offering tribute to him over the next few days, I think I have some unique tracks that others definitely won't be offering.

Scream (Classic Club Mix)
Scream (Pressurized Dub Pt. 1)
Scream (Naughty Main Mix)
Scream (Dave "Jam" Hall's Extended Urban Remix)
I remember the hoopla surrounding this song and the video when it first came out. Both because it was his first single since the abuse allegations and because the video cost something like 80 bazillion dollars to make. I dug the song when it came out, and was especially stoked with the video, which featured some references to Akira, my favorite move at the time. These remixes are pretty good, the best being the Classic Club Mix, not just for its funky beats, but because Michael and Janet say "stop fucking with me" about a hundred times.

The Way You Make Me Feel (Dance Extended Mix)
The Way You Make Me Feel (A Cappella)
Not much for me to say about this one other than that it's another classic tune. The extended mix is good, but the a cappella is classic and it transforms the tune into the sexiest babershop quartet song in the history of the world.

Will You Hurt My World
A bootleg/mash-up mix of "You Rock My World," "Will You Be There" and Johnny Cash's cover of "Hurt." This shit is haunting, reforming the original into something far more poignant and touching, especially after today. I know very little about this mix, it's by a guy who called himself DoKs (I think) and I downloaded it years ago off of a mash-up message board. If anyone can give me more information about this one and the guy who did it I would appreciate it. I really can't downplay how damn good this mix is, you have to hear it.

Whites Lines! Snort this post!

I'm stoked.

Duran Duran
White Lines (Junior's House Mix)
White Lines (Sound Factory Dub)
White Lines (70s Club Mix)
White Lines (Oakland Funk Mix)
White Lines (Freestyle Mix)
White Lines (Sound Factory Dub 2)
White Lines (Global Groove Mix)
White Lines (Rif Raf Mix)
Today whilst browsing the selection at The Greatest Store In The World I found a blank white label promo with a pink Duran Duran sticker on it. Curious, I picked it up and discovered that it was the 2x12'' promo single for "White Lines!"

Most people would be all "meh" but "White Lines" is totally one of my favorite songs of all time, fitting somewhere between Prince "Erotic City", Sugarcubes "Fucking in Rhythm and Sorrow (Live)" and George Clinton's "Atomic Dog." It's the only real reason I bought the 86-95 singles box set that Duran Duran put out a few years back (that and some cool versions of "Ordinary World") because that box set had two remixes of the (should-be) classic tune, the "70s Club Mix" and Junior Vasquez's House Mix. In addition to those two versions, this 2x12'' promo had six additional ones! I nearly wet myself. The 2 LPs of happiness cost me a scant 6 bucks, I ran (drove) home and immediately put them on my turntable. I was nervous. I've had a bad run of luck lately with records, and have lost several mixes to scratchy, skip-filled LPs over the past few weeks. Thankfully both of these records were crystal clear, with nary a skip nor scratch to be found. Awesome.

This song has a bad rep I just don't get it. It's one of the best party tracks of the nineties, and is probably the best cover of a rap song by a non-rap group in the history of the planet (not including the P.E./Anthrax version of "Bring the Noise"). I think its lack of credibility comes from the fact that its on Thank You, which didn't exactly light the world on fire when it came out. Sure, that album has some pretty big problems ("911 is a Joke") but it has a few choice cuts on it, including their beautiful version of "Perfect Day" and a damn good cover of "Ball Of Confusion."

At least I know I'm not the only person that likes the song.